Would you be annoyed when no effort has been made?

[Lovemyshoes]

DH is an absolute nightmare to feed, he is so finicky.

I decide to do a valentine meal, was going to have curry, but thought against it because he is so fussy and decided to do him steak, chips and mushrooms. But was going to still spend ages doing a pudding etc and do the candles the works.

We agreed weeks ago he would be responsible for getting the wine and the starter, he has had ample opportunity.

He is now working for the next 3 days and won't be getting home until well after 7pm and has just let it slip he has got NOTHING, except himself some steak (which he knows I won't eat,)

His excuse "I didn't know what to get", how the hell does he think I've felt for the past years only being able to cook certain things cos of his tastes.

So now I'm pissed off, was looking forward to nice night and feel like if he can't make an effort why should I?

crikey, just get takeaay , sounds much easier!
can't you both go shopping on Saturday and choose something?

Could you take the stress out of it by getting a lovely takeaway (make DH order it!)? Or just buy lovely bits and pieces from Waitrose or M&S that you'd both like? I hope he comes up trumps with a decent card and pressie for you!

I would be pissed off with the selfishness of getting himself something but not bothering about you.

I wouldn't be planning on celebrating romance with a man who couldn't be fucked to spare a thought for me, tbh.

I'd be making him a dog shit pie.

Have a curry, I would. Mind you I don't observe valentine's day, I think all these invented celebrations are a crock of shit.

Great minds Compo

To be honest, i don't like take away, I make my own pizza's etc from scratch.

He is working till well past 7 on thurs, fri and sat.

Buy lovely ready-made stuff then - and stop pandering to DH otherwise he'll become another child!

Most supermarkets are open until at least 10pm now, getting home after 7pm is NOT an excuse tell him to get his lazy arse in gear.

Libra

Most supermarkets open early on a monday and don't shut until 10pm on a saturday so he has plenty of time to go.

Lovemyshoes

Give him a list and tell him to get it.

My dh gets home at 7.30 at the earliest, often later and he does all our cooking - it can be done.

Not impressed. As had been said, shops do open after 7pm. He may have been at work but he can drag himself to the shops for a special occasion surely? And buying something for himself but not you is off - what is he expecting you to eat?

I would say, for now, either
a) make plans to go out on your own to a film /with friends instead (though in a way this lets him off the hook)
b) tell him firmly he can go and shop or there'll be trouble...

but I'd also be tempted, given what you said about him being a nightmare to cook for, that you try being a bit less accommodating about this in future, since he doesn't seem to appreciate your efforts as much as he ought to. How about making the same thing or same 2 things all week, and then when he mentions it, say cheerfully that it seems best because it's so hard to shop for lots of different things he likes...if he has other ideas he can make his own dinner?

I hate the whole valentines day charade and always have. I tell my husband to buy me flowers any day of the year except valentines. It is such a big marketing con. I once heard a man in a card shop say to his mate "I better get the missus a card or I'll be in the dog house" and that sums it up for me. Women place a whole heap of emotional investment into it and men just go through the motions. Once you understand that there is absolutely no point observing it.

M&S do some lovely meals for £10

sure there can be something you both like

and NO excuse not being able to get to shops, many are open past 7!!!

"Women place a whole heap of emotional investment into it and men just go through the motions. Once you understand that there is absolutely no point observing it."

erm, the OP and her husband had agreed TOGETHER to have a special meal and they had agreed TOGETHER what each of them would do towards it. Sounds like a joint decision to me.

The husband now just hasnt bothered to do his bit, doesnt matter what day of the year iot is, when you agree to do somthing for someone you love and then dont just because you cant be bothered to put some thought into it, that is very hurtful

(I speak from experience)

I agree with eightieschick in a way.
Nudge him into thinking about this more. All the effort, can't you instead of making the decisions about what to buy and cook just ask him evertime. Go out for meals with friends or even invite friends over, Tell him what you are going to cook for it and then ask him to sort himself out.
I know this sounds selfish but he is being selfish. Try and get him to do other things for you e.g. little things that you know makes you feel special.

your dh is "nightmare to feed"....

what is he? a toddler? a dog?

gawd

if he is such a pain and can't be arsed to do anything, make your own arrangements and have a girls night out

Err, am I missing something - Valentine's Day is not til Saturday right??! YABU to post an AIBU on this now. At least wait until Sunday morning when you know he has truly fucked up!

Good point Rindercella! He might just pull through at the last hour.

I too have a picky eating dh and I either just cook something that I know he'll eat or I just leave him to it and let him forage himself. I'm not his keeper!

It becomes so demoralising when you spend ages trying something only to be told he doesn't like it! So I gave up! Honestly...here's the list:
no pasta, nothing with a 'creamy' sauce, no 'mushy' food i.e. shepherds pie, lasagne etc....god I'm soooo bored of chicken and baked potatoes.

oops..sorry..have hijacked this thread.

yes, agree with those who said that it's a meal you've planned together...he's still got time. maybe give him options of what he wants from M&S or curry, rather than going to too much effort?