To not want my mother to park my son in the garden?

[Qally]

Okay, my mother is ace. I don't mean to imply anything else. But after taking my 16 week old out for a walk, so I could get a nap, yesterday, she came in via the back alley and left him in his pram in the garden so as not to wake him up. There's easy access to all the terrace's back gardens from the street, and the alley isn't overlooked by any of the houses in question. She couldn't see or hear him from inside the house. The houses around here get burgled worryingly often.

I appreciate it's important not to molly-coddle kids, and that independence is a Good Thing. I also appreciate that abduction is really rare. However, I can see no benefit to the risk involved here - it's not like I was refusing to let a 7 year old pop to the local shops, and thus clipping his wings. The baby is far too young to know wtf is going on. Am I being pfb beyond reason in suggesting she was on crack, or is my mother being a tad casual?

my mum used to do this !

I guess is is a generation thing. My sister-in-law was horrified when she left her baby outside in the rain to sleep (with a rain cover on but is was chilly).

Did you let her know your feelings ?

I think that's what they did back in the days! I even remember my auntie putting my cousin out in his pram in the front garden to sleep every afternoon. I'm sure my mum did it too!

I think it was to give them some fresh air and sleep. And if they were awake, they could watch the clouds, trees, etc.

I didn't do it with mine, and they don't seem to be any the worse for it

I think the key sentance here is: She couldn't see or hear him from inside the house.

YANBU - You are being a concerned and protective mother which is as it should be, I wouldn't of been happy if I was in this situation

My mother is a firm believer that babies need fresh air, and regularly left us (and any grandchildren she was looking after) in the garden in prams, so I don't think it is a unusual thing to do (my mother in particular thought it was good with screaming babies!). I can see with the burglaries why you weren't happy about it though. I suspect that it is a bit of both in this case. Your mum probably was a little casual, and you are probably a little over protective. I don't think it has anything to do with molly-coddling or independence though, just a difference in style and generation, and you almost certainly being more aware of the specific risks in your neighbourhood.

I wouldnt leave the pram where I couldnt see it. Apart from that, yes, watching the leaves/clouds whatever the weather, very good idea.

I regularly left the pram in the garden, but the door or window open so I could hear the baby crying.

The fact that she could not see or hear the baby would bother me.

I don't think that the burglaries are something to worry about, the chances of a burglar stealing a baby are pretty slim (or anyone else for that matter, but I can understand you worrying)

Is your mum the type who would understand your fears?

I regularly leave DS in the pram by the back door when we get back from a walk if he's asleep and it's not freezing.
But I leave the door open and stay in the kitchen where I can hear him and check on him frequently.

So, she's not mad, but I'd prefer to be able to hear him.

Oh, I wasn't worried about him being outside per se - he gets a daily walk all weathers, unless he has a chesty cold. Perfectly good cosy-toes and rain cover. It was more the fact he was out of earshot and eyesight.

I know it's probably more likely we'd win the lottery than him be abducted, but actually some guy did try to take my godmother's youngest son from Battersea Park when he was a baby, while she was sorting out my brother, who'd fallen from play equipment. Mum is obviously aware of that incident, and while I respect that her dismissing it as a bizarre rarity is probably saner than my anxiety, I can't help wanting to avoid a risk without corresponding benefit. Also, DH was nastily mugged in the summer - knocked to the ground by 4 guys - and a friend was mugged and kicked in the stomach, after asking them not to hurt her because she was 5 months pregnant. So all in all, I just do not want my baby left out unsupervised around here. We live in a city, in an area with a heroin problem, not a rural idyll. And the fact Mum dislikes the dog being left in the garden unsupervised in case she is pinched, but cheerfully left the baby, annoyed me.

I doubt she'll do it again though, and she was just trying to help. I was just wondering if I was being ridiculously over anxious.

Message withdrawn

If it makes you feel anxious ask her not to do it again. He doesn't need to stay outside after a walk so it's an extra thing to worry about.

Like everyone else has said, it's different if you can see him from the house.

yanbu given the garden isn't secure.

It was common practice to do this a generation ago, and we do it a lot where I live (and indeed when I lived in SW11), but given what you've said about the local area and the drug problem, I'd be reluctant to do this with mine.

At our old house I used to leave my lo in the garden in her buggy if she had fallen asleep quite often in the summer but would leave the back door open so I could hear and see her.
I wouldnt do it if I couldnt hear or see her so yes I would of been concerned if someone looking after lo did it and ouldnt see or hear her.

This is a generation thing. My mum left my older sister outside Woolies to shop during the 60's and then went home without her Totally forgot, until she got home and realised something was missing. The pram was still outside Woolies, where she had left it. I'm sure social services would be involved these days .

TBA I wouldn't leave a baby unattended if where you live is as bad as you say.

I used to regularly leave ds outside the front or back of the house, but could see and hear him - often I would sit outside too with a cuppa and a book, or would be doing laundry inside. I do think they sleep beter outdoors and the fresh air does them good.

In the circumstances of your garden and neighbourhood problems I wouldn't leave a baby outside though so in your circs YANBU. Sorry but I had to laugh that your mum worries about the dog being outside alone but thought nothing of leaving the baby out there!!

Yanbu I agree with the generation thing but the unsecure garden and can't see or hear bit are not on.
Friend of mine -older mum, used to put her baby in pram at bottom of garden so that she 'didn't have to listen to the crying' and mil also left my DP in garden to look at trees/clouds. Mind you she also left him outside butcher and went home without him too.

YANBU. However, my mum regularly left ds in the front garden when he was a baby - although she had the door open so she could hear him if he cried. She does live in a quiet side street and has a hedge round her garden though.

Now we just open the back door and let him free, and he will spend hours out with a football, so maybe he has a life long love of being outside!

i wouldn't like it because he coul;d wake up and be upset
it's fine to ask her not to do it - you can just say "look i am maybe being a fusspot but it really bothers me - please keep him in sight / hearing"

YANBU.

It is a generational thing. People used to leave their doors unlocked as well. You wouldn't do that now either. (In fact, locked doors don't stop people round here either!)

No way do you leave a baby out of sight/earshot. I don't know, but what would social service's take on that be, given that there is "easy access to the gardens"?

We do it but we live in a hamlet and we can see where the pram is from the kitchen window.

so sorry to hear about your dh and your poor friend, were her and the baby okay?

This is what mums used to do so I'd go easy on your mum. Say you like to hear when your baby wakes up so you'd rather his buggy was in teh kitchen/hall, wherever you would normally put it.

After reading your second post about the neighbourhood that you live in then YANBU at all to tell her not to leave the baby in the garden. Strange that she would leave the dog in the garden but not her DGS.

Was your pregnant friend ok? That sounds horrific.