To not want to spend valentines day with MIL?

[kayzr]

We were meant to be going to the job centre as DH has just been laid off and he was told I had to go to prove I exist and that we are married. But he just rang them to check what documents we have to take and they said I don't have to go after all. So he rang MIL to see if she would give him a lift as we were planning on getting the bus and then going for lunch somewhere.

He then agreed to us going round this afternoon after he is finished at the job centre.

I know we weren't planning on a weekend in Paris or anything but still I'd rather spend it with DH and our boys.

So AIBU?

Depends. Do you generally get on OK with your MIL or is it a matter of armed neutrality? If she's lovely generally, then YABU, you might as well have a nice day with her. If she's a bitch and your DH knows that the two of you don't get on very well, it's a bit unreasonable of him to arrange for you all to go there without consulting you.

Sorry but you are being unreasonable. You are asking her for a lift then want her to bugger off when she has kindly invited you all over to her house.

It's just the afternoon, if this was a weekday you (excluding the whole laying-off thing) wouldn't have seen each other until the evening anyway.

So unless you and MIL don't get on (and DH knows this) I don't think it's necessarily a problem.

We don't get on at all. She is always making snide comments and being nasty to me but if I say anything to DH and he takes it up with her I'm lying and making it up.

I am not asking her for a lift DH is, I was more than happy going by bus.

If you don't get on with your MIL then that's a separate issue that needs to be addressed, it being Valentines day is incidental.

It's obviously just me then that would like to spend valentines day with my DH.

I think it;s OK to be anoyed that your DH arranged a visit to your MIL when he knows the two of you don't get on - though he may have been trying to get you and her to be on better terms and going about it in a clumsy way.
But don;t get too stressed about the date: valentine's day is a marketing exercise for mugs and teenagers.

I think I am more annoyed about the fact we had planned to do something today but he changed it without asking me if I minded.

Yep, and YANBU to be annoyed that he had changed plans without consulting you, but if it was the other way around (your mother had offered you a lift somewhere and then invited you and DH and the kids round for the afternoon) wouldn't you have found it hard to say no?

No I wouldn't find it hard if we had planned to do something.

I would be upset (issues with MIL here too). But I would also be upset if DH had arranged something with my mum or anyone on a special day without asking me. I could very well tell my own mum "We'll come tomorrow/next week, we have plans for today". Easy!

I would be p.o'd too but if he's like most men then DH probaby didn't even put together the invitation with the fact its valentines day (?)

If you have issues with MIL, you need to address them (easier said than done, I know, I had major probs with ex-dh and his dm) but this seems like a teeny part of a bigger issue???

My MIL's BIRTHDAY is on VD, so we're fubared all round. We just celebrate VD on the 16th instead - cheaper and less forced, anyway.