to want ANOTHER baby before I get too old?

[IrrationallyBroody]

Can't quite understand why I want another one, have 3DCs already aged between 7 and 12. Have recently become a SAHM mum because working full time was too much and I felt that I did not have enough time for the kids I've already got. Am looking for some part time work currently.

I'm now 37 and I have this irrational desire to have another baby before it's too late. I have this guilt that DD lost out on having a sister (had a stillborn girl when DD was 4) but even if I had another baby now, there's no guarantee it would be a girl and there would be a 13 year age gap! I also did not really enjoy my DCs early years as with DD I was quite isolated and had no help and was stressed out and then the other 2 came along and it was chaos!! So I suppose I am thinking that if I had another one, it would be easier as DCs are a lot older and I could enjoy it while the others are at school.

My brain tells me though, why go would I want to go through the baby years again and maybe my older DCs would miss out as I would be busy with a new one! Also DD will be old enough to babysit DSs in a few years so DH and I could regain our social life.

DH is easy with it BTW but he says he will not be getting up in the night with it if I decide to go ahead as he's had enough of all that! Am I nuts or is this normal when women reach a certain age??

Well personally I think you are a little nuts, but there are plenty on this site who would disagree with me and so go for it.

The only thing I would say is
"Also DD will be old enough to babysit DSs in a few years so DH and I could regain our social life."

Erm if you decide to have a baby either you look after it or you pay a babysitter, your older children should not be used as free babysitting whenever you feel like it.

Well personally I think you are a little nuts, but there are plenty on this site who would disagree with me and so go for it.

The only thing I would say is
"Also DD will be old enough to babysit DSs in a few years so DH and I could regain our social life."

Erm if you decide to have a baby either you look after it or you pay a babysitter, your older children should not be used as free babysitting whenever you feel like it.

So for double post. Is anyone else finding M a little buggy at the moment?

also that's not "so go for it." it should be "say go for it".

I don't think that having children is ever particularly rational!! If you want to, then go for it, that's all there is to it!

Btw, Dsd is 21 and has never, ever baby sat for us!!

I was not suggesting DD would look after the baby! I was saying that if I did not have another one, she could watch my DSs if we went out from time to time and when she's 16, the youngest will be 11 . Anyway whats wrong with older DCs looking after their siblings occasionally??

I went through this. I always wanted 3 and sold all baby stuff etc after DC3. Then about a year later I got really broody but dh said no, he didnt want the baby bit again. I also didnt really enjoy the early years.
Dh did eventually give in and we had DC4, not quite such a big gap as yours only just over 4 years.
Not sure if it is normal to feel like it though. I was never broody before and have never been since!
Don't expect your dd to babysit alot, your social life will have to wait again! mine does babysit sometimes but we do pay her!

i wouldn't have another one with my eye already on when i'd regain my social life, tbh.

lots of things could get in the way of that.

i think what you feel is normal, but if your DH has said he's had enough of getting up in the night, well, you need to take him at his word.

have you had any counselling about your daughter's death?

that might be a good idea before making any decisions, tbh.

The new baby may put paid to your pt work. Is the thought of having to look for work contributing to broodiness as an alternative?

I know someone who had a surprise 4th baby. The age gap is 8 years from the youngest and the oldest were girls in their early teens. She did comment on the built-in childcare from her old daughters as being very helpful this time round. I suppose if you had older sons, there is no reason why they could not help out and babysit as well.

I do have thoughts of eeking another one out before menopause - because I see how much my dd loves her baby brother and she is dead keen for a baby sister. But ah well, I am not acting on it for practical considerations, not least the fact that I have tricky sleepers with difficult temperaments as babies.

My ds1 was 17 when i had ds2, so if you think yours would be a big gap think again

i would love a 3rd, but highly unlikely now i am single again

ds1 was full of promises about babysitting and he hasnt done much, too busy with his social life

It wouldn't be the biggest gap ever. My MIL had a surprise 5th child at the age of 42, when her 4th was 18. Although, her DD (now 3) is essentially growing up as an only child, because all her half-siblings are grown up and no longer live at home.

So long as you are having a baby because you want a baby and not to fill a void / cement over cracks in a relationship / need an accessory / miss the attention a newborn brings / so on and so forth, I say go for it! Age gaps don't really matter, and sleepless nights pass! You know in your heart what you want, no one can tell you otherwise!

Well I was in your shoes once!
I had DS1(12),DD(11),DS2(8) and eventually got DH to agree to No4(DS3)......& No5(DS4),
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then No6 arrived,( but he was a surprise!).

I've never regreted it but it won't be like having 4 (or more!) close together.
The older 3 adored their baby brothers, and are still very close even though they went off to university and work when the little ones were young. DD was like a 2nd mum to them. She was never forced to look after them she wanted to. As did the older boys to a lesser extent.
The older 3 are now in their 20's and come home bringing there own DPs whenever they can.They are a source of realistic and sensible advice re GCSE choices and the like.They can point out the pitfalls of sticking with the 'cool kids' much better than mum and dad because they did it themselves so recently.

The main problems of having a large family in two halves was having babies/nappies/car seats/pushchairs etc. When you're doing parents'evenings, out of school sports and all the teenage taxi service stuff.We needed 2 cars to ensure the older ones got to where they needed to be and more often than not the little ones had to come along too.