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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenage son

15 replies

Franticma · 16/02/2009 16:42

AIBU to expect my son to treat his parents with a modicum of respect? Our son is rude, lazy, eats everything in the house even when told it is required for a meal, sees us as purely the source of money and treats us as if we are the hired help. This, despite the fact that we brought him up to respect others (which he does as long as it is not us) and to know how to look after himself and care for his environment, etc etc etc. He has had everything he has needed, if not everything he has wanted. I cannot cope much longer with the way he speaks to me and treats me. By the way, drugs, cigarettes and alcohol are not a problem as they are anathema to him. I am recently retired from a senior post in the NHS, which he describes as a 'dead-end' job. HELP PLEASE!

Franticma

OP posts:

diedandgonetodevon · 16/02/2009 16:44

Sorry, but he sounds like a typical teenager to me...

(AIBU may not be the best place to ask for help..I think there is a teenage section somewhere that might be more 'helpful')

Tamarto · 16/02/2009 16:47

How old is he?

cat64 · 16/02/2009 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

myfunnynametaken · 16/02/2009 17:07

yanbu - if your ds sees you as purely for treats and money and as the hired help, have you thought about with-holding money and only giving it out as a reward for helping around the house.

And tell him if he's rude to you one more time, you'll answer the door to his mates naked next time.

Hassled · 16/02/2009 17:12

It will pass, and he will be nice again one day (21 seems to be the magic number), but in the meantime adopt a policy of zero tolerance. Agree very clear, unambiguous house rules - eg you will wash his clothes but will not pick them up from bedroom floor, in return he will wash dishes etc. Get him to sign something to this effect. Any breach and a proportion of his allowance gets docked. Any rudeness and his allowance gets docked.

Teenagers are often rude and lazy and self-centred - it doesn't mean they will be like that as adults. Be supportive - don't view him as the enemy - but very very firm.

tengreenbottles · 16/02/2009 20:07

laugh ,long and loud ,every time he does this to you in his face . It is the only way to save your sanity and your son ,oh that and claim you are bankrupt whenever he believes he needs money

tengreenbottles · 16/02/2009 20:09

infact get a friend he doesnt know to appear at the front door as a debt collector and do an inventory of your house ,starting with sons room ,be prepared for poo stained pants though(nothing persil and a hot wash wont shift !)

dmo · 16/02/2009 20:36

my son is a bit like that now and he is nearly 13 (but still 12) god help us

onagar · 16/02/2009 20:59

If he is respectful to other people, doesn't smoke, drink or take drugs then you have done a fantastic job. There is a law of nature that boys have to be like that to their own family until they leave home. At which point he will start to treat you with respect.

See KevintheTeenager if you get the chance. It is funny and reassuring that the phase is so well known.

maretta · 16/02/2009 21:01

I think how he speaks to others is where you see quality in his upbringing.

Scorta · 16/02/2009 21:02

What is his age?

maretta · 16/02/2009 21:02

as in others = people who aren;t you.

tb73 · 16/02/2009 21:17

Is he 17? I posted an SOS just like this last week. May the force be with you.

Original poster

Franticma · 18/02/2009 16:27

Thanks for the support. He's almost 17 by the way. Unfortunately threats do not seem to work, whether delivered calmy or at the end of my tether. Nice to know there are others out there in the same boat. Sometimes I feel so alone and cannot tell my family.

OP posts:

muddleduck · 18/02/2009 16:40

Maybe his birthday could be an excuse for a sit down discussion about how he thinks things should change in the house "now that he is an adult" .
Be clear that you want to stop treating him like a child and that you want his input about how things should work. Maybe a shift in the way his money works so that he has more responsibility? Does he want you to cook/clean for him? If so what will he do in return?

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