to not want to move back to Australia?

[brisvegasherewecome]

Hi,

After 10 years living in London we are moving back to Australia next month.

I don't want to go.

London is home now, and we have a good life here. DS1 is happy at school, is doing well there, DH has a good flexible job, it took a long time but we have finally sorted out DS2s medical issues.

All our family is back in Australia, and we have decided that due to various reasons the time is right to return to there.

I am really sad though at the thought of leaving London. It is home now, and I am going to miss so much.

I am trying to think of positives about where we are going , but it is just so so hot (humid hot) for so much of the year. We haven't lived there for so long other than family I know noone there. It is not my "dream" to live where we are going but are going for practical reasons.

There are some advantages, DS's school will have much more outdoor space, and we will be close to family.

We don't know though yet definitely what is going to happen about DHs job, especially in this climate.

AIBU to not want to move back to Australia?

NO YANBU
DO you really HAVE to go ?
Your DCs are your family and you should do what's right for them

No. At the moment DH does have a reasonably steady job, if / when that comes to an end that will force our hand.

We want our DSs to grow up closer to family, but DS2 does have serious medical issues and we are going principally to try to help him a bit more on the therapy side, which is letting him and us down here. I am worried though about how we are going to get on on the medical side of things as the best doctors, most of the research, is being done on our doorstep here.

DS1 particularly loves his cousins (he will have 6 where we're going) and all four grandparents are there as well.

I know it's best for them, and I know I have to do what's best for them, but it's still hard as I love it here!

I just hope that once we get there we will wonder what took us so long to make the decision to go back....just scared of change and the unknown I guess...

Can I go instead of you please.........

Mmm let's see:
Britain:
Crap weather
Over populated
Congested roads
virtually bankrupt
High cost of living
Crap quality of life
Criminal justice system a joke
underclass being paid to breed copiously
Shit state education system
Australia:
Sun, sea, throw another prawn on the barbie...

YABU

Of course YANBU. If you don't want to go, you don't. Not a question of reasonable/unreasonable. It's hard when you feel forced into something for the general good but you don't want it.

YANBU. You've mentioned the reasons why it'll be good for DS's but what about you? Your needs come into this as well.

Not sure what the benefit of going to OZ would be for your son's condition. Are you absolutely sure he would get better medical treatment over there? You don't sound certain that this will def be the case.

I've been in your situation and chose to stay in London. DS is probably not going to have as good a 'lifestyle' in London as he would over there, but his lifestyle is also good here and I'm happy here. I really think as long as he;s with me and his dad, then he'll be happy anywhere and he will never really know what could've been.

Brisvegas - YANBU, but from your weighing up, it does sound like it might be for the best for your family. It will be hard to move away from your friends and your life, but I'm sure you'll make new ones. Do expect to be homesick for UK though - we moved much between much closer countries before DS was born, primarily to be nearer family for support and I really missed friends for quite a while and talked about when we might move back, but now (3.5 years on - it didn't take all that time) we've made new friends down here and it is really great being near family too. At least you know about the research being done here, so you can keep up to date on it. Whatever you decide YANBU but just wanted to emphathise that it isn't an easy decision.

Re medical condition, a friend of mine was declined when they applied to emigrate because of an on-going kidney condition in her youngest DD. But I guess it's different if you are an Austrlian citizen?

Last time we went, we came back to London and thought "what on earth are we doing here??!!!".

I am sure the thought is going to be worse than the reality. I know it's going to take us a while to settle back in (they say one month for every year you've been away).

Orm, I have heard those dreadful stories of parents with desperately needed skills being refused long-term residency in Australia because of their children's medical conditions, but we are Australian so should not have that problem (and somehow our Medicare cards are still valid so it should be relatively easy to get them added).

It's not as simple as the mythical sun, sea, throw another shrimp on the barbie mentality that is so commonly held, so thanks to everyone for your responses.

I sympathise with you bris, I am from New Zealand and we recently went back there after three years of living in London to have ds. After eight months we realised we didn't want to be there and came back to London. I love it here, yes there are problems, and ds will not be close to his cousins, however the advantages for us of being here outweigh the disadvantages.

But OTOH, if your ds would benefit from better therapy in Australia, then maybe it's better that you go, although I understand your reluctance.

And no it's not as easy as sun, sand and prawns in NZ either, I can't get a job there in my field of work, the beach is mostly too cold to go to, and my dh has been more racially abused and assaulted there in eight months than we have ever been here.

Good luck, hope it works out for you all in the end.

Louie, we feel like we need to give it a go. If it doesn't work out we can always come back here.

I am really happy for you that it's working out for you back here.

All the best,

I'm Canadian, and I always get "what the hell are you doing HERE?"
Thing is, when I think of going back, I feel the most suffocating/trapped feeling. I just can't do it even though my dh would go in a heart beat.

SO, I get where you're coming from.

Good Luck