to be annoyed at my friend using my AP for her childcare?

[NewTeacher]

Hello All

I have a friend who shares the school run with me (well my AP). I have found on a number of occasions when I come home from work that her son is at my house. She has usually popped off to the shops and then has the cheek to say I should drop him home!

I dont mind if she asks in advance if we are staying in then its not a problem but she seems to think I never have any plans!

The other day she left her son even though the AP said she wasnt sure if it was ok (she was too polite to say no) saying she was just quickly going to the shops. My son was going to a friends to play that day so it wasnt convenient. When I got home I called her to find what time she was coming but she wasnt answering her phone. She came by an hour and a half later and was told by AP that I had to cancel playdate as we didnt know when she would be back.

She phoned me later to apologise (if you can call it that) by saying there was a misunderstanding and that AP hadnt made it clear that her son could not stay and then trying to make me feel guilty by saying "do you have a problem with my DS staying when your DS has a playdate I thought they could play together, if you feel you need to discuss it call me". I thought thats a bit cheeky just because my DS has a playdate doesnt mean I want her son to be there too! I think she thought the play date was at my house even so I have two DC's and another 2 DC's were coming to play so TBH I didnt really want her DS there as well especially as he is a bit hyper.

When I called her back to discuss it she pre empted me by saying "AP tells me you were upset that my DS stayed today why was that?" I know AP didnt say that as I discussed what happened with her before I called. I told her that in future if she wanted her DS to stay she should call me first and I would let AP know as sometimes we have plans and AP is not aware of them. SO she says why didnt she just say no he cant stay? I told her that the AP was too polite to say no and really she shouldnt be making arrangements with my AP they should be made directly with me.

I was pretty annoyed was i being unreasonable??

Takes a bow!

I do feel proud of myself...

I too think that your au pair should charge your friend if your friend is ever rude enough to ask again.

You handled it really well. I would have slapped the selfish cows face (which would have achieved nothing).

YANBU. Maybe you should ask her to contribute something towards AP's wages.

I would go absolutely nuclear if this ever happened to me.

You are not being unreasonable - but you are in danger of being walked on.

Sorry, but what is an AP? Trying desperately to work it out from context, and failing miserably

Your AP was not "too polite" to say no; she was not firm enough, probably because she did not have clear enough instructions from you, her employer, as to what to do in the circumstances.

You must clarify what you wish for your AP to do in such circumstances.

Redpyjamas - AP = Au pair

Anna, she did further on in thread.

au pair