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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with the school letting an 8 year old out

30 replies

Niftyblue · 24/02/2009 17:07

At DS school you can collect at 3.20 or 4.20
I always pick up at 4.20 on a Monday Tuesday and Wednesday

So today I go to collect Dc and there is DS standing around in the playground LUCKILY I was early and got there at 4.10 and saw him

He had been hanging around since 3.20
He was cold and upset
He had a supply teacher today who had just let him out at 3.20 without checking the list of who stays later

I know at 8 he should of gone back into class BUT he kept thinking I would be coming round the corner at least he had the sense to stay put in the playground and not going looking for me on a busy main road

AIBU to go in tomorrow and complain???

OP posts:

compo · 24/02/2009 17:08

I can't see the point in complaining, surely they'll ust tell him that he should have said he was staying until 4.20pm or just not gone out into the playground or as you said, gone back in?

Littlefish · 24/02/2009 17:10

Whilst I can understand why you're annoyed, at 8, I would expect your ds to know that if you're not there, he should go back into school. Actually, at 8, I would expect him to say something to the supply teacher when she first took him outside.

However, the school has obviously been remiss in the way it communicates with the supply teachers and failed to make sure that she was aware of the children who may be staying late.

I think that you should go in and remind the school about explaining to supply teachers, but there is no need to complain.

BonzoDoodah · 24/02/2009 17:10

I'd say you should. The Supply teacher has as much duty of care to your child as a normal teacher. And the split-leaving time should have been explained to them by the Head. Very poor.

BonzoDoodah · 24/02/2009 17:16

Littlefish - if Nifty's boy is picked up at different times on different days then I'd say he isn't being silly going out when the teacher tells him to. Eight years old or not - it is difficult to challenge authority figures. It wasn't a disaster and he's not a very small boy but some children are more immature than others. Glad he had the sense to stay in the playground and not go looking for his late mum.
Nifty - I wouldn't get all worked up about it and go in blazing but a discussion about their procedures would help in future.

Original poster

Niftyblue · 24/02/2009 17:23

I am not going to go in all guns blazing
But just wanted to mention it to the supply teacher
DS is shy and would think if the teacher sent him out at 3.20 I was picking him up at 3.20

We have to send a note in if we change the collection time from 4.20 to 3.20

He just looked so upset when I saw him on his own

OP posts:

Nabster · 24/02/2009 17:28

I think you should say something. For what ever reason he didn't feel able to speak up so he needs the teacher to know what she should be doing. 8 is still very young ime.

MrsWeasley · 24/02/2009 17:29

Can you not tell your DS what time you are picking him up everyday?

At 8(year 3 or 4?) he should know and be able to go back into the school.

I think its a bit off to blame a supply teacher tbh. If you feel you need to say something then a note in his reading record would be ok, assuming he will show it to the teacher!

Cammelia · 24/02/2009 17:36

Niftyblue its not down to your ds, it is down to the teacher (supply or otherwise is irrelevant) not to let your child out till the correct time. I would definitely mention it.

MadameCastafiore · 24/02/2009 17:39

At 8 DD would say 'Actually on a Tuesday I get picked up later' - why could your son not say this or make his way to the school office if you weren't there?

At what age are you going to let him take some responsibility?

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 24/02/2009 17:43

In our school they are let out by themselves from Year Three on. They are expected to have the sense to go to the office if their parent hasn't turned up. Rather than complain I think you should use it as an opportunity to talk through with your DS what he ought to do if he is in that situation again. I do think an eight year old needs to be able to deal with a minor problem like this by themselves.

loobeylou · 24/02/2009 17:44

I would want to know how come no one from the school SAW him stood there and asked if he was OK, or realised what had happened and got him back inside to wait??

frogwatcher · 24/02/2009 17:51

In our school year 3 are let out by themselves and the teachers do not check that parents are there. I would have thought that at 8 he should be-able to deal with this - it is his school after all and not a strange place. Have you asked him why he didnt just go into reception and say something. I think lots of schools let 8 year olds out in the expectation that if nobody comes for them they will go back in.

Original poster

Niftyblue · 24/02/2009 18:00

loobeyloo Thats what I can`t believe nobody saw him or asked if he was o.k!!

I am surprised that he did`nt go back in we have talked about this before in case there was a problem or something
BUT he just said he kept expecting me to come round the corner for him.
I have never been late collecting the dc .
He was really upset

I know hes 8 and needs independance but to be outside for 45 mins is a long time

The teacher has a list up on the board who stays I have seen it when I have nipped into class before so why did`nt the supply teacher read it

OP posts:

frogwatcher · 24/02/2009 18:11

I dont think you can expect teachers to be looking outside checking for kids that havent been picked up. There is so much coming and going from schools at let out time, with some late parents, some stood talking for ages with kids running around, some picking up after music/clubs etc, some children playing in playgrounds while parents meet with teachers....that it would be hard to know what children are hanging around with parent somewhere and who is hanging around waiting. I wouldnt have thought it the schools responsibility to check hes o.k. Id think differently if he was reception or year 1 - but not in year 3 or 4. I cant imagine how much teachers have to remember in a day with 30 or so children and parents giving instructions as children enter etc. I dont think that you can blame a supply teacher for not looking at a board when she probably isnt used to having to in other places. Obviously a supply teacher in reception class may, as her mind would be more on that child safety element at let out, but in year 3 she probably put her efforts into education and not let out time.

cannydoit · 24/02/2009 18:13

u should definatly complain. once the school didnt notice that my daughter had left the school and walked home by her self she is autistic and only 4. luckily we live near the school but she still had to cross 2 big roads. u can bet i complianed they need to know if there is a crack in the system.

hereidrawtheline · 24/02/2009 18:19

When I was 8 I was very shy and I know I would have done what your DS did. I once even around the same age, was taken out with a friend & her parents to a ball game. I went in their car with them. During the game I got so upset that I had forgotten to ask them permission to see if they would drive me home as well that I wondered off crying trying to walk home on my own. And it was miles away!

I know that is a really loony thing to do, looking back on it I dont know why I was so worried, but I was. It was the kind of child I was I guess, I worried & was shy of speaking up. Thankfully I grew out of it for the most part, but I just wanted to say, not all children are the same. Some get tongue tied, some have anxiety about speaking to an adult.

If it were my son I would make a complaint. Not a nasty one, but a complaint. It is the adults who are in charge.

cory · 24/02/2009 20:20

Did the supply teacher know that he has to be picked up and would therefore hang around waiting for you?

I ask because my own 8yo makes his own way home from school on most days, so nobody would check on him. (we lived in a reasonably sized town).

The supply teacher might have thought you had some similar arrangement.

toddlerama · 24/02/2009 21:44

Does he have a watch? If it happens in future, tell him to wait to wait no more than 10 mins and then go back inside. Although some kids at 8 will have the common sense to go back and tell a teacher that they haven't been collected, lots of children 8 and older can't judge how long they've been waiting at all! I speak as a 27 yr old who genuinely can't estimate time!! I have waited for literally HOURS with no idea whether I have been abandoned or to just give it a bit longer. And stomped off when people are less than 5 minutes late. It's not a mood thing - I have to have a watch!

Spaceman · 24/02/2009 21:48

Nifty; you must ask about this tomorrow as I don't think that is acceptable. I could quite understand an 8 year old feeling a little unsure about what to do in that situation and just waiting around in the cold.

catMandu · 24/02/2009 21:52

I don't this is on, I have a 9yr old and a 7 yr old, both confident and fairly switched on but I would expect the school to take responsibility. Especially as the norm is to be told by the teacher and signed off a list. Totally different to the schools where it's the norm to let yr 3's out, because they know this and presumably their parents have talked to them about what's expected.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 24/02/2009 21:53

Can't understand how it's happened if there were others in the class who were staying late. Surely the teacher would have had to say "All those who are staying late, stay in your seat, and the rest of you line up at the door" or something along those lines, they wouldn't have just randomly pointed at kids and told some to stay and some to leave.

Did your DS not remember what day it was or something?

ChippingIn · 24/02/2009 22:02

Do the children have to be collected or can they just leave on their own? If they have to be collected I'd be very p'd off, if they can just leave then I'd be a bit annoyed with the teacher and would tell them tomorrow that I was annoyed/upset it had happened and ask that it doesn't happen again - but would also take the opportunity to explain again to the child what to do if I'm not there. It is harder for a shy child, but life's hard and you have to learn to deal with it don't you.

Original poster

Niftyblue · 24/02/2009 22:13

The children come out of class by themselves into the playground where you meet them

I have spoken to him about it again
And if it happens again to go striaght back into class

I have no idea how he got to come out early he says the teacher said he was to go and he just did at 3.20
I am annoyed with him as he does know its 4.20
But also feel the teacher holds the responsibilty more

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 24/02/2009 22:19

You DO need to bring it up, as if you don't know how it happened, there's nothing to stop it happening again.

You could do it in a non-bolshy way by just saying to the teacher "Can you tell me what the procedure is for blah blah, only I think my DS is a bit confused about it as I found him waiting for me yesterday blah blah". Something like that. Lets the school knows that something went wrong whether it was with the supply teacher doing it wrong or not being clear enough, or your DS being unclear about what was expected of him. Either way, it would hopefully stop it happening again.

I can imagine my DS1 doing the same as your's by the way. Mind you, he is in Reception, so I hope he will have grown out of it by the time he's your son's age, but I think it's highly likely it could happen even then as he hates challenging authority and always does what he's told to. I think children like your's and mine would only be more reluctant to say something if it's a supply teacher - normal routine is a bit out the window etc.

piscesmoon · 24/02/2009 22:22

At 8 he should know the arrangement. He should also know that whatever time he gets out he should go back into school and tell the office that there is no one to collect him. Supply teachers are supposed to have a list of things they ought to know but they very rarely get the right information!

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