Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to refuse to play happy families in front of his relatives?

13 replies

lilac21 · 22/02/2009 22:50

Marriage over, living in same house for the children's sake. We live 250 miles from my family and my parents are abroad alot. My parents know what is going on. He has said that when they come to visit, he wants them to pay for HIM to stay in a hotel, since he is moving into our guest room (he stays in hotel, they can then stay in our house to visit me and grandchildren). He says he doesn't want to discuss our situation with them.

However, he has no family here (only child, parents both dead) but has an aunt and cousins in Ireland. He wants us all to go there and visit them later this year and for me to act like nothing has changed. I said no, you won't even be in the same house as my family and you want me to visit yours and pretend everything is fine? Even if he hadn't first made the comments about my family, I still wouldn't have wanted to go to Ireland on these terms. AIBU?

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 22/02/2009 22:55

No, no, no yanbu !!!!

He is!!

5inthebed · 22/02/2009 22:56

Not in the slightest. He is being a complete arse and he knows he is! Has he no intentions of moving out?

Seems rather odd that he wants you to go to Ireland and play happy families

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/02/2009 22:57

What an arse. YANBU - at all!!!

How come he isn't moving out?

Janos · 22/02/2009 22:57

YANBU at all.

Sounds like he is scared about his family finding out!

littlelamb · 22/02/2009 22:58

Erm, no yanbu. Ds's dad has put me in the same position- wants to play happy families when his family are around, which I go along with because tbh I don't want to make things awkward for them, but really I should just tell them all what an arse he is

thumbwitch · 22/02/2009 22:59

YAsoNBU. He is being a twat.
Send him on his own with the DC.

risingstar · 22/02/2009 23:11

Tell him fine, book a hotel room for 2 nights for him, change the locks and instruct a solicitor......hotel bill looks like a bargain to me

Original poster

lilac21 · 23/02/2009 00:11

He can have the house I don't want it (and it's in his name only). We're living together for now, mostly amicably but with a reasonable amount of tension, he says he can live like this for the rest of his life for the children's sake. I can't, and I'm not making him any promises.

He can take the girls to Ireland or anywhere else he likes, but I am not spending another night in bed with him or pretending to anyone that our marriage isn't over.

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 23/02/2009 00:15

rising star - I like your style

Lilac21 - I don't think this situation is going to do you or your children any good... but that's just MO - which you didn't actually ask for

He can sleep on the couch while your parents are here.

As for going to Ireland - phft

ChippingIn · 23/02/2009 00:18

Lilac - just realised that maybe you meant he didn't want to see your parents while they are staying, rather than it being a lack of beds as I'd assumed. If that's the case then he is being a complete twat. He says he could live like this forever?? Then he'd better get to grips with seeing your parents 'like this' hadn't he... move out and move on mate!

what2donow · 23/02/2009 00:30

I had some of this with my ex. I dont have any family, however he has parents, grandparents and siblings who all live within 10 miles of us.

We split up nearly 18 months ago, but lived in same house for nearly 6 months after that.

As at Christmas 2008, he still hadnt told them we are no longer together! (let alone that I moved out a year ago) He pretends we are together, and that when he visits, im either ill or busy. They never visit(ed) us.

on various family occasions before i moved out he asked me to accompany him - i told him he could take our dcs but if he thought i was going, and pretending we were still a couple, he was dreaming. sadly didnt stop him pretending in my absence...............

oldraver · 23/02/2009 15:24

Was gonna suggest same as Risinstar. He is being a twat so move him into spare room, give your folks your room while they stay and you in with DD or on setttee... no take that back, him on settee

Original poster

lilac21 · 23/02/2009 18:35

Oldraver, I suggested ages ago they could have 'my' room when they visit and I would sleep in DD2's empty top bunk. he said no to that idea because then she will know I don't want to share a bed with him! He still can't see that they have to find out eventually. Much more of this sh*t and I'll be telling them myself, and soon...

I'm glad the only holiday that is already booked is for me and the girls to visit my penpal in US this summer, I can't bear to spend a day with him at the moment, never mind a week or two. Roll on next week when he's away on business.

OP posts:

Flip