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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit irritated by DP doing this twice in a row?

34 replies

MumOfBaby · 21/02/2009 09:36

Dp works full time and very hard, and I work almost full time and look after our 9 month old. We have to do this as we're trying to get a house and with the economy the way it is at the moment we're struggling.

This week we both had our holidays- one week off together. It's our first week together in such a long time. DP even worked over xmas. So we were really excited. It's been a great week just being together and with the baby.

But I get up with the baby at silly o clock every morning, I get up in the night (he does too, depends who wakes up first) and the last time he got up with the baby of a morning was about November or December.

So the other morning, he moaned at grumped when DS woke up, expecting me to take him downstairs. I didn't. So in the end he said he was annoyed at me and marched off with the baby downstairs. They were very loud, and a short time later they came upstairs and tried to get me up. I said no, I was very tired and I wanted a much earned lie in. Dp huffed and puffed some more but left me alone. Then he came up again a while later and tried to get me up again. There was nothing specific to get up for and I was absolutely shattered. I dragged myself out of bed and got on with the day.

Te past few days I've been wanting to get on with my PGCE work. I explained this to him and said I'd need some help with DS. Yesterday morning DP had a lie in while I dealt with baby and tried to do my work- didn't get much at all done (I have 13000 words to write- the essays have built up as I never have time). I said last night that he would have to get up with DS in the morning so that I could get on with my work before we go to DP's godson's first birthday party. He said he would but he wouldn't be getting up that early. How does that work? DS gets up early!

So this morning I have been up since 7, tried to do my work. I asked him to watch DS (who has just learnt to crawl and goes for everything) while I went to the toilet and he shouted down 'just give him a rice cake to keep him quiet, I'll be down soon and give him his breakfast'. Another hour has passed. I have given DS his breakfast and changed his nappy and all the rest of it, and have got hardly any of my work done as DS is having a phase of wanting to play all the time. DP knows this.

Yet he is STILL in bed. Would it hurt so much just to come down and let me get on with my research!?

And he acts like he's so badly done to because he had wash the pots last night, and he's still not impressed that I had a lie in the other day.

Is he or is he not a complete sleep hog??

I know everyone goes through this when they're tired and looking after a young baby. But I'm secretly really irritated and needed to let it out!!!

OP posts:
Nabster · 21/02/2009 09:39

He is a prat.

He is not acting like a father or an adult.

You have to sort this now or it will only get worse.

BonsoirAnna · 21/02/2009 09:40

Why does your baby wake up so early? Can't you put your DS to bed a bit later so you can all lie in?

oregonianabroad · 21/02/2009 09:40

YANBU.

Serious words with him about this or it won't change -- just ask my dh, 2dses and 4 years on we are still having this same row!

Our current arrangement is that I get up all week in exchange for one undisturbed lie in on the weekend. This sounds more than reasonable, but in reality, he lets ds1 whinge next to my bedside and continue to plague me all morning until I eventually get up.

So. irritating.

2pt4kids · 21/02/2009 09:42

YANBU

Don't be secretly irritated. Be very loudly irritated or he wont change!!

Take the baby upstairs and give him to your DP and tell him you are going to the library to fnish your essay as he hasnt allowed you to work on it at all and you need to finish it.
He can take DS to his godsons party himself!

Original poster
MumOfBaby · 21/02/2009 09:42

Bonsoir- He goes to bed at 7 every night and USUALLY sleeps through til 6 or 7 in the morning, but at the moment he's having an unsettled phase and wakes up a few times in the night for a drink and a dodi.

OP posts:
2pt4kids · 21/02/2009 09:43

Anna - 7am wake up for a baby isnt unusual

Nabster · 21/02/2009 09:43

Men are like toddlers. They will do something, see if they can get away with it, see they can and cary on. And a lot of wives let them.

I am a SAHM full time. My DH works full time. We take it in turns to get up at the weekend, I was up first today as I couldn't sleep and DH got up later. We both get up together some days, it is give and take and neither of us would drem of staying in bed if the other needed help.

ConnorTraceptive · 21/02/2009 09:44

Some babies just wake early BonsoirAnna and later bedtimes don't help, believe me I've tried everything!!

OP your DP is being selfish. If he won't get up then plonk baby an bed and say to dp your going to take your work and go out for the morning and do it where you can get some peace and quiet

BonsoirAnna · 21/02/2009 09:45

Babies wake up early if you put them to bed early. Put them to bed later and hey presto you get a lie in . And this is much easier with a DC1 than with subsequent DCs.

Original poster
MumOfBaby · 21/02/2009 09:48

I thought I wasn't being unreasonable. DP makes out I am being!!

OP posts:
Nabster · 21/02/2009 09:50

No, you have 2 babies.

And a later bedtime does not always mean a later wake up.

SammyK · 21/02/2009 09:50

Anna I'm sorry but that is simply not true. Not all babies are the same . Just like people, some are early risers and some aren't.

OP - your DP is trying it on, you need to knock it on the head. Can you have an agreement where one of you gets a saturday to lie in if you wish to, and one of you has the sunday? For this morning I would go out as other posters have suggested.

stuffitllama · 21/02/2009 09:51

He's being lazy. You are being reasonable.

Honestly what wives and mothers have to put up with.

Lazy sod.

ConnorTraceptive · 21/02/2009 09:52

DS2 went to bed at 9.30pm last night and was still up at 6am

Original poster
MumOfBaby · 21/02/2009 09:54

Well DP works 5 days a week and is off Wednesday and Sundays. I work 5 days a week and I'm off Saturdays and Sundays.

So I think it'd be reasonable to alternate Sunday lay ins.. does that sound reasonable to everyone? I am going to try to talk to DP about it when he comes down.

Also, on holidays like this one (which is like once or twice a year) I think we should alternate or get up together as it's not fair that I'm still the one up every morning!

OP posts:
Nabster · 21/02/2009 09:56

Is he any good with the child care and house work on the day he is at home and you are at work?

Original poster
MumOfBaby · 21/02/2009 09:57

Well yes he looks after the baby all day. Sometimes I'll come home and the house is spotless and the baby is dressed and they're playing games. Other days I come home and they're both still in their pyjamers!

OP posts:
Original poster
MumOfBaby · 21/02/2009 09:58

Oh and he is an exceptionally good dad, but in the mornings he can't even look the goldfish in the eye until he's had a lie in and a coffee! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

OP posts:
Original poster
MumOfBaby · 21/02/2009 10:01

I just went upstairs, gave him the baby, said he was fed and changed and I was getting on with my work. DP was wide awake!!!!! Wide AWAKE!!!! Ooooooo I'm so cross.

OP posts:
MuppetsMuggle · 21/02/2009 10:05

If that was us, i would put the baby in bed with DP, tell him i'm off to get my dissertation done in peace, as not been given the chance to do so, and go off out for a couple of hours, to do some writing, and go for much earned coffee and slice of cake

sobanoodle · 21/02/2009 10:06

Bonsoir that works with some but not all babies. certainly not for any of my 4 anyway. If it were universally true there'd be millions fewer parents of under twos forced to get up at ridiculously early hours...as they'd all be saying Oh yes let's put him to bed at 9pm and have a lovely lie in ! Simple

letswiggle · 21/02/2009 10:10

He's being lazy and selfish. Unfortunately this is really normal for men ime. My dh only changed when ds3 was born - up til then he was like some kind of martyr hero if he changed a nappy and had the nerve to complain that it was my fault if he didn't have enough unironed shirts (we both work FT, btw). Maybe go and scream at him or something - that's what I did when dh had the nerve to complain that he had to look after ds1 and ds2 on his own for - wait for it - a whole afternoon, when ds3 was 4 days old (I was a bit tired/busy ). He got the picture and the last 3 years or so have been fine .

letswiggle · 21/02/2009 10:11

Muppets' idea is really good. Pack a bag and go to Starbucks (don't take mobile/give to much detail about where you're going)

MuppetsMuggle · 21/02/2009 10:18

Thanks , we both work and i'm studying full time to - so its a 2 way thing.

kitbit · 21/02/2009 10:44

Change all the clocks while he is asleep. When ds wakes up at 7 the clocks will say 9. Bung him his "can't do without" coffee and haul him out of bed. When he's woken up and realises tell him "there, that wasn't so bad was it?"

But maybe I'm just meaner with lazy people than you are!!

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