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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is boasting and therefore irritating?

41 replies

chosenone · 10/02/2009 15:57

Or am I just envious of my friend? We've been close friends since childhood but are really quite different, she is quite the yummy mummy and and a SAHM I am a bit more of a lefty boho type with quite a busy career! She is always quick to tell us how much her boots, tops, kitchen, holidays etc cost and will even say I might go back to work but we just don't need the money to a roomful of exasperated over worked mums! she has a well off partner but they also have a lot of debt that they seem not to even think about paying off!

Equally she is still a bit of a baby bore even though her DC are 3 and 1 she's happy to regale anyone with tales of her childrens bowel movements, toilet training, artisitc and sporty talents and seems to think and will happily say how very bright they are and oh so forward! the health visitor, doctor etc said so! I know she's happy that she has what she see's as the perfect, house, posessions, partner and 2.4 children but can she not talk about other things?? Particularly when other mums we meet with are struggling financially, and juggle work and family life? She panics if the dishwasher's not working or she can't get DC to pre school cos of the weather so she can have 'me time'!!!

OP posts:
alphabetsoup · 10/02/2009 16:22

It's less irritating and more boring imo...

MrsSchadenfreude · 10/02/2009 16:39

She needs a job to give her some decent conversation. Go on, tell her. I dare you. SAHMs only ever speak about their children, school, kitchen worktops and the cost of their Asda/Waitrose shop. You are lucky that she even talks about clothes.

Go on, have a quiet word.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 10/02/2009 16:45

Oh, MrsSchaaaaaadenfreeeeeude....come over here, I have a little pressie for yooooooooooou....

cheshirekitty · 10/02/2009 16:48

She sounds insecure to me. Is she lonely? Has she many friends?

MillyR · 10/02/2009 16:51

I tend to think that if you were really her friend you would be happy that she is happy. I mean, she is only talking about her own life. She hasn't made critical remarks about your choices. And surely you're happy too? You talk about enjoying your job and say it is fulfilling in front of her I would imagine.

Or is there more to it?

TheYearOfTheCat · 10/02/2009 16:53

Yep, sounds like she is trying to prove too much how wonderful her life is. When she next talks about how advanced her children are, muse out loud . . . hmm, very interesting. I wonder who she / he takes after?

TheCrackFox · 10/02/2009 17:03

maybe you have both out grown each other?

Oi, MrsSchadsuenfreude, come here, I have a lovely pressie for you.

thesockmonsteroflurve · 10/02/2009 17:06

Oi, MrsSchadsuenfreude, come here, I have a lovely pressie for you.

ActivityApple · 10/02/2009 17:17

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bigeyes · 10/02/2009 17:33

maybe she one of those that the guardian cow refers to in her article!

But I do feel some pangs when I see the yummy mummy brigade and feel a bit frumpy that day - there is also a thread about this too today!

Jenbot · 10/02/2009 17:51

I'm voting for the "you've just grown apart" thing too.

twinsetandpearls · 10/02/2009 17:57

Maybe she is just so blissfully happy that she cant see that other people are not as happy. Maybe she is overcompenstaing.

I can be a bit like your friend when I am happy, at the moment my life seems wonderful and I am so happy I have to tell people because I would burst otherwise. I often tell people about my fabulous dd, great partner, lovely house because I know how great my life is because I have been through shit. I would like to think my friends are happy for me. It would piss you off more if she did not see how happy she was and was moaning.

LeQueen · 10/02/2009 19:14

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lilstarry1 · 10/02/2009 19:17

IF you are good friends then I think your attitude is pretty dire, you actually risk sounding petulant and jealous.

If you are just acquaintances I don't think you are being unreasonable to find her attitude annoying, but then I'm very much of the mindset if someone pisses you off all the time and they aren't a great friend, don't see them!

I think it's a shame we live in a world where one person's happiness is judged in relation to other people's misfortune. If I was having a really dire day and a horrid time I'd still want my friends and loved ones to be happy, in fact I'd feel better for it.

Nekabu · 10/02/2009 19:19

I sometimes wonder if the only acceptable conversations are those on neutral topics or the weather. If someone is saying that something's wrong with their life then they're moaning and if they're saying that their life is just peachy then they're boasting. Does it really have to be that way amongst friends?

LeQueen · 10/02/2009 19:20

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lilstarry1 · 10/02/2009 19:20

Ohh and I agree with LeQueen, I'm happy to talk Bio-chemistry if you like? Or discuss Don Quixote? Or the impacts of gender stereotyping in toys...

Of course as I'm at home all the time doing nothing but monitoring my little chilluns bowl habits so you'll forgive me if it takes me a while...

LeQueen · 10/02/2009 19:23

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notnowbernard · 10/02/2009 19:25

You sound a bit catty, IMO

LeQueen · 10/02/2009 19:26

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Nekabu · 10/02/2009 19:28

LeQueen, I know what you mean ...

lilstarry1 · 10/02/2009 19:30

You mean you aren't absolutely and totally consumed by your children all day every day? Shock

I'm pretty good at multi-tasking, but yes being a stay at home parent does mean I have more time for random learning! Tho' I can't agree with the implication that parents at home have nothing other to talk about, surely that's a choice made by a person? If you find yourself amongst a group of "friends" and you're all only ever talking about kids, it's probably not such a fabulous social circle.

FfreckleFface · 10/02/2009 19:37

'she has a well off partner but they also have a lot of debt that they seem not to even think about paying off! '

I think you are being unreasonable, and also a little smug yourself. The tone of your post suggests that you are irritated not because she boasts, but because you feel that you are superior to her, so she has no right to boast. Her debt, and whether or not she wants to pay it off, is her own business. If it bothers you, don't spend time with her. I'd be a bit upset if I had a friend I had known since childhood who I bored so much they would resort to an internet forum rather than tell me to my face.

It is quite possible that she feels the need to justify her decision to stay at home to a 'lefty boho type with quite a busy career', and so is overdoing the spending stories so no one questions further why she hasn't returned to work.

I think you should just try and engineer the conversation away from her favourite topics if it bothers you as much as it clearly does.

Original poster
chosenone · 10/02/2009 21:35

ok some good points!

yes I think I will try and be more honest though! I might laugh and say we're not all talking shite again are we? when the bowel movements come up! and the broshures of new kitchens I'll smile and at and be happy for her, but when I try and talk about Barack O Bama, Slumdog Millionaire I'll keep going instead of clamming up as the conversation turns back to how bright and independent DC are as they get everyone up at 5am to stimulate them!

I do sound catty and possibly jealous but it is hard sometimes to be honest when other peoples conversations seem to be boring or superficial, in my opinion obviously, and when more interesting topics come up they're sneered at or ignored!! and yes its her debt her business but boasting about material things bought on the never never does seem a bit ...silly? but yes up to them!

OP posts:
MollieO · 10/02/2009 21:36

Neither boasting or irritating imo, just different from your life. If you don't like her then don't socialise with her. Simple really.

I remember meeting a friend of a friend at a lunch party a while ago. She spent the entire time talking about her house (very big) her car (very big) her salary (very big). Her husband barely spoke other than to agree with what she said. By the end of lunch I knew more about them than I'd ever want to know and they knew absolutely nothing about me. Fortunately I never have to see them again

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