to rely on DH for childcare?

[iamaLeafontheWind]

DH's business has just become a victim of the credit crunch & he's doing some adhoc consultancy. No problem, he's volunteered to look after 6m DD when I go back to work. Great. Except he's now booked a day's work 2 hours away for my first day back, and has no idea what he's doing for childcare. He has a vague idea of taking a friend along to look after her in between meetings. AIBU PFB to want to know exactly where and how my DD is doing on the first ever day I have to leave her?

Did neither of you have a plan for what would happen with DD on the days he had to work?

If you dh does ad hoc consultancy work, he needs to make reliable and efficient childcare arrangements for when he works.

Like the rest of us have to.

YANBU

myfunnynametaken - exactly right.

I never mentioned play dates!

He wasn't meant to be working on the days he has DD, so I'm a bit to find he's got work arranged on the very first day. He keeps going on about needing the money, but my (reliable, steady, better paid) job seems to be the first thing expected to flex.

put your foot down - seriously madam, I mean it . Even the most modern man can turn into caveman mode when faced with the prospect of doing the unpaid childcare whilst his wife brings the slaughtered bison home.

Yikes, I had this with DH when I went back to work 2 days a week. He is self employed and work was slack at the time I took this job. So we agreed he would look after the dcs on my 2 days working.

Except whenever he was offered work on my two days at workhe would accept it! Then he'd tell me we had to find someone to look after our 4 year old after nursery and 7 year old after school. Inevitably, this nearly always turned out to be friends I had nurtured after my many years of putting in the hours at the school gates! He had no back up plan whatsoever re. last minute childcare.

Actually, ad hoc last minute childcare is really hard to find. If I was in your position, I'd try and find a local friendly nanny share and pay the nanny a small retainer, with a proper wages split with the parents when nanny is needed.

I always assumed that dh would be competent enough to arrange whatever needed to be arranged on the days he was in charge of dd- just as he assumed that I was competent when I was in charge. But then dh is at least as competent as me. And I have been known to take dc's in to work with me

I think as long as your DH has got something sorted then you don't need to worry. Even if it means taking her with him if it's not unsuitable.

Equal parenting means he has to sort this in the same way you would have to if it was the other way around.

He is responsible for the childcare on your work days. Start as you mean to go on. He needs to sort it out - end of. If you step in now and sort it out for him now he will expect you to in the future.

By the same token you need to trust him and not over control.

Personally I think taking a friend along to look after her between meetings sounds fine.

He's just gone & fixed the broken toilet. Methinks the testosterone has taken a hit, but do I have to leave my 6 month old just so he can prove a point?

Don't get what you mean, sorry.