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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be getting horribly and irrationally upset with all this stuff in the news?

45 replies

chegirl · 21/02/2009 22:18

I know I am. I really do but its so bloody awful. I feel terrible for the poor girl and her family but I am being dreadfully self centred and all I can think of is that 3 years ago at this time it was MY beautiful girl that was dying. It was this time that we were getting ready to bring her home. It was this time that we knew that she wasnt going to get better.

I just feel like everytime I log on, turn on the tv, read a paper its there! I do care that another life is being taken but I care more about what happend to my DDDDDD and where was all this mass grief three years ago? I know that stupid but I cant help it. She was so amazing. So beautiful.

Its driving me to distraction. This time of year is always awful but this seems like rubbing my nose in it - how self obsessed is that?! It seems that I cant say anything because I am supposed to be mourning this young woman that I have never even met, to do anything else is almost seen as wrong.

I hate that fecking disease in all its fecking forms.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 22/02/2009 12:21

ella, you are entitled to your opinion of course but the tone of your post is waaaay out of keeping with the rest of this thread

I am so sorry chegirl, I have seen you posts before, you sound like a lovely, lovely person and you should not feel bad at being dismayed at the amount of constant, in-your-face attention the Jade situation is engendering

how are you feeling today ?

katiestar · 22/02/2009 12:30

Any fu**er _ I think Ella makes a valid point.How are Jack's victims supposed to feel while he is cashing in and getting preferential parole terms ?

ellabella4ever · 22/02/2009 12:32

There is no set tone for any thread on MN.

sfxmum · 22/02/2009 12:37

to the OP am so sorry for your loss life sucks sometimes
I remember once I was watching Eddie Izzard around the time that princess Di died and he said 'look they are making a lot of fuss about this children losing their mother yet when mine died nobody cared'
I remember feeling the same as I lost mine when I was 15

on the specific case in the news I expect she is trying to provide for her children as best as she can but giving preferential treatment to the groom is, imo very wrong indeed

qwertpoiuy · 22/02/2009 12:38

Chegirl, big ((hug)) from me. I am so, so sorry to read about your beautiful daughter.
Jade is bringing back horrible memories for me too as it was in Jan/Feb 2005 both my lovely parents died from that horrible C word. I get very low and tearful this time of year (today would be Dad's birthday, Mum's was 2 weeks ago as well as their annoversaries ).
We always say God only takes the best.
It was an awful loss, but I am so aware the loss of a child is a million times worse. My heart really goes out to you.

edam · 22/02/2009 12:43

chegirl, so sorry this is stirring up painful memories. Your dd is beautiful.

Original poster

chegirl · 22/02/2009 13:51

Thank you for your messages.

I know I am not the only one that this is getting to, for whatever reason. I dont begrudge that poor girl anything really.

I just wish it wasnt everywhere I looked.

Its the anniversary of one of my DD's friends passing today. There are only a couple left. (of the ones we met on the ward) Beautiful, vibrant, special, wonderful lives, taken.

I DO want to scream at people - if you KNEW what real grief was like, you wouldnt keep going on about how terrible you are feeling about someone you dont know.

Of course its sad. Its awful and we all feel for that poor young woman and her family. But its not the same so why imagine it is? I have heard people going on and on about it, as if their sister or mother or child was about to die - do they really imagine they would be feeling the way they are if that were true?

This is not meant as a rant against her or anyone who feels compassion for her. This is an intelligent forum, people seem to think rather than just react. I understand that the way I am feeling is not totally logical but grief doesnt have much logic and cancer has none whatsoever.
Thanks for your suppport.

Yes she was amazingly beautiful and not just on the outside.

OP posts:

lemonstartree · 22/02/2009 15:55

am i alone in finding your 'name' AnyF*er' offensive.

sorry but I really do. and I wish you would change it

is it just me ?

AnyFucker · 22/02/2009 16:42

fgs, take your vitriol to another thread

mrsmaidamess · 22/02/2009 16:46

I think you'll find she already has....

BananaSkin · 22/02/2009 22:16

So sorry Chegirl. It must be incredibly hard for you - especially at this time of year. And yes, your daughter is beautiful .

AnyFucker · 22/02/2009 22:33

thanks bananaskin, for getting this thread back to where it should be

Ninkynork · 22/02/2009 22:34

Oh Chegirl, your DD - so beautiful, her eyes, hair and the sparkle in her eyes. She was loved very much, it shows there.

BananaSkin · 22/02/2009 22:44

I have been thinking quite a lot, actually, about how this must be affecting others who are about to loose their loved ones to cancer. I don't begrudge an inch of column space that Jade gets, but I feel for those who are leaving children burdened with the worry that they leave no money for them to be looked after

DogMa · 22/02/2009 22:46

Che - focus on the good she is doing if you can. Smear tests are up massively as a result of her story.

I'm very sorry to hear about your little girl.

BananaSkin · 22/02/2009 22:50

Chegirl - sorry my post above isn't really relevant to your grief. I was writing-out-loud as it were.

metmoo · 22/02/2009 22:57

your daughter looks truly beautiful i wish you all the best and hope her spirit lives on forever in yor heart-as im sure it will all the best xx

GypsyMoth · 22/02/2009 23:06

Bananaskin.......I said the same onanother thread tonight. Some won't hear a word of criticism about how jade is going about things( all of a sudden she's a saintly icon?!) but what about the other cancer stricken mothers out there?! How must they feel as they are waiting to die. What have they got to leave their kids? Probably alot less than what they had before diagnosis.
And I know what I'm talking about here ..... My own mum died of ovarian cancer, late stage when discovered so also little time to prepare.......all she worried about was having so little to leave in her will!!!!!! Barely anything. And I was pregnant with her grandchild at that time. Which she never got to meet.

Original poster

chegirl · 23/02/2009 12:05

Thanks again all who have taken time to say such lovely things about my girly girl.

Banana - dont apoligise. This thread is about that sort of thing. I am not the only one who is struggling with all this.

Dogma - Sorry I just cant do that now. Not that I dont agree with you or mind you saying it . Thats the problem. Its so all consuming.
Brie5 - its ironic isnt it? Cancer takes so much, including money. I had to leave my job to care for my girl. We lost over 20 grand in one fell swoop. I have only just managed to get a new job but its very very part time as that is all I can cope with right now. Adults who get this fricken disease still have to pay the bills and eat etc. Being ill is so bloody expensive. Good for the girl who can get all that money but why are people NOT seeing the massive gap between her and normal people?

Frankly - we were lucky not to lose our house. I am sure there are many who have lost everything.

Thanks again all. I am so glad that no one thinks I am being a bitch. It seems that you cant say anything at all without being attacked. I dont hate her, I hate cancer.

OP posts:

qwertpoiuy · 26/02/2009 07:12

I feel her wedding was a farce, she would have married anybody to get her big money. And I don't like the look of him, I reckon he would have run a mile had there been a chance of her recovering or if there was no money involved! I really hope her little boys get that money.
Chegirl, like yourself my parents (and I) lost a lot of money when they had cancer. Cancer patients still need to eat and pay bills while unable to work, as do their carers whose petrol costs can be very high driving to appointments, and get very little or no help from the state.
Take your time with returning to work, only do what you're able to.
And, by the way YANBU

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