To be ready to kill?

[Hawkmoth]

DP's ExW promised she had put divorce petition into court two weeks ago. Heard nothing, so rang round all possible courts today to see if they had it on their books.

Of course my worst fears were realised and not even a fucking sniff of it.

After six months of her being completely bone idle about the divorce now she has resorted to bare faced lies to get DP off her back. I could honestly kill her.

Her solicitor is supposed to be ringing me back. If not I will get DP to serve her instead. STUPID FUCKING BITCH.

"Don't make it into a personal fight between you and her" particularly not when there are kids involved who I am guessing your husband will continue to have contact with.

I don't think we did lay off the contraception, but point well made. Complete accident. And, at the time it happened she had promised she was waiting for a copy letter and was going to put the petition (which has bee filled in since August) into the court.

If it comes down to it, I'm stressed because if she wasn't a liar it would have been sorted by now and ditto if he would have stood up for himself, which is admittedly tough to do when someone is threatening you with never seeing your kids again.

I'm angry because I've been lied to and I believed it. I'm angry because in reality there's nothing I can do. I'm angry because the man I love is being shit on and doesn't seem half as bothered as I would be.

I'm angry at myself because I had started to believe it would soon be over. The times I've watched my DP cry over those poor children being in the middle of all this, it's no wonder he can't fight.

Please calm down.

You are pregnant.

You have him now.

Either get him to serve papers on her or stop letting her know you want her to do it as it is the sure fire way of it not being done.

I agree, you need to distance yourself from this as it's not in your control to change things, so you are wasting your time.

Does it REALLY matter? You're with him, you're in love with each other you're having his baby. The rest is just paperwork isn't it?

I think the way you are going you're just adding fuel to her fire. If there are children involved and she has already shown that she's prepared to mess around with contact my advice (from experience) would be to back right off and not try to do anything that will piss her off, because the ones that will suffer if she does decide to get difficult are the children.

Well I can relate to having sit back and watch the man you love breaking his heart because he can't see his children. It does make you feel like you want to rush in and rescue him and sort things out. And when the other party are being unreasonable that is hard to accept.

Yup, after all this ranting I'm going straight back to supportive shoulder mode. I think I can just about manage that.

I know I ABU about the paperwork aspect of it, it's like a mental block for me. I was still married to my ExH when I had my DD but we'd been apart for ages and I don't think either of us could have cared less.

I understand why you are angry and upset..the problem is that if you don't find a different way to look at it all, you may end up making things even worse.

As it happens, my DP was still married to his ex when i was pg. Luckily, she felt strongly that she did not want to be married to someone who was having a child with someone else, and rushed the divorce through. (they did not have children). I felt relieved because it felt odd to be having a child with someone when another person was legally and technically his next-of-kin. You could popint out gently to your DP that this is an issue for you, but you need to be able to support him and be calm and patient. It will pay off in the end, honestly!

It's perfectly OK to be angry. And don't think you need to put a lid on it and bury it because that isn't healthy either.

When I used to get angry at dsd's mum and the system I used to write letters to her or CAFCASS/whoever. Say exactly what I wanted to no holds barred. Then I'd edit it, edit it again, get it the stage where I thought I could send it and it wouldn't be saying what I wanted to at all! But by that stage I had got rid of all the anger. And then I'd burn the letter.