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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it manners to be asked how I wish to be addressed by benefits service.

26 replies

sylvandale · 20/02/2009 13:36

I found myself in the horrible position of having to claim benefits due to my recently losing job.
I received a call from somebody about claim for council tax benefit part today. The caller asked to speak to 'Lisa' said he was calling from such-and-such department but didn't give his own name. Continued to call me by my first name throughout.
Also asked which school my dcs went to "for their records" which I did give but feel it was not relevant and I'm cross that I was made to feel I had to, even though I don't wish to try and claim 'school related' benefits like free meals, uniforms etc

Aibu or do I just have a chip on my shoulder because of embarrassment at present financial circumstances.

OP posts:
Flightattendant27 · 20/02/2009 13:37

Are you sure he was who he said he was? I'm not entirely sure if I've ever been asked where my children go to school whilst making a claim for CTB

Flightattendant27 · 20/02/2009 13:39

And yanbu about them using your first name if they do. I hate it - it's so patronising especially when you're in a vulnerable situation.

Original poster
sylvandale · 20/02/2009 13:39

Yes, definitely from the dept he said because of the information he had.

OP posts:
Flightattendant27 · 20/02/2009 13:41

It does sound a bit odd that they asked this - I would ring the department, and ask if they could explain why that info was relevant to your claim.

Original poster
sylvandale · 20/02/2009 13:42

I feel a bit low having to claim in the first place (last resort) and feel it feels like I'm somehow not deserving of proper treatment.
That's why I'm not sure if I'm being U. I just feel a bit like crap after the call and wish I'd corrected him and refused to give the school.

OP posts:
Ceolas · 20/02/2009 13:42

Why is it patronising to be called by your name? Do you expect Mrs X? Doesn't bother me a bit but I would expect someone to ask for me by first name and surname in the first instance to make sure they had the correct person.

School would seem irrelevant if you're not looking for school-realted benefits.

PersephoneSnape · 20/02/2009 13:47

would you expect to call the person that phoned you by his first name, or would you call him Mr Thompson or some such?

Original poster
sylvandale · 20/02/2009 13:52

I'd call him by the name he introduced himself as. If both names then Mr, if first only then I'd use the first.
I would expect Mrs_ unless he had asked my preference/permission first or introduced himself as 'Dave' for e.g

OP posts:
CatchaStar · 20/02/2009 13:58

If it happens again, correct them. Just says it miss/mrs/ms .....

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 20/02/2009 14:06

I worked in a Benefits Office many, many moons ago.
tbh, I don't give a monkeys what they call me to my face as I know that what I'm being called behind my back will be 10 times worse!

PuppyMonkey · 20/02/2009 14:08

I always use first names on the phone. Insisting on Mr and Mrs is a old fashioned imho. How old are you, about 120? I'm sure they didn't mean any offence.

On the other hand I do think you might have taken his name for your own "records" before giving him any personal info over the phone!

IotasCat · 20/02/2009 14:11

I would use the surname and I'm not quite 120

Katiestar · 20/02/2009 14:13

YANBU .I really feel for you.
I once had to sign on .I had 2 children under 2 at the time and the office was up 2 flights of stairs.They had a lift but it couldn't be operated from the bottom.You couldn't even ring a bell to ask them to send it down.Instead you had to wait til you met someone else coming in and ask them to tell the staff to send it down to you.
What other organisation in the world would have such a system.

BlueIsTheColour · 20/02/2009 14:14

If it was jobcentre plus calling you they would have asked you some questions to ascertain that you are the Mrs Slyvanddale they should be talking to.Maybe that is what happened? They should be questions only you know the answers to.

Can't say I know what councils/Local Authorituies ask - but next time if in any doubt take their name nd number and that of their manager and call back.

BlueIsTheColour · 20/02/2009 14:14

If it was jobcentre plus calling you they would have asked you some questions to ascertain that you are the Mrs Slyvanddale they should be talking to.Maybe that is what happened? They should be questions only you know the answers to.

Can't say I know what councils/Local Authorituies ask - but next time if in any doubt take their name nd number and that of their manager and call back.

MadamDeathstare · 20/02/2009 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IotasCat · 20/02/2009 14:19

Op said it was council tax not the jobcentre

BlueIsTheColour · 20/02/2009 14:24

The jobcentre gather all the info for the council for HB and CTB - then the council pay it.

Sometimes JCP have to call back to get answers to questions the contact centre haven't asked or that the customer didn't know the answer to (especially if the customer isn't having an interview in the jobcentre) before the info is sent to the council - so it is 50/50 who called.

OP can request that they refer to her as she prefers.

IotasCat · 20/02/2009 14:27

I didn't know that blue. It's a very long time since I claimed benefit

Flightattendant27 · 20/02/2009 16:46

That's not too helpful Lightshines - makes me at least feel worse! Are their employees really that rude? No, don't answer that...

Ceolas - I fully expect firts name and surname to be asked on introduction, however OP said he only called her Lisa from start to finish. That's a bit lax IMO, there could easily be two Lisas in a house.

I do find it patronising to be called by my first name by a stranger in authority, unless they ask first. To me it feels as though they are treating me as someone who doesn't deserve respect. That might just be me though. It's often the way people speak to a child, not an adult they don't know.

karala · 20/02/2009 17:23

I would use and expect a surname in any professional undertaking - from my bank, my building society and from a benefits agency. And I am nowhere near 120.

smurfgirl · 20/02/2009 17:44

I hate being called Mrs M, it makes me feel like my MIL. Grim. My first name is much better but I think they should ask which you prefer.

Mind you Sainsburys online get very flustered when I ask them to call me by my first name!

themildmanneredjanitor · 20/02/2009 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flightattendant27 · 20/02/2009 18:02

Janitor I understand, I hope Lightshines is exaggerating! Goodness knows the staff there must face some abuse. I've usually found them very polite to my face at least.

Amapoleon · 20/02/2009 18:06

My bank ask me at the beginning of every conversation If I mind being called by my first name.