Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a little more than a weak "thank you"

28 replies

hifi · 10/02/2009 14:36

is needed from a neighbour when you have looked after their kids for 5 hours?

they had an appointment and didn't have a carer for their 2 kids. no school because of the snow.

gave them lunch, played in and out, came to collect them and he said"are they ready?" "thanks".
he openly despises dh and is quite arrogant normally but obviously thought i was ok to look after the kids.

its never reciprocal with mine.just thought i might have got a bottle of wine or something.

OP posts:
NAB09 · 10/02/2009 14:37

I wouldn't look after someone's kids if they despised my husband but that isn't the point here. You would have liked more appreciation but some men don't see it like that.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 10/02/2009 14:38

Why would you look after his children when he openly despises your dh?

Lulumama · 10/02/2009 14:38

why do you have the children if they never have yours? if he despises your DH, why on earth are you helping them out? if their children are school aged, then they could have gone with to the appt or could have rescheduled..

i would have said no, that i had prior commitments, unless it was a real friend.

Lulumama · 10/02/2009 14:38

YABU to expect thanks from not very nice people. but that is not a reflection on you

Rhubarb · 10/02/2009 14:40

Why would you expect anything?

You did something nice, their kids had a lovely time with yours, you feel good about yourself for being so kind-hearted as to offer favours without being influenced by their previous actions or meanness.

That should be enough really. I've looked after kids with no notice at all, because their parents weren't at home when I dropped them off, and I never expected nor received anything - one of the dad's didn't even get out of his car or off his phone to thank me. But that's fine, I wasn't doing it for me, I was doing it for his daughter.

Rhubarb · 10/02/2009 14:40

I wasn't doing it for him that should have read.

compo · 10/02/2009 14:42

at least you know not to bother next time

Original poster
hifi · 10/02/2009 14:43

i was put on the spot really.its because hes so off with dh that bothers me .if i had someone elses kids for that length of time i would get them something.

OP posts:
Original poster
hifi · 10/02/2009 14:43

exactly compo.

OP posts:
Original poster
hifi · 10/02/2009 14:45

rhubarb, i really dont mind with friends, i didnt have a warm glow after with them.

OP posts:
Tamarto · 10/02/2009 14:45

What is it with people?

He said thank you, you are capable of saying no if you didn't want to do it.

Does everybody now only do favours for a gift of some sort?

IMO - You do a favour for someone you like to help them out

At the very most i'd hope they'd reciprocate and if they never did for no good reason i'd stop doing them a favour.

Original poster
hifi · 10/02/2009 14:47

well i think dfferently, 5 hours is over and above i think, he said he would be a couple. i suppose i would have doone more and have the same expectations of others.

OP posts:
Original poster
hifi · 10/02/2009 14:48

they would NEVER do the same for us.

OP posts:
NAB09 · 10/02/2009 14:49

Judging others by our own standards can cause problems.

Expect nothing and hope for a surprise.

I wouldn't have the kids again though unless a couple of hours did mean 2.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 10/02/2009 14:55

Given the further info about him saying 2 hours and taking 5 I wonder if he got bad news at the appointment? Cos that is very strange that he asked you in the first place considering his animosity towards your dh.

Tamarto · 10/02/2009 14:56

Some people take the piss. It's useless to expect anything from them, just don't help them. Unless of course you don't mind, but if you didn't mind you wouldn't have posted this.

Original poster
hifi · 10/02/2009 15:03

he didnt get bad news, the opposite actually. it was snowing heavily of course.

i will try very hard infuture not to be taken the piss out of, although this does seem to happen weekly. it goes against my grain not to help or be generous. i suppose im going to have to grow a spine.

OP posts:
LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 10/02/2009 15:09

sure, sorry for you though

lilstarry1 · 10/02/2009 15:56

It isn't about growing a spine or going against what you believe in, do it but know that what you'll get is a half arsed thank you.

I do things that I feel deserve more but I know it's not likely to happen, I do them regardless because that's who I am. I find joy and comfort from the fact that I am that sort of person..

If everyone stopped being kind and helpful because they were disappointed by the response their actions received the world would become an even nastier place! Doing something to help somebody is a great thing and you know that!

charitygirl · 10/02/2009 16:04

oh yanbu, ignore all this crap above. of course he should have said thank you. why should you have to be all hard as nails?

lilstarry1 puts it well. i'm sure the rest of you just think we're doormats.

cheshirekitty · 10/02/2009 16:04

How does your neighbour take the piss?

Why don't you post an invoice for 5 hours child care through his letter box. Lets see, min wage is about £5.70 per hour so lets say £26 per child = £52 for the five hours.

That will wipe the smirk off his face.

Original poster
hifi · 10/02/2009 16:10

hmm, good idea cheshire.

OP posts:
Eve4Walle · 10/02/2009 16:14

YANBU.

People are rude and shocking sometimes - I've just stopped going out of my way to be helpful because I never seem to get much in the way of thanks anymore - verbal or otherwise. Sad that it's come to this, but people take the piss and it makes me mad.

Tamarto · 10/02/2009 16:33

He did say thanks. If you expect more say so instead of pretending you are doing a favour.

Eve4Walle · 10/02/2009 16:37

She was doing him a favour wasn't she?

Maybe it's just the way I was bought up, but I always thought it was common courtesy to get a bunch of poxy daffs the least for someone if they did me a favour, so what's wrong to expect that in return if someone has gone out of their way for you?