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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have only barely kept from going spare in the blooming nursery this evening?

64 replies

Ronaldinhio · 13/02/2009 19:09

I picked my 8 mth old up early from nursery this evening to attend my other ill DD's 2nd birthday. (Unnecessary information but I like to set the scene)

Her key worker said in passing that it's her last day working with DD2 as on Monday she starts downstairs in the big child room. Complete surprise to me I say
Her too, she says as they only told her this afternoon.
Was anyone actually going to tell me, ask my opinion? I ask
Erm no she replies....
Speak with the nursery surpervisor tell her that I thought the keyworker ideal was for security and continuity of care and that I found this particularly important in the care of my baby.
She said that they need to move her keyworker downstairs as it's busier there and they've taken on someone new for the babyroom.

Surely there should be some communication, handover, discussion and importance placed upon maintaining the status quo especially amongst young children?
They said they will have a newsletter out in a few weeks that just made me worse

So am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Pruners · 14/02/2009 09:30

Message withdrawn

mrsruffallo · 14/02/2009 09:33

Ronaldinho, what a civilised response to all the YABU's!
I am impressed

nannyL · 14/02/2009 09:48

Ronaldinion

I was describing what happens

It is normal and wode spread

if you dont like it dont send you child to nursary

for what its worth you couldnt pay me to send my own child to a nursary!... i have seen enough with my own eyes and herd enough from close friends who work / have worked in nursarys (that im sure the parenst wouldnt see or be told) to know that i wouldnt do it!

almsot all of my nanny friends have the same oopinion!

(i have never worked in a nursary btw and never would)

also as for illness.... babies are more likely to be ill (when a nirsary wont take them but a nanny will) than the nanny so still think it works in your favour!

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 14/02/2009 09:53

nannyL I am sure there are a lot of nursery workers who would be quite offended by your statement.

Ronaldinio I think you are mostly being unreasonable but I too would be expected to be told in advance just as a customer service really.

purepurple · 14/02/2009 09:56

I work in a nursery and I would never send my children as babies and never did.

Pruners · 14/02/2009 09:58

Message withdrawn

Cloudspotter · 14/02/2009 10:02

Ronaldinio, I think you are reacting normally.

When you sign up with a nursery, they do explain the whole keyworker system, and with an 8mo it is a really sensitive issue. At that age, the attachment to regular faces is a really important aspect of their care.

It is one thing when a member of staff leaves altogether, but to move her to another room, without any communication or a transitional period is a bit radical.

Setting up a nanny is not an option for most mothers - it requires a lot more trust in one person, which I feel you can only have if you have a recommendation or a trusted source.

Given that nursery care is a commonly used option for under 1's, the use of keyworkers and attachment is one of the things that makes this palatable. So I don't think you are being unreasonable that the nursery have completely ignored this.

nannyL · 14/02/2009 10:23

sorry if it offends any nursray workers, Not sure how i could as im just stating a fact!

must have had this conversation with at least 50+ nannies / nursary workers, many of whom have worked in nursarys... (But i havent)

and none of us would send our babies there!

a very good friend if mine as i say was the most seniour member of staff on one of the nursarys in the town where everyone wanted to send their babies... and there is no way she would let her own baby go there...

she has now moved to a bigger chain.... where the jiggle the staff / babies round almost every day! (so they can be as full as possible with max profit ... ot is there policy that this doesnt happen but the mmanager wont turn down any paying customer eunless every space in every room is full... oh and even when it is, he will still allow an extra child or 2 to be booked into the system as he relies on a few children being off sick... so then he gets paid for more places than his nursary takes.... and during the snow all the children had to pay their fees as normal and all the staff who couldnt get in were unpaid )

i would never send my own baby to a nursary, but might send a toddler aged child.

I am entitled to this opinion and have it based on

  1. 1st hand expereiance seeing babies / staff in nursarys
  2. converstaions with many people who have worked in many nursarys, where as a result of these converstaions i have decided i wouldnt put my own baby in those environments at those (many) specific nursarys, and nor would the staff who work there.
nannyL · 14/02/2009 10:25

just to add i would be very happy for all my nanny friends and my nursary worker friends, to be a nanny or childminder or babysitter for my own children

Pruners · 14/02/2009 10:26

Message withdrawn

moondog · 14/02/2009 10:31

'Fundamentally I am their end customer and I think that they put their immediate needs above those of my daughter and their professed ethos of continuous and standard care...not wise in today?s market.'

Of course they do!! It's a business, not a charity.

Furthermore, on the money thry are on, i hardly think continuity of care high on list of priorities.

doggiesayswoof · 14/02/2009 10:32

Just as an aside

I am happy overall with DD's nursery (she leaves to go to school in the summer and she's been there since she was 6mo)

BUT - their one failing is communication with parents. I have banged this drum for years, through a change in management and many staff changes. I don't get why it's so hard.

moondog · 14/02/2009 10:37

Best thing for all these places would be to have a website, and have parents to be resonsible for logging in.

doggiesayswoof · 14/02/2009 10:40

I agree moony

I have suggested same.

At one point they collected email addresses from parents - and all we get is a monthly newsletter, which arrives 3/4 of the way through the month so none of it is news

and it is full of crucial stuff like "make sure your child has a warm coat so we can take the children outside"

Northernlurker · 14/02/2009 10:43

I would expect to be told in advance if my daughter's keyworker was leaving but moving to another room in the nursery - so that she is still present is not so much of a big deal imo so you were being a tiny bit unreasonable.

That aside - nannyL I think you need to appreciate that your experience is NOT typical. I have used two nurseries for my daughters. They all part of the same group of 4 owned locally. Dd2 received excellent care in which her own preferences were a priority (she was still able to have a nap well past 4 because she liked doing so). Now aged 8 she has fond memories of nursery and talks often about it. Dd3 has been going to nursery since she was 1. I have been delighted with the baby room - staff continuity has been good. Nobody has left in the 9 months we've been using the nursery. The staff are a range of ages but with one thing in common - B adores all of them. They speak to me with interest and enthusiasm about her development and have done a great job as she moves down to the toddler room. For a long time now she has been spending mornings downstairs and the going up for her nap. After her nap she hasn't wanted to go downstairs so she's stayed upstairs. Last week the staff told me with great pride that she had asked to go back downstairs after her nap. She can carry on napping in the room upstairs for as long as I wish and they will just adjust things accordingly. Every day I'm told what's played with, what she liked doing, what nappy changes she has had and how long she slept - to the exact mninute! I'm posting all this because frankly I'm fed up of nursery bashing on here. If you pick a good nursery your child will receive excellent care that you can feel confident in.

Pruners · 14/02/2009 10:57

Message withdrawn

MrsJamin · 14/02/2009 11:02

TBH that's what I'd expect from a nursery, and why I chose a CM instead. They should be better at communicating changes but in the end they are a business with lots of workers and they need to move them around to minimise costs and make the most profit.

tankie · 14/02/2009 11:09

I work in nurseries at the moment, and tbh wouldn't send an under-two to one. And what NannyL says about moving staff and children between rooms during the day is very widespread, you have to to maintain ratios! Especially during staff break times. I expect it happens to some extent in every nursery, staff have to count children constantly to make sure ratios are kept to, "Jane, you and a couple of babies go through to toddlers for an hour til Nicky gets back from lunch" etc.

I'm a bit suprised that anyone would expect their nursery to consult them about moving staff tbh In my experience parents mostly find out about staffing changes when they come in one morning and are introduced to a new face.

With nannies/childminders, you pay for one consistent person to look after your child. With a nursery you pay for the consistent place, not the staff.

Original poster
Ronaldinhio · 14/02/2009 11:11

Errr
I don't think I ever suggested that the nursery is a charity. We pay £2k per month for them to go there. I'm not expecting them to run their business around me but communicating change with me and demonstrating some skill in planning a change like this wouldn't have made me cross.

I've said I've thought I was being a little unreasonable but as ever on AIBU so are some of the divine posters

OP posts:
usernamechanged345 · 14/02/2009 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tankie · 14/02/2009 11:13

And as nannyL says too, a lot of nurseries DO rely on some children being sick or not coming in each day to stay within ratio.

I actually enjoy working in nursery - I think it can be a great experience for 3-4 year olds, and probably 50% of the 2-3s really get a lot out of it. But it is a tough environment, especially when they do such long days, and not an optimal environment for a baby imho.

Pruners · 14/02/2009 11:14

Message withdrawn

tankie · 14/02/2009 11:17

Pruners, I'm not suprised that parents want one person to liaise with! But, every form of childcare has different pros and cons - nurseries are never closed due to staff sickness, whereas childminders and nannies are sometimes off sick for example. With nannies and childminders you have one person to liaise with, in nurseries staff change may be quite rapid. At the end of the day no form of care is going to meet everything, so you choose what you want to compromise on.

Pruners · 14/02/2009 11:28

Message withdrawn

immortalbeloved · 14/02/2009 12:04

OP I think yabu a bit, but you have handled yourself so well on this thread, so fair play to you

However I'm afraid I do agree with NannyL, I have had a lot of experiences with nurseries, and with training staff in them and I would never send one of my babies there nor will the majority of the people I've known who worked in them, some were hiring childminders while going into work in the nursery!, I would and have sent them from 3 onwards but there is such a huge gap between the care standards they are supposed to provide and the ones they actually do, which quite often the parents don't realise at the time