Right here's a new one you won't have heard before I promise

[Notevenfunny]

Make yourselves comfortable it's an epic.

I employed a nanny who turned out to be a fruit loop but before i discovered this she managed to find out quite a lot about our business, reading opened mail, listening to conversations etc.

Anyway the nanny left on ok ish terms but went to work for another Mum at the children's C of E school (this is relevant).
I find out tonight that a this nanny has 6 months ago spread a rumor around the playground that I was an escort.
Yes that's right an escort, unfortunately this did coinside with me having an breast uplift and implants.
Now when my friend told me about this rumor I went bright red and left.
Am seriously considering moving the children because a).
I'm not an fucking escort b). I cannot believe people who have known me for 4 years would listen to that crap and not tell me and not tell her it's a load of rubbish.

I have accidently brazened it out because I didn't know about it, but am I unreasonable to find the nanny and throttle her, or seriously what the hell would you do, if anything ?

FWIW, the fact that it has been going around the playground does not mean they were gossiping about you IYSWIM. If she is known for being a nut then it is far more likely that they have been whispering "do you know what that loop is trying to say now".

BTW, you say she found out to much about your business and then started this rumour, is it possible that she could have drawn that conclusion from the things she has read? I just ask because I don't see any other way the two facts are connected?

Do you know who she has actually told, and are you sure the rumours came from her? It all sounds very embarrassing for you, but I think you are doing the right thing in brazening it out. You should not have to move your children because of other people's malice.

And she wants references from you???

Better an escore than an old banger

No she doesn't want a reference, somebody has given her their newborn to look after without refs

Yes she's overheard conversations and put 2 + 2 together and come up with 3, not that I'm a pimp or anything lol.

My real friend finally told me last night although I've known something was up for ages and somebody else came up to me before Christmas and told me they would do whatever they had to do to keep a roof over their heads, I did think that was odd at the time but you don't click do you lol.

I might use a few of the lines here, so thanks for that, I suppose I might see the funny side one day and I'd rather be a thought a prozzie than a thief any day of the week.

bloody hell poor you. i would have a quiet word with someone who speaks to loads of people and mention in passing what the nanny has said and how ridiculous it is.

Start winking at their husbands!

oh hell no smoke without fire you should start acting like an ole Tom.wanton woman out to steal all husbands with your new plastic tits

out of interest are they tasteful tupperware tits or oot there at 'em eye poppers

I'm now intrigued about the conversations she overheard....and sorry but PMSL about your concerned friend - surprised she didn't check you were having safe sex into the bargain.

The boobs, well this is also the funny thing the nanny herself is bulimic and her weights gone up and down so as soon as she saw my "teardrop" boobs ie natural she went and got 36F boobs done herself, saying the weight loss made hers necessary, implying mine weren't
I'm the girl really was unhinged.
Alot of the husbands have been making a point of talking to me at fund raisers and parties, I hadn't thought about it before but it's all coming clear

BLimey, what do you do? (DO I know you?)
Actually, your friends probably didn't say anything to you because they thought, oh, here comes the nutter with more mental rumours. GOsh, nutter, reeeeeely? Have you heard that Gordon Brown is actually a transexual? He is, you know...'

"teardrop" tits sounds preferable to space hopper hooters.not that i am tupperware tit afficianado

does the nanny have tit envy?

The nanny is a right tit IMO, hopefully everyone agree's lol

hike those puppies (after all you paid for them)get some brassy make up on and strut

maintain a dignified air of suspense like the laydee you are. let your gossipy ole nanny bellyache to whomever

Am pmsl at this thread. Sorry.

You need to get a private number plate for the buggy, P1MP, then get some of them there rubber leggings and wear them with a variety of bustiers.
Everytime you see someone from school run to the nearest public phone box and accidentally on purpose get caught sticking business cards on the inside.
Ask the PTA if they would be open to a "fun ladies night" as you know from experience it's a great way to raise funds......

Ooooo, i would have sooo much fun with this if i were you.

oh tantalisingly flash your literature D.Tartt J.Trollope dont forget buggy plates