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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to sometimes get annoyed with my friend for not indicating what she wants to do?!

7 replies

onthepier · 19/02/2009 21:00

My friend is lovely by the way, + has dc's the same ages as my two, who are all friends. I work part time, (she does too), + life tends to be pretty busy!

Myself + my dc's enjoy seeing them, however, if we arrange to go to soft play together or a trip out anywhere, I find that half a day there all together is enough, + I like to keep the rest of the day free. However, nothing seems to be enough for her dd,(aged 8), + she'll always pester to come back to my place afterwards, or for us to go there for tea. Her mum often doesn't say anything, leaving me to make the decision. To be honest this half term we're really booked up + the other day I really needed the afternoon free, to catch up on things + chill out at home. Her dd kept on and on, even though I'd said no to going back there for tea. We'd spent a half day with them already! I said no several times but she wouldn't take that for an answer, then went almost hysterical, close to tears.

I would think surely if I don't seem keen her mum could offer some support + tell her daughter no herself. Instead she just shrugs when I ask what's ok with her, saying nothing at all, then starts wondering aloud what she's got in if we did stay for tea, after I'd said no. I then said we'd come back just for an hour, as we were going out + had an early start the next day, she shrugged but once we got back there kept checking the clock, as if I was holding her up in some way, poss tea time + bed!

Anyway, we didn't stay long yesterday + left under some protest from her daughter! This frequently happens after school as well, + several times I've had the children back to mine when I've been working all day, have got homework etc to fit in + could have done without it! Again my friend stays silent, making no attempt to stop her dc's badgering me. I want to bring it up with her but feel awkward about it. I suppose I just wish she'd back me up sometimes if I say something's not convenient, or say a definite yes or no herself to her child, rather than just shrug!

OP posts:
fattiemumma · 19/02/2009 21:04

maybe the friend doens't have as busy a social calendar as you and is gratefull of the company

myfunnynametaken · 19/02/2009 21:04

Your friend should back you up. She should say, "no dd onthepier has said it's not possible today". The reason she doesn't back you up is because she wants her dd to have what she asks for.

Continue to say no.

Naat · 19/02/2009 21:07

I don't think YABU, onthepier. She should know how to read the signs, TBH. You're being quite patient about it. I agree with myfunnynametaken.

curiouscat · 19/02/2009 21:09

I think you should do what suits you best. Of course the other mum wants her dd around you for extended periods, it lets her off the hook. It might be easier to agree in advance what you'll do so you don't have to look like the bad guy in front of her spoild child.

My kids often get invited for almost all day play dates, but I only reciprocate 3-4 hours as it's all I can bear.

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 19/02/2009 21:09

It is very frustrating if you have a friend who parents differently, it sounds as if your friend doesn't like to be firm with her dd whereas you wouldn't tolerate this kind of behaviour from your own dcs?

I would suggest never meeting in the morning, or if you do having some cast iron excuse/reason why you can't invite them back or whatever. If you meet in the afternoon just try and be very firm and say at the time you make the arrangement what time you will need to end the arrangement iyswim.

onthepier · 19/02/2009 23:23

Thank you for your responses, I do feel my friend bends over backwards to keep her dd happy!

I overheard her say to someone that she finds school holidays hard, her dc's have got to be doing something specific/knowing they're seeing friends that day, otherwise they're tearing around driving her mad! I must admit I don't have this with my two. They love to see their friends, but if we have a day at home they seem just as happy.

I suppose she finds that extending our arrangements takes the pressure off her for a bit longer as her dc's are occupied. I'm going to make sure I don't bow to her daughter's pressure every time, otherwise we'll never get any time to ourselves!

OP posts:
LambethLil · 19/02/2009 23:41

Arrange to meet in the arvo, then there's no posibility of 'time leakage'

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