My 11yr old son has just tentatively started seeing his dad again after several breaks and a lot of not seeing him at all (DS's doing, not his dad's).
DS has my surname, not his dad's. This is because:
a)It was the surname of my paternal grandmother. She was a single parent in the 1930's and did a terrific, and controversial at the time, job of bringing my dad up on her own.
b) My sister has done the same with her daughter, and my daughter carries the maternal surname too.
c) At the time of birth and registration, DS's dad did not want to be on the birth cert. He actively avoided any mention of his name on any of DS's documentation. Although we were together at the time, I know now that he didn't plan to stick around.
My relationship wuth DS's dad ended when DS was 2, and he has refused to pay child support all along. Only recently after a brush with the CSA and the threat of court action, has he deigned to pay less than half what they decided he owed me.
DS came home yesterday from dad's saying that he wanted to go double barrelled, adding his dad's surname. It all smacked of heavy influence fron the ex.
My ex was a violent bully and I consider myself lucky to have escaped from his influence when I did after years of authoritarian rule.
It cuts me deep to think of my son taking his name after the abuse myself and my DD suffered at his hands.