to think that maybe my mum could babysit once in a blue moon!!!

[mamadiva]

Bascally my mum is 39, and has 3YO twins.

At the weekend they go and stay with their dad, I never ask my mum to watch my 2.7YO DS because she would say no blah de blah but last night I asked her if she could keep him overnight tonight so me and DP can go out for a meal and stay on our own (mainly for the long lie DS gets up every morning at 5.30am) but as I guessed she said no because she would like a long lie too and she might end up doing something and would like to have the choice.

Now I know she deserves a reak but in 2.7years she has not once had him overnight so am slightly pissed off am I being selfish and totally unreasonable to expect that she couldv'e just taken him this one night n almost 3 years to give us a break when she isn't actually doing anything? We don have anyone else nearby who could take him overnight as we live 4.5 hours away from any other family and dont have many friends here.

Why don't you set up a babysitting swap with her? I wouldn;t look after someone else's 2 year old if I was a single parent with 3 year old twins, and I CERTAINLY wouldn't do it on my night off. YABU unless you already do a fair whack of childcare for her, in which case you would have grounds for a moan.

Totally agree with coldtits. Do you take her twins sometimes? If so then you're being reasonable, if not then you're not!

Well basically anytime that she had to go the doctors, wanted to go into town or went into town for a night out I was the one in charge of DT's at her house okay I wasn't doing it over night but all the times I have looked after them for a few hours here and there through the day and she wont so much as look after him whilst I nip out to do the shopping (I dont drive).

Also it wasn't her night off as such, they go on a friday afternoona dn come back on sunday night/monday morning. so she has a fair few days and I NEVER ask her to wtch DS as she always used to say no even when DT's dad was there.

I'm sorry I am just so pissed off about it because theonefecking time I ask and she sys no because she would like to have the choice whether she should go out.

Mmm this is a difficult one.
I can understand her wanting to relax and time to herself being a single parent to 3 year old twins must be hard work.
Do you ever look after her twins ?
If yes then I would say YANBU but if never then YABU.

I wouldn't expect someone with 3 yo twins to babysit my child overnight if their children were elsewhere.

Could you not ask your mother to babysit your child at your house for a few hours whilst you and DP go out for a meal?

I would stop helping her out then and make it clear you are happy to help out but expect help in return.
It sounds like she is happy to take but not give back.

She said no to babysitting because she might want to do something. So that rules out even a few hours.

Then she offered up my DB who is 14YO to watch him for a few hours but I'm not sure I'comfortable with that.

I must remember and tell her no next time she needs to go somewhere, I need to stop playing the bloody mug I think.

I know its hard but when you have a young mum they often have rather very different lifestyle to older retired grandparents.
It's hard when the cultural norm is for grnadparents to babysit and be excited to spend some time alone with there GC but younger GP are either still having kids or want to enjoy the freedom that they didn't have in there youth.
My parents were teenage parents, and fantatsic grandparents, and they are just now able to have the freedom and finances to be able to go on holiday, out for meals have hobbies all the things they couldn't do when they were parents. They won't be helping out with childcare they same whay DH older retired parents will want too.

I knwo that sleepyeyes, I feel like a right bitch moaning about it but just one night in 3 years is all I'm asking

It's not alot really is it? and she has'nt actually got anything planned.

I loked after the DT's for a week once, 7am-5pm when my mum was'nt feeling to great and their dad was going to work, yet she can't even give me one fecking night!!! ARGH. am just getting wound up about this now, jut feel as though it's fine for me t be stuck in with 3 kids yet she cant look after my one.

It doesn't sound fair, mamadiva.

Would your DB be a good babysitter then? It sounds worthwhile pursuing it.

Nice for your DS to spend some time with his uncle too.

I can understand your anger now looking after her twins for that amount of time and for her not to babysit, a one off not a life time commitment.
Sadly I think you will just have to accept the situation. But make it clear no more babysitting.

How responsible is your brother? Would your DS be in bed before you went out. I'd say, if he is a good lad and your DS is in bed, then let him babysit. As long as you aren't too far away and he can contact you if needed then he should be fine.

I know how you feel though. My parents don't look after mine and DH's mum does occasionally on NYE, but thats it. I don't expect it as such, but I looked after my brothers and sister all of the time when I was younger!

It doesn't sound fair and I would stop all babysitting for her until she helps you out.