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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want DH to leave DS alone in the bath even for a nanosecond

47 replies

Stefka · 20/02/2009 18:47

Caught DH nipping out of the bathroom to go and get a towl. I went mental. DH said he could hear him and it really was only for a couple of seconds. DS is 16 months, not walking yet and I just think he should never do this. DH says I am over reacting. He is my first baby so maybe I am being a bit OTT but I just don't see the need to leave the bathroom and all the guidelines say you should never do it.

OP posts:

noonki · 20/02/2009 20:58

I still barely leave ds1 and he is 3. (I make him sing if I have to leave him for that second!)

Ds2 slipped under the water (21 months) and he couldn't get himself up and was chokin g up water and I was all of 5 feet away.

fymmumoftwo · 20/02/2009 20:59

I think this depends on your definition of a second

I would leave DS for a 'second' to get a towel (just outside the bathroom door)

I would never leave him for a 'second' to walk downstairs, let the dog out, walk back up again - that's too long.

HSMM · 20/02/2009 21:10

I don't leave DD age 9 in the bath alone. One of my friend's teenage sons recently slipped in the bath and cracked 3 ribs ....

MsHighwater · 20/02/2009 21:12

It rarely arose when dd was that age as we generally had towels already in the bathroom. However, in our case, I probably would have done it because the rest of the towels are stored literally right outside the bathroom - she would never have been out of earshot. I wouldn't have gone any further than that, though. So it depends how far he would have had to go and for how long.

spicemonster · 20/02/2009 21:12

I never run my DS a bath without putting two non slip mats across the bottom and up the sloping side. It would be very difficult for him to slip. I'd never even let him in the bath without the mat!

MmeLindt · 20/02/2009 21:18

Oh, dear. I am obviously beyond hope as I leave DD 6yo and DS 4yo in the bath on their own, to go into my bathroom (right next door) and do my make up.

Obviously I did not do this when they were 16mths. I can remember DS slipping at that age and giving himself a right fright when he slipped under the water. It was more the thought of that than him actually drowning that worried me. I certainly would not go down to let the dog out.

Sickofsocalledexperts
It is not just men that do this, in fact my DH is more organised about this kind of thing than I am.

ABetaDad · 20/02/2009 21:20

YANBU

I never let the kids bath alone and they are 6 and 8. I will barely let them stand in the shower alone without door open and me in close proxmity.

spicemonster · 20/02/2009 21:21

Sorry, I should make it clear that my last post is in the context of my previous one - yes I do leave my DS alone in the bath for a nanosecond

sundew · 20/02/2009 21:25

YANBU - I'm in the super safe camp here and like MmmeLindt still don't tend to leave my dds alonbe in the bath and they are 4 and 8! I do now pop out to get a towel etc but wouldn't have done at under 2.

apostrophe · 20/02/2009 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

parkj83 · 20/02/2009 21:29

DS is 5.9, I do leave him in the bath, have done since he was between 3 or 4. But always with a good size bathmat too.

He's always made a racket in the bath, and as I live in 2 bed coach house (open plan flat essentially), and know first aid, I'm there in 2 secs if it went too quiet.

He always natters/sings to me, and although he has slipped in the bath, he can right himself. Made sure of that before I did leave him for the first time.

parkj83 · 20/02/2009 21:31

PS didn't leave him alone under 3.

However, had major rows with DH for leaving his water in the bath after he'd finished. Was always paranoid DS could slip in the bathroom and go head-first into DH's deep bath.

DS's bath is always shallow, even now. barely covers his legs.

random · 20/02/2009 21:31

Would you really not leave an 8 and 6 year old alone in the bath?
[terrible mother emoticon]

MmeLindt · 20/02/2009 21:36

sundew
Um, don't like to sully my supersafe reputation, but I think that you have read my post wrong.

I leave my DC alone in the bathroom while I put my makeup on in the bathroom next door.

I could be back through to them in about 2 seconds if they were too quiet (they are always pretty noisy).

They even wash their hair themselves.

lollipopmother · 20/02/2009 21:52

I think that not leaving an 8 year old in a bath on their own is a bit much, at 8 they should be able to swim lengths of a pool on their own surely? I know that you can drown in very small amounts of water but at some point they've got to be left alone to get on with things.

I lost my sense of humour with DP last night because he made a crack about leaving DD (5 months) in the bath on her own. I know that he was only joking but I still lost it, I hate having the feeling of not being able to trust him to look after her properly.

chegirl · 20/02/2009 21:54

If it bothers you, it bothers you.

I would do it. I WOULDNT have done it with my first so I know how you feel.

I wouldnt do it for longer than a few secs though. I do think nipping for a towel is fine. Answering the door or doing anything that might distract you for longer than you intended is a bad idea.

If I left my little buggers for more than a couple of secs there wouldnt be a scrap of loo paper, toothpaste or shampoo left intact.

sundew · 20/02/2009 21:57

Hi - I know it is just my 'thing' that I worry about. I let dd1 at 8 cook eggy bread by herself, make toast and use the microwave but when it comes to the bath i just like to be there. After saying this she has managed to scald her front when running hot water in the few seconds that she has been left alone! She can swim as well - I need to lighten up but i don't think there is much hope

fluffles · 20/02/2009 22:00

I think you need to talk to your DH and tell him how worried it makes you feel and ask him to consider not leaving DS but to be honest i don't think you can overule his parenting decisions as he is just as much a parent as you are. I don't think the mother immediately has seniority over the father in parenting risk assessment. Sorry.

lollipopmother · 20/02/2009 22:03

Sundew I think that the scalding is an issue, but what about when she washes her hands after the loo, she must know that the water gets hot. Anyway, she's done that now so she won't do it again!!

When babies are little I think the main issue is that they can't push themselves out of the water if they go face first. By 8 they really should be strong enough unless they've cracked their head open on the way down. My parents certainly left me in the bath on my own at that age, but they were always in the next room and both doors were open.

In the cases of kids slipping and splitting lips/cracking ribs I don't think this is going to be prevented by someone being in the room, unless you have the speed of Superman, I bet it's one of those things you see in slowmo but end up too in shock to actually do anything!

mumtoone · 20/02/2009 22:04

I leave a 4 year old in the bath quite frequently. I really can't see a 4 year old drowning in a few inches of water. I agree that a 16 month old is a different matter.

sundew · 20/02/2009 22:09

Lollipop - I know, I know I need to lighten up!

lollipopmother · 20/02/2009 22:52

Sundew - No you don't, sometimes we just have these 'things'! I have my own AIBU thread running about my Dad calling DD 'the brat', DP thinks I'm far too touchy, but I say sod the lot of them, my DD, my rules!

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