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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mad at dh for this?

24 replies

KTNoo · 23/02/2009 19:01

dd2 (dc3) turns 3 on Saturday. We're having a party at home, just a few families over, adults and kids. I was talking about it to dh just now and I sensed he was starting to glaze over, then he suddenly asked "So what's this party for anyway?"

At first I thought he was joking then I realised he really didn't remember it will be his daughter's birthday.

I know she's the thrid child but surely she deserves a bit of recognition. Am I making a big deal out of this or would you be mad about it too?

I just had to leave the room so I didn't go over the top fishwife at him.

OP posts:

BouncingTurtle · 23/02/2009 19:03

Is he normally this clueless?

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 23/02/2009 19:04

So what did he say when you reminded him?

Nabster · 23/02/2009 19:04

You have clearly forgotten he is a man and some of them only can manage to think of one thing at once.

Original poster

KTNoo · 23/02/2009 19:05

He doesn't have a good memory for things like this. But I think he is so wrapped up in work.

And I still haven't told him what the party's for.

OP posts:

compo · 23/02/2009 19:06

aw, people do forget things you know, someone on here (I forget who) forgot it was their dc birthday so just celebrated the next day, so it could be worse!

compo · 23/02/2009 19:07

and fwiw my dad has 4 kids and often forgets the exact date of our b/days, it happens
I always confuse my neice's with the 9th or the 11th of that month, but I have 6 nephews and neices so it's not easy!

BouncingTurtle · 23/02/2009 19:08

My dad is totally shite. He walked out when I was 12 because being a husband and father was inconvenient to him and he wanted his freedom.

But at least he manages to remember my birthday...

Hassled · 23/02/2009 19:08

I would have gone for the over the top fishwife approach myself. That really is taking living on a far distant planet to extremes.

compo · 23/02/2009 19:08

yes in the scheme of things it's not such a big deal....

Original poster

KTNoo · 23/02/2009 19:08

He just came through and asked me to help him (he's bottling homebrew this evening!) and I said he could wait 5 minutes because I'm still

And he still can't remember.

OP posts:

mankymummy · 23/02/2009 19:09

tell him its for his birthday and then laugh quietly behind his back as he wonders if he's going mad?!

bergentulip · 23/02/2009 19:10

My DH came and asked me last night when DS1's birthday was... and what year! ??!!

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 23/02/2009 19:11

Then just tell him. If you are cross, tell him why. Far better than "I am cross but I am not going to tell you why because you should know." Yes, he should, but he clearly doesn't, so you can stay angry all night, it won't jog his memory!

You can have FAR much more fun telling him.

And then dropping it into every conversation for the next 15 years.

Original poster

KTNoo · 23/02/2009 19:11

I don't expect him to remember the actual date (which I think he could, if really pushed), but I've been talking on and off about this party for a couple of weeks. Also he bought decorations for the cake the other day.

OP posts:

Fairynufff · 23/02/2009 19:11

I agree with Hassled. Why did you spare him the fishwife?

Original poster

KTNoo · 23/02/2009 19:14

I could just tell him, but I was bit gobsmacked really. It's different from a "if you don't know what you've said to offend me then I'm not going to tell you" situation.

I could also do the fishwife, but he always plays the "I work so hard all day then come home and you give me this" card.

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 23/02/2009 19:15

tbh i think your worse for intentionally not reminding him when he asked you what the party is for.
it's not a point scoring exercise, people forget something. by not telling him and then continuing being mad at him is not helping anyone

kittywise · 23/02/2009 19:15

Lord, this is normal!!!!

Fairynufff · 23/02/2009 19:18

KTNoo - I see what you mean about the "work all day" card but I think the "not giving a shit about your daughter's birthday" trumps that one!

Original poster

KTNoo · 23/02/2009 19:18

It's only been about 10 minutes. I'm not going to keep this going all night or anything!

OP posts:

Original poster

KTNoo · 23/02/2009 19:23

He's nagging me now to go and help with the bottling....back asap, and I will tell him. Still annoyed though.

OP posts:

Original poster

KTNoo · 23/02/2009 19:53

So I finished helping him with his syphon, did a couple of jobs then came through to put him out of his misery, only to find him snoring away on the sofa.

So there you go. I'm not leaving him a bloody note.

OP posts:

Fairynufff · 23/02/2009 20:10

If he doesn't know it is his DD birthday even after a converstion about a - wait for it ...big clue... a birthday party - he certainly won't read your mind about why you are giving him the silent treatment. You should've been the fishwife for 10 minutes. I would've saved you a week's worth of heartache and resentment.

Original poster

KTNoo · 23/02/2009 20:24

But now he's sleeping! And I think he will realise himself.

And I'm not so mad anymore. I think getting myself all into a hysterical state would have just made me more angry tbh. Might have even brought up some old stuff too!

OP posts:

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