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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want just a little bit of consideration?

23 replies

alltheleavesarebrown · 15/02/2009 20:58

I have been feeling full of cold all weekend and tired and run down.

My darling little boy had an x ray in the week which confirmed he has really bad constipation and has been put on an emergency dosage of medicine for the next 3 weeks and may take up to a year to clear.
He was having problems with toileting and I suspected something more than just being lazy as far as the toilet was concerned .
Now we know the poor little fella was in pain and frightnend of going.

Forward to today DH says he is just nipping out for a quick pint at 2.15pm,bearing in mind he was out drinking friday night as well.

He came back at 6.30pm ,in the car and parks awkwardly across our drive.
Slumpd into the chair in the kitchen and promptly fell asleep.

So am I being unreasonable for

1.He drank and then drove home
2.He should have been her to support me with DS as administrating the medicine is proving difficult as DS does not wnat to take it.
I am resorting to hiding it in his food and drinks.
3.He came home drunk in front of the children
4.He left his phone at home so could'nt contact him had I needed to.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 15/02/2009 20:59

yanbu he sounds like a twat.
tell him next time he takes the car to the pub you'll be calling the police to warn them

memoo · 15/02/2009 21:00

TBH It sounds like your DH has acted like a complete idiot, can't believe anyone still thinks its OK to drink and drive!!!

Hope your DS is ok, My DS has awful problems with constipation when he was small, he is now 8 and has all but grown out of it

By the way YANBU

hereidrawtheline · 15/02/2009 21:01

It would infuriate me personally. And I am not being smug but my DH wouldnt do it. He doesnt really prefer other people's company to mine & DS's and would never faff off while we are ill. As proved by this week as DS and I are both ill. Sorry. I am not trying to be unhelpful by making you feel more annoyed but its my honest answer.

5inthebed · 15/02/2009 21:03

YANBU!!!

He sounds like a complete arse, should have been there today to help and support both you and DS.

And as for drink/driving...lets not get started on that one!

walkinthewoods · 15/02/2009 21:24

Has he always been like this? Is he under alot of pressure at work? Could he be depressed? Not making excuses for him but I would want to look at the route of his behaviour and whether he can change (as it is not acceptable)

SweetAudrina · 15/02/2009 21:25

What a prat. that would have really annoyed me. Especially if they'd come home and started watching Star Gate.

hereidrawtheline · 15/02/2009 21:39

Star Gate, SweetAudrina? You made me reread the OP thinking I had missed something!

smudgethepuppydog · 15/02/2009 21:52

YANBU. I'd lose all respect for anyone who spent the afternoon getting drunk then drove home.

kslatts · 15/02/2009 22:01

YANBU.

He should of been there to support you, is this how he usually behaves or is this out of character for him?

I would be really annoyed, especially about him driving after being in the pub all afternoon.

moondog · 15/02/2009 22:02

Jesus Christ!
I would be planning on kicking him out.

Hawkmoth · 15/02/2009 22:34

Knob. Just for the drinking and driving part.

Hope your DS starts feeling better soon.

BennyAndSwoon · 15/02/2009 22:37

what a cocklodger

I would be having serious words once he is sober

Original poster

alltheleavesarebrown · 15/02/2009 23:08

Thanks everyone for your messages.

He ended up crashing on the sofa and I took the children up to bed and he has just gone up to bed himself.

I said nothing as know from past experience would be a waste of time and he would remember nothing.

He has not under a lot of pressure at work in fact was talking about a business trip to Paris he may have to go on for 2 weeks.
Would be a welcome relief for me if I am honest.
As far as I know he is not depressed but I soon will be if things carry on like this.

With a DS with SN and a DD who is being assessed also I don't need a 47 year old DH piling on the pressure as well.

Although not as drink on friday am sure he was over the limit then also.
It makes me feel sick to think of him being so selfish as not to think of his family or other peoples safety.

Also he is working all the way through half term so will be at home with the children and this course of medication for DS is going to make him feel uncomfortable and wish I could feel the pain for him.
My DH is a selfish ,pathetic pratt.

At times like this I would rather it be just me and the children.

OP posts:

CeceliaAhern · 15/02/2009 23:25

Anonymously report him for drink driving before he kills someone- PLEASE!

dizzydixies · 15/02/2009 23:29

he'll be lucky if someone hasn't done so already

sounds as if he isn't coping either and is drinking to block it out

am so sorry you seem to be going through allt his on your own - why not tell him to take the 2wks in Paris to sort himself out

Original poster

alltheleavesarebrown · 15/02/2009 23:39

I always tell him his luck will run out as far as the drink driving is concerned and he says he won't do it again.

The 2 weeks in Paris would be with his boss so would entail nice restaurants and therefore drinking as previous business trips have been.

Am just so angry with him that he did'nt consider how our DS might be feeling,I hate him for that.

OP posts:

dizzydixies · 15/02/2009 23:42

at least if he's with his boss he may not be stupid enough to drink drive and wipe out some poor unsuspecting person

sorry but in my job we see the sticky end of this selfish act and it beggars belief

Original poster

alltheleavesarebrown · 15/02/2009 23:59

He won't be driving whilst he is away on business and like you say it is a selfish act not only to others but also to his family.
But then as I have read so many many times drunks,alcoholics are selfish people.

I hate to think Iam married to such a person and that more to the point my children have a father who is like this.

OP posts:

lockets · 16/02/2009 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dizzydixies · 16/02/2009 00:09

I cannot imagine the relief you must be feeling that for at least 2wks he won't be near a car after a drink

I'd be seeking some kind of help for him - tell him his behavious is beyond comprehension and shows utter lack of respect for you and your dc

he could kill himself
he could kill someone else
you'd have to explain to you kids what dad did
he could lose his job/end up in jail etc etc

there is nothing I can say that you don't already know - the sad thing is how do you get the point through to a 47yr old man who seems hell bent on self destruction

could he be suffering from some form of depression? is he even remotely aware that he has a drink problem

I don't know how best to advice you am sorry I just the medicine brings some relief to your DS and that you are managing somehow to look after yourself in the midst of all of this too

Original poster

alltheleavesarebrown · 16/02/2009 00:16

Thanks lockets-I hope my DS is feeling better soon,I hate to see him in pain.

As for DH will be having a serious talk with him tomorrow.
This can't continue.

OP posts:

Original poster

alltheleavesarebrown · 16/02/2009 00:31

Thanks dizzydixies-all those thoughts I have had myself and have told DH and for awhile he listens then something stressful happens and he loses it again.

I just can't feel sympathy for him though as I am under the sameamount of stress but just have to get on with it and con't just run away and get pissed it solves nothing.
I am not a strong person really but for my children I would do anything and feel he should have the same sort of resolve.

I smoked a little before,gave up before concieving and continued not to smoke.
Because my children come first.

I hate having to sneak this medication into DS'a food and drinks but know I have to to make him better.
Told DH it made me feel like I was betraying DS doing this and he just said it's not about you.

I know that I did'nt mean to sound selfish just wanted him to understand how I was feeling.
But DH said that does'nt matter.

OP posts:

smudgethepuppydog · 16/02/2009 09:18

^I know that I did'nt mean to sound selfish just wanted him to understand how I was feeling.
But DH said that does'nt matter.^

It DOES matter that you feel he isn't supporting you, in your position I would feel completely unsupported.

Do you think your DH has alcohol dependancy? Have you tried contacting an organisation like Al-Anon for support (support for you, not him he needs to find his own resolve to give up the drink) maybe talking to others who have been through the same thing would help you.

You sound a bit like you might actually be at the end of the road with him and want him to leave and I think that is prefectly understanable. Could you use the two week business trip to decide what you want to do if that's the case.

You are doing the right thing for your little boy. He needs to take the medicine even if he doesn't like the taste of it/what it will do to him. Does he have a poo phobia? I know my own DD was absolutely terrified of the feeling of doing a poo when she was young, she felt like all of her insides might fall out and it lead to a constipation problem for a while. I hope the meds work for him.

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