To put ex's name on DS's birthday present?

[LoserHead]

The children's dad is a bit useless to put it mildly. Thinks more of going out boozing than spendinga anything on his kids.

Anyway last week was DS2's birthday. Ex didn't buy him a present but did give me £25 towards his main present from me so I could put "from mum and dad". He didn't get him anything else, not even a card amd he didn't phone him on his birthday.

Anyway next week is DS1's birthday and ex has told me he is not buying him a present OR giving me anything towards his birthday. He's "skint" apparantly.

I am extremely pissed off but decided that, for DS's sake I would still put "from mum and dad" on my birthday present. I know it gets ex off the hook which isn't great but more importantly, it shields DS from the hurt he would feel on his birthday when he realised his dad hadn't bothered. Especially when he knows he did for DS2.

My mum thinks I'm being stupid and is saying "there is no wonder 'ex' is like that, he knows you'll get him off the hook each time'. But she doesn't understand I do it for the kids sake.

Am I being stupid?

No, not stupid, in fact I think it's very big of you. Put from you and ex on the label, but don't mentioned it to ex unless he asks

you have no choice but to put his name on it really. Although it will piss you off no end, you need to do it.

Then sort it out with ex arsehole/shithead seperately.

You're not doing it for him, you're doing it for your DS.

Which is exactly why it's the right thing to do.

agree with other posts - you are doing the right thing.

Thanks. It's so annoying that he gets away with it. I'm panicking like mad trying to scrape money together to buy a few bits for his birthday and ex can just say "Got no money, soz" and he knows it will all get sorted anyway

I know DS will work out what his dad is like in the future. It doesn't need to be messing his head up whilst he's still a kid, does it.

My friend did this for her XP, even going to the trouble of buying presents and saying they were just from him. Her XP died very unexpectedly but had seen more of his son in the last few years and I think she really helped their relationship.

you are doing the right thing saving your DS from feeling hurt and let down by his Dad. He's all that matters..

Speaking as someone who received nothing from my dad on my birthday this year after he sent my sister flowers and a card i would say yanbu
It hurts now that my dad got me nothing but i am an adult and can cope, I think you're definitely doing the right thing.