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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that people don't think about the implications of the things they do on facebook?

32 replies

wannaBe · 25/02/2009 17:35

It never ceases to amaze me really.

About a month ago a friend of mine joined a group on facebook relating to a medical condition she hadn't told any of her friends she has. She is a very private person, so I wouldn't have expected her to tell her friends about her medical history. but by joining this group she has inadvertently advertised the fact to everyone on her friend list.

And today I have noticed that another friend has joined a group, again relating to a medical condition, but this time wrt her unborn baby.

And on a lighter note, another friend posted on his status that he was going to take a sicky from work that day, am certain there are people who work with him on his friend list.

I just think that people forget who is looking when they (I think often unwittingly) expose their lives to the people they wouldn't expose them to in rl.

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 25/02/2009 17:38

You're right.
I always think very carefully before I put anything on fb about myself or anyone else.

Actually, it's aboput 6 mths since I did put anything on there...

2shoes · 25/02/2009 17:39

(goes and puts a post on there bout Wannabe)

Buda · 25/02/2009 17:43

I mainly comment on the weather! (Boring? Me? Nah!)

salsmum · 25/02/2009 17:47

I was really annoyed when my SIL DD who lives quite away from us put on her F/B about 'window lickers' and 'retard' in relation to her BIL. I'm sure it was meant as some sort of 'joke' but it really upset me in the respect that my DD [her cousin] has Cerebral Palsy .

MorrisZapp · 25/02/2009 18:04

The world has gone mad.

My cousin invited us all for a meal to celebrate his birthday, but I noticed on his facebook page he was also having a party to which we hadn't been invited.

My sister asked in all innocence, 'so when is your party then?' and poor cousin's wife was so embarrassed I felt really sorry for her.

Honestly, if it's anything you wouldn't say to your boss, your granny or your DP/DH then don't say it on facebook.

2shoes · 25/02/2009 18:08

salsmum omg what a twat...did you speak to her again?

Original poster
wannaBe · 25/02/2009 18:28

my SIL added my dh's ex gf to her facebook. She then proceeded to tell dh about it (in front of me) and about how they'd had this long email conversation and how lovely it was that they'd found each other again through facebook and what a lovely person she was yada yada.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/02/2009 18:31

the use of FB appears to suck out all semblance of sensible, mature brain cell action

I hate the bloody thing

Original poster
wannaBe · 25/02/2009 18:35

ah and another "friend" of mine has just posted a "link" to something related to the bnp. me thinks she might not be a friend for much longer...

Had been considering getting rid anyway as her status constantly refers to her state of health (x is so ill today/x is so depressed/sad/sobbing/crying) you get the picture, but thinks this might just have done it.

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 25/02/2009 18:35

I would go further than that, if it is not something that you would walk up to a perfect stranger in the street and say, don't put it on Facebook.

It is the passive aggressive use of it that gets me most cross though "X feels hard done to because of SOME people"

suwoo · 25/02/2009 18:40

Two people in another branch of DH's work have been sacked today in relation to things they have put on facebook.

bytheLiffey · 25/02/2009 19:06

Wannabe, has your friend realised that she has outed her medical condition?.

I'd be in a cold sweat if I revealed something so suddenly to so many people all at once, and then in a FLASH of lucidity grasped what I'd done. Horrible.

Not that I have many secrets!.

Original poster
wannaBe · 25/02/2009 21:11

I'm not sure she has realized tbh, and it's not something I would mention to her - if she wants me to know she would tell me, and even though she has sort of told me by her actions I assume she still doesn't really want to tell people, if that makes sense?

OP posts:
TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 25/02/2009 21:18

I have my mum on my friends list so I kind of use that as a basis for everything I do. My groups notifications are switched off, I have nothing to do with groups showing because that's more private than say what I'm doing in my fairy garden! Also have a couple of other things switched off and I check to make sure they've not miraculously been switched back on!

LaDiDaDi · 25/02/2009 21:26

On this topic can I ask a fb related question?

Do you think that there is a difference between me posting to a mutual friend that my friend A is single and her posting it on her own page? Whilst I know that she can control who sees her own page more closely, although the mutual friend's friends are either also friends of ours or people we don't know at all from the other side of the world, I can't see that your marital status can really be a secret? She doesn't want her ex from around 4 years ago to know that she is single but firstly, she is and secondly I really don't think he'd be looking to find out as he's now married though even if he were then he could find out in other ways.

Rant over, I may well be unreasonable but I am irritated .

BouncingTurtle · 25/02/2009 21:30

A senior manager at my company landed in hot water because he was very indiscrete on FB... let on about redundancies at his site - he's on my list of friends.

If I don't want something to be public knowledge, the last place I would put it is Facebook.

bytheLiffey · 25/02/2009 21:35

Tinkerbelles, good yardstick... PRE- facebook, I worked with an Australian girl, she was a gas ticket. But one morning she got in to work and opened her mail and her mum had e-mailed her, I don't need to know that thank you. SHe'd accidentally cc'd her mum in on an email detailing all the men she'd shagged and I was cc'd in on it too. I was really wincing and cringing on her behalf for weeks. If my mum had read that I'd have fallen on my sword.

bytheLiffey · 25/02/2009 21:39

Ladida, I don't understand the question because only her friends can see that she has put her status as single.

I once nearly died of embarrassment. I was fiddling with my profile and I entered my status as single. This big throbbing heart came up on my friends' mini feeds "elizabeth is single". It looked really suggestive. so I thought, fuck, crap, change that!!! I changed it and it then said "Elizabeth is no longer single". That looked ridiculous as well as inaccurate! sometime between Eastenders and Panorama I had found a man?

I sorted it out eventually but not before I'd nearly died of embarrassment.

ScottishMummy · 25/02/2009 21:39

prior to recruiting/short-listing for NQ graduates or staff many firms will look FB and/or google

amazingly prospective professional candidates being lairy/beery/whiny/indiscreet

Doh!no interview for you matey

it is accessible,open and searchable -much like MN

bytheLiffey · 25/02/2009 21:41

BUT... all they'd see would be how many friends you have! They can't see your profile or your status reports or what you've written on friends' walls or had written on your own wall.

I don't see how it can really lose you a potential job.

Also, my name, there are about 57 of them on facebook! I'd love to see a potential employer try and figure out which one is me.

ScottishMummy · 25/02/2009 21:45

having your wanger out at the viking society doesnt usually secure solicitors training post
or gossiping about your curent job/boss

i know of employers who do use FB and do discount on basis of content

spicemonster · 25/02/2009 21:48

My profile is entirely invisible to people unless I make them friends - and people can't ask me to be friends with them. I like to keep my work life and private life entirely separate. I never even say I'm on fb to anyone at work. I just go 'umm' 'oh really' when they talk about it

bytheLiffey · 25/02/2009 21:48

But are the employers already friends of the people they're employing?

Am I being thick? I don't understand how strangers (who wouldn't be on eachother's friends lists) can find out anything incriminating or otherwise !

I haven't been using fb long. do some people set their privacy settings to 'everybody can see everything'?

ScottishMummy · 25/02/2009 21:53

Facebook, MySpace users warned over revealing too much online they google too

FairLadyRantALot · 25/02/2009 21:56

liffey, I am wondering the same thing...

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