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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in wanting to name and shame the park bullies?

18 replies

sargent1976 · 24/02/2009 16:05

Hi

My little boy is in his first year at school and everyday after school we go to the park with his little sister. The problem is 4 VERY badly behaved little thugs (from the other P1 class) who feel it is their right to push, kick, punch, steal and call names at everyone else in the park. There mums are completely oblivious to their little angels as they are too busy comparing Prada handbags to notice. I have tried to call them up on their behaviour to be laughed at in the face!

I am at my wits ends, not a day goes by that they don't make someone cry. What am i to do????

They are right when the say the parents are to blame! Watch this space because i am sure the little brats will make it onto the news in no time......

OP posts:
Original poster
sargent1976 · 24/02/2009 16:07

Hi

My little boy is in his first year at school and everyday after school we go to the park with his little sister. The problem is 4 VERY badly behaved little thugs (from the other P1 class) who feel it is their right to push, kick, punch, steal and call names at everyone else in the park. There mums are completely oblivious to their little angels as they are too busy comparing Prada handbags to notice. I have tried to call them up on their behaviour to be laughed at in the face!

I am at my wits ends, not a day goes by that they don't make someone cry. What am i to do????

They are right when the say the parents are to blame! Watch this space because i am sure the little brats will make it onto the news in no time......

OP posts:
Lulumama · 24/02/2009 16:16

i take it these are 4/5 year olds? kids can be rowdy/silly/badly behaved.. pushing and kicking etc.. but that is not bullying.

i am sure that your child does his share of pushing/kicking/shoving at school.

you don;t do anything, unless they shove your child, in which case you say firmly' don't push/kick/shove my child, it is not good behaviour'

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 24/02/2009 16:24

stop going to the park. I know that you will say "But why should I have to stop going to the park after school when they are behaving badly" and you are right, it's not fair. But that's life.

You hate the behaviour (which does sound awful btw. stealing, for example, is not normal 4/5 yr old excusable behaviour!!) you have approached the parents who have no intention of sorting it out. So you can confidently expect it to carry on. It's not something you could complain to the school about because it is after school, when the children are once again the responsibility of the parents (who according to you know and don't care)

This is your choice - continue going and deal with that behaviour or stop going, find some other park or after school thing and avoid the behaviour.

Original poster
sargent1976 · 24/02/2009 16:29

Yes they are 4/5 year olds. And when they walk around the park, punching their fists in their hands looking for their next victim - today a 3 year old girl who was pushed to the ground, kick and then her teddy thrown in the bin - i think that is bullying!

And secondly i am pleased to say my son does not push and kick because:

  1. He has been raised well
  2. He is very sensitive to others
  3. Has bucket loads of empathy.
  4. He knows if he did then he would be in trouble.
OP posts:
Lulumama · 24/02/2009 16:46

well, my son was raised well too, but i know he did push/shove a bit at school when in reception.

that is what children do, does not make them heartless monsters

your child might well do so when you are not there. i doubt any parent could say their child had never ,ever pushed/hit/snatched from another child

bullying is a sustained , deliberate attack on another person. not a one off

what those cihldren did to that toddler was mean, and i probably woudl have intervened with a firm voice if a 3 year old was knocked to the floor

just because a child is rowdy at 4./5 does not mean they are going to end up on the news at 13/14

if it upsets you to this extent, i think perhaps you need to take your DCs somewhere else

DandyLioness · 24/02/2009 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kitbit · 24/02/2009 17:04

Hang on, everyone is saying this is normal and that's life?? That sounds like appalling behaviour to me and I am shocked by the parents' response to it. Is there a park warden or similar around, is it that kind of park? Are there are group of mothers who feel the same who can team up to speak to the mothers of the kids behaving this way? Can you cpeak to the kids yourself if the parents are not interested?

This does NOT sound like normal stuff to me and I'm really sad that everyone seems to be shrugging their shoulders

DandyLioness · 24/02/2009 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Runoutofideas · 24/02/2009 17:09

I agree kitbit - "punching their fists in their hands looking for their next victim" is completely unacceptable behaviour. I think I'd try and catch one of the mums on her own, so you're not dealing with such a gaggle of women, and have a chat about it - otherwise I'd start going somewhere else and thank my lucky stars that these children are in the other reception class!

screamingabdab · 24/02/2009 17:52

God, I sympathise, but you have tried to talk to the kids (is that what you meant. I'd try once more, failing that I'd very very gently to talk to one mum alone.

Failing that, there's always the sneaky Vulcan Death Grip in the corner of the play ground (joking...)

traceybath · 24/02/2009 17:57

]Good lord - are you sure they're only reception age? Just sounds very odd behaviour to me.

Agree that some pushing is pretty much par for the course at that age amongst boys but of course they need to be told its not acceptable.

I guess its just a bit hard to believe their mothers just sit there comparing handbags. I mean what did the mother of the 3 year old say?

Original poster
sargent1976 · 24/02/2009 18:33

Thanks everyone for the advice, i will try and corner the ring leaders mum some time.

Today the 3 year olds mum just took her home in tears. The boys mums were no where to be seen(either being watched by grandparents today, or they were sitting in the car to keep warm!)

There are quite a few mums who feel the same, when something happens everyone knows who is the blame, so maybe we can try and group approach. My only worry is, with kids so unruly, they obviously have NO discipline so how are the mums going to react??

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 24/02/2009 20:11

How horrible for you! You need to get together with some other mums and just go to the park together and just shadow your kids and keep a really good eye on them and if one of these yobs tries to do something let them know you've seen them.
If they go running to their mummy saying the nasty lady shouted at me, then get your mums to keep an eye on you when you wait for the "yob mum" to talk to you.
At least they don't sound like proper yobs as you mention Prada handbags. Could just be that they are allowed to get away with too much at home.
Are they actually the mums or the nannies?
I would not stand for it, i would be in there telling off any kid that put my child's teddy in the bin......grrr feel so angry for you

Ripeberry · 24/02/2009 20:14

Another thing just make sure your "good" mums are ready to stand up with you, and have at least 4 others with you.
Don't get into an actual fight! This is why i can't stand parks after school, too many people who think its THEIR territory.

toddlerama · 24/02/2009 21:25

My goodness, that sounds horrible! I get upset if my daughter is made to cry by anyone (not that I always intervene, I just feel sad iyswim) so I really feel for you. I feel all sad about that 3 year old.

Original poster
sargent1976 · 25/02/2009 08:29

Thanks, it is nice to know i am not alone in thinking this is unacceptable behaviour. I can't stand that Boys Will be Boys attitude.

I appreciate they are probably not little Jamie Bulger killers in the making but a little parental supervision wouldn't go amiss. They do it because they can get away with it.

I will have a quiet word with the school to make sure they aren't this naughty at school.

I have been going to the park with my kids everyday for 2 years, and i am not going to stop. I just have to watch them like a hawk! Luckily my kids are mostly left alone because the BULLIES know i am watching.

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 25/02/2009 10:36

Sargent

Good on ya!. I have 2 boys age 5 and 8 and you are quite right that this is not normal or acceptable behaviour.

I was joking about the Vulcan Death Grip before, but i have found the Death Stare quite useful in the past with bullying kids - Just star at them in an intimidating "I'm watching you with my laser beam eyes" kind of way

NotQuiteCockney · 25/02/2009 11:27

I'm afraid I would just be clear with the boys, I would say 'You can't do this' and intervene. And tell the parents (or carers, whoever) that I had intervened. (Not in an apologetic way, although I'd keep my tone gentle.)

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