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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel annoyed about been treated like this at work

22 replies

chuckieegg2008 · 24/02/2009 19:31

Im really good friends with someone in work and outside of work, the problem is i've been given a promotion which means i am now her boss. I dont find it difficult drawing the line between work and friendship but she does. The other day i had to tell her off for a job that wasn't done and since then she has been moody and not taking to me.
I just thought she was been moody because i told her off and it came as a bit of a shock to her.

Anyway i went into work today to find out that she spoke to my manager yesterday ( which was my day off) and told my manager that i had something against her and wasn't talking to her, when it was the other way round!!

Im so annoyed

OP posts:

kizzib · 24/02/2009 20:48

Then speak to your manager and explain the situation - that she clearly thinks because you are friends, she will get away with stuff. And as you are her manager now, maybe you should have a word with her too. Tell her if she has any problem with you, to speak to YOU not go above you, it just makes her look bad and unprofessional. I think your friendship needs to end.

toddlerama · 24/02/2009 21:40

Agree with kizzib - tell her she needs to stop skipping over your head and tell her that not as advice but as a direct instruction from you as her boss. If she does it again or drags it out into a sulky drama, you can live without the "friendship".

MadamDeathstare · 24/02/2009 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wigglesworth · 24/02/2009 22:00

I understand it must be difficult now being your friends boss BUT, I think that when someone is promoted at work above people who were once on the same level as them there is bound to be bitterness. I think you just have to accept that when you hold a position like this that you will lose some "friends" along the way, cest la vie.

wolfear · 24/02/2009 22:05

I was in a similar situation - became a colleague/friend's boss. Our friendship has never been the same. I'm not sure it's even possible to resume the same friendship when your surpass someone at work and suddenly have, what may be perceived as power over them rather than the equality that was there previously. It's not like you can bitch about you boss together anymore!

She doesn't work with me anymore, but I really didn't enjoy being her boss. Her work was actually pretty shabby and I found it difficult pulling her up as she rally didn't take kindly to it. It might be construed as childish, but we're all human and I'd probably feel the same TBH.

SlartyBartFast · 24/02/2009 22:07

did you have to actually tell her off,perhaps you need to learn how to phrase your criticism of her work.
rather you than me- being someone's boss, it sounds tough.
maybe you need a course of people management or read a book about it, i think as far as i can tell from the management course i did, as a manager you simply can't expect to be friends with your subordinates - it jsut don't work.

Original poster

chuckieegg2008 · 25/02/2009 18:44

yes i did have to tell her off, i wasnt harsh with her i just asked her to get on with a job that she was suppose to be doing rather than slack off because the manager was away.

It is now my job to tell people what to do and i have to be honest that i dont have to do much telling people because i have great staff, who just get on with their jobs.

Our friendship is definetly over i dont have time for people like that in my life.

OP posts:

Leo9 · 25/02/2009 18:51

I'm not sure there is ever a need to 'tell off' someone who you manage. I don't think adults ever need telling off! I think this is so much about how it was done. What you said, who was there...did you really tell her to 'get on rather than slack off because the manager is away'???

i think it is difficult to be friends with subordinates and vice versa but it can be done.

Original poster

chuckieegg2008 · 25/02/2009 19:09

ok it wasnt really a telling off - i dont know how to word it!!

All i said to her and another member of staff wasn't just her why is it taking you so long to do this job, it should have been finished over an hour ago, come on girls try working a bit better together.

I dont think thats harsh

OP posts:

Original poster

chuckieegg2008 · 25/02/2009 19:10

and yeah i agre adults dont need telling off but then again the way she has acted isn't like an adult should!!

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ElfOnTheTopShelf · 25/02/2009 19:11

You have my sympathies.
I am in charge of a small team, of who three are really good friends, and its a difficult transition.

Leo9 · 25/02/2009 19:57

Weeeeell, I do think what you said was patronising and negative and just as if you were talking to schoolgirls, TBH.

I think it would have been more productive to go over and treat them like adults (even if they weren't behaving quite like responsible workers!) and ask how they were getting on, and would they be finished by such and such a time....they ARE adults, they would know that they need to get on and do it.

MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2009 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

chuckieegg2008 · 25/02/2009 20:15

Leo9 they knew the time they had to finish the job they were given an hour to do it which is the time it takes any other day to do the job but they decided to to take the pee by making the job last 2 hours.

I wasn't patronising at all i always treat my staff the way i want to be treated and im not negative with them when they do a good job i always make sure they know it.

OP posts:

Leo9 · 25/02/2009 20:20

chuckie, I'll have to agree to disagree; I would have heard what you said as extremely patronising. Obviously she did too, otherwise she wouldn't have gone to speak to your manager. If she had been fine with what you said, you'd be posting a thread saying

"today I told a member of staff off and my goodness it helped her buck up her ideas"

I'm not trying to say she wasn't being unprofessional though, she obviously wasn't doing the job as she should.....but I do think it might be worth you even considering that how you dealt with her, had an effect on how she responded?

maxpower · 25/02/2009 20:23

I don't think it matters what you said, the issue here is that she's not understanding the new working relationship between you. I'd speak to your manager to alert them to the situation and if necessary, have a meeting with you, your friend and your manager, so you can clear this up.

Original poster

chuckieegg2008 · 25/02/2009 20:25

Fair enough Leo9 then how come the other member of staff is fine with it? She doesnt have any problems with the way i spoke to her

OP posts:

Leo9 · 25/02/2009 20:29

Because chuckie all the people you manage are different individuals with their own ways of responding to things, that's why managing is hard because everyone is different, aren't they! Also of course the friend relationship makes this more complex for you both.

The fact remains I would hate to be spoken to the way you did your staff....other people might not; but you have to deal with the reality that is in front of you rather than say well so and so was fine with it so you should be too, IMO.

As I said, we'll obviously differ on this, but you seem sure that what you did was absolutely fine so it doesn't matter what I say really. You were there!

MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2009 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

chuckieegg2008 · 25/02/2009 20:36

I do feel what i said was fine and it wouldnt bother me if my manager spoke to me like that because i would know i was taking the pee by making the job take longer than it should forgot to say she has been spoken to before about this.

Im glad your giving your view on this im new to the job and im guessing u have had experence managing people so i am grateful for your view on this.

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ElfOnTheTopShelf · 25/02/2009 20:48

Chuckie - I've been managing my team for coming up to three years now. I think I've gotten better at it, there is always the possibility that at the beginning you're too soft (struggling to work out how to deal with your new role, when yesterday you were just one of the team iyswim) and being too harsh

You'll find your way. Dont worry.

Original poster

chuckieegg2008 · 25/02/2009 20:51

Thanks elf it has been difficult going from been one of the to been a manager

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