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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have let my 7 year old go to the shop by himself today?

58 replies

IlanaK · 23/02/2009 16:59

My mother certainly thinks I am and told me so in no uncertain terms!

He is 7.5 years old and we live in central London in a block of flats. The shop in question is under our building so he has to come out the front door and around the corner to the side - no road crossing involved. We know everyone in all the row of shops AND I got my Mum to look out her window to watch him (she lives in another block around that side so could see him as he came round the corner and in and out of the shop).

He was really pleased with himself and he saved me having to get all three kids bundled up just to get some eggs I needed for something I was cooking. My Mum says he is not worldly enough to do this and he is too young. She particularly thinks that as he is home educated he will not be worldly wise. I think the opposite - he is out and about with me all day everyday so knows how to deal with adults.

Unreasonable or not?

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 23/02/2009 17:50

FAQ my DC have to cross a zebra crossing to get to the shop. I don't let the six year old do it on her own as she is not nearly as sensible as her older sisters were at the same age. The other two did it from 7/8 (probably nearer eight). Basically I don't let them cross on their own until I am sure that I have thoroughly drummed into them and can trust them to remember that they don't start to cross until the cars coming in both directions have come to a complete stop. And they know they are not to worry if an impatient driver tries to get them to start crossing before the car on the other side has fully stopped. They have seen cars drive through the crossing many times while we are obviously waiting to cross so they understand why they have to do this.

FAQinglovely · 23/02/2009 17:56

I k now I just have to keep explaining them to him as we do the school run but for some reason (quite irrationaly I think as I've had more cars go through green men in front of me than I've had cars go through Zebra crossings) I'm really really nervous about them (or rather him with them......no actual I get a little nervous sometimes myself).

We cross a zebra crossing (one of the ones that he'd use to go to the shop) on the way to school every morning.

School is about 20 minutes walk away now, but apart from the Zebra crossing near our house there's no other roads to cross (well apart from 2 minor roads which I have no qualms about him doing). Yesterday on the way back from church (which is just a little further along the school run) we split the walk into "levels" (yes he's a gamer ).

With an agreement that not only would I have to be happy he could cope with each level before moving up to the next one (a slight further distance away from the school) but that he had to feel happy with it too.

We've got 4 "levels" - the 4th (and final) taking him from our house across the Zebra crossing.

Perhaps I should start asking him to say when it's safe to cross when we're all walking together?? then at least he's building his confidence with them and I can see that he's learning about them properly without the risk of him getting it wrong (as I could override his "it's safe to cross" immidiately)

screamingabdab · 23/02/2009 17:56

FAQinglovely

I'd say, of the top of my head, build up to it by:

  1. You cross together but he decides when to go
  2. You stand behind him and he decides when to go but you could still grab him

Repeat 1) an 2)as necessary, over a period of days/weeks until you are confident.

Maybe include in your practices him with a friend, so you feel sure that he will still concentrate when he's with another child. Then

  1. Follow him at a distance for a couple of trips if necessary

Feels a bit mechanistic I know, but he's learning a new skill, so will need to practice

screamingabdab · 23/02/2009 17:59

@FAQ Great minds...

FAQinglovely · 23/02/2009 18:01

thankfully I think that by the time he feels confident enough to do the whole trip on his own (well a 5 minute head start as I have to walk DS2 to the infant school a little further past DS1's junior school) he'll have had enough practice at the Zebra crossing for me to feel ok about it.

but then the shop is much closer, but also involves the same Zebra crossing...

sobanoodle · 23/02/2009 18:02

Tell him it's ok to speak briefly eg "hello" to the people you both know, eg shopkeepers, neighbours. But not any others. Also train him to pop casually but quickly into one of the shops if he senses (how to teach this ??)he is uncomfortable in any way, eg someone walking too close, someone he "knows" who perhaps won't stop talking.

FAQinglovely · 23/02/2009 18:02

he won't be with another child doing it, kids round here all go to a different Junior school so it'll be on his own (which I oddly have no qualms about - it's just the bloody Zebra crossing )

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 23/02/2009 18:02

YANBU.

My 8yo will not do this, your DS however was fine with it. If he had felt uncomfy doing it he'd have said.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 23/02/2009 18:03

I meant she won't do it by her choice. I would be happy for her to do it.

sarah293 · 23/02/2009 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FAQinglovely · 23/02/2009 18:08

lol Riven. This morning I SOO wished we were still at the old house - didn't have enough milk for their breakfast, DS3's milk and my coffee - in the old house on the rare occasions that happened he would nip down the shop for me as soon as he was dressed, but I couldn't send him this morning so they had dry breakfast cereal and I had black coffee .

Mind you 'tis most frustrating that I can't send him to get some of my stuff - they won't sell him 50g of Amber Leaf tobacco and menthold filters tips

kylesmyloveheart · 23/02/2009 18:09

no way would i let my 7.3 ds go to the shop. meakes me sweat just thinking about it. lol

bruxeur · 23/02/2009 18:22

lol?

screamingabdab · 23/02/2009 18:35

lots of love

FAQinglovely · 23/02/2009 18:35

laughing out loud

katiestar · 23/02/2009 18:37

No Good for you.It is very hard the first time but you have to let them take responsibility and grow

screamingabdab · 23/02/2009 18:40

Oh bollocks, MN newbie in acronym mix-up shock. Have been telling lots of people I love them by mistake.lol.

harpsichordcarrier · 23/02/2009 18:40

I think this is perfectly fine too. I am working up to this with my dd1. she is six in May and I let her go into shops on her own while I wait outside. I would think by next year I would be happy with this. she is a very sensible child.
it isn't about age.
At seven I used to walk to and from school by myself every day..

FAQinglovely · 23/02/2009 18:42

no LOL is definitely laugh out loud in internet speak (well majority of places it is)

screamingabdab · 23/02/2009 18:44

Sure you are right FAQ. Feeling foolish

roisin · 23/02/2009 20:34

I think it's fine and it's good for him and his confidence.

I believe in freedom and independence for children.

Our 'local shop' is about 0.5 a mile away with two pelican crossings, a zebra crossing and two small roads without crossings. ds2 has been going there on occasional errands since he was 8.

FAQinglovely · 23/02/2009 20:37

you know I've been thinking about my "fears" about Zebra crossings and realised I really am being quite daft.

Thinking about it a pedestrian crossing is probably more risky for him to cross on his own, as the Green Man can give a false sense of security, (thinking "oh it's green I can cross) whereas a Zebra crossing doesn't give you any indication about whether it's safe to cross or not so you actually have to think about it..........

roisin · 23/02/2009 21:15

I think you're right to approach zebras with caution FAQ and you do need to teach children to use them properly.

I tell mine they must stop at the kerb and look and listen. If cars are in sight they must wait til they get to the crossing and have stopped properly before they step on to the crossing. (No doubt this annoys the hell out of the drivers, but at least they are safe!)

hannahsaunt · 23/02/2009 21:34

So dh wasn't unreasonable then - yesterday he sent our 8.5yo to Sainsbury's with a short list. We haven't heard the end of it! Dh supervised him crossing at the green man at the end of our road (10m away?) then he walked to Sainsbury's which is about 2 minutes away and is like his second home - it may be a large supermarket which was the bit that gave me the collywobbles but he's been there several times a week for the last 8 years and knows all those who work in it. He had dh's mobile and checked in approx once a minute, not because he was stuck but because he adored the novelty value of having the phone and wanted to give a running commentary. He came back with everything and made sensible decisions about each purchase. I'm still a bit reluctant but can't really complain as it seems to have been a roaring success.

roisin · 23/02/2009 21:44

Sounds like a dream solution to me hannahsaunt! I can't stand supermarkets - dh does the shopping - I only go about twice a year.