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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really irritated by this (although it's something quite trivial)?

27 replies

scampadoodle · 09/02/2009 13:43

I was at a gallery yesterday, small place next to Tate Modern. There was lots to buy, including cushions as one of the exhibitors was a fabric designer. Anyway, I'm queueing up to pay for something & it was very busy, long slow queue. One man was getting served & he had his wife & 2 daughters with him. The 2 girls (9, 10ish?) & the wife were standing next to the counter, next to the husband/father, blocking any access to the counter even though they were just waiting for him. it was then the turn of the next person in the queue (in front of me) & she was buying lots of cushions & prints. Because the wife & girls were standing there it was really awkward for this woman to hand over purchases as the counter was high & she was on the corner & couldn't move because of this woman. Had that wife been me, I would have apologised, moved, & told my children to move. But she didn't! She stood there, watching this woman struggle. The daughters were oblivious (but I'm not blaming them). It was such roll-your-eyes-middle-class-me-me-me behaviour...

Am I such a pathetic people-pleaser that I think this is really rude??

OP posts:
ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 09/02/2009 13:48

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madwomanintheattic · 09/02/2009 13:48

not sure it's a class thing tbh. i'd have just said 'i'm so sorry' 'could i ask you to move, as you are blocking the counter? thank you!'

i do sometimes have to remind myself that it isn't good for my blood pressure to internalise this stuff when there's a perfectly simple way to dh it lol

madwomanintheattic · 09/02/2009 13:49

x post lol.
but dh it? deal with it - obviously keyboard couldn't keep up with my wittering...

hifi · 09/02/2009 13:52

yanbu, its very annoying when whole groups gather around a till point, why cant they stand back?

lljkk · 09/02/2009 14:10

Yeah, it's rude, but it's typical.
Why are the British so fond of queuing but so bad at it?

catinthehat1 · 09/02/2009 14:19

Scampadoodle are you middle class?
LLJKK are you British?

basementbear · 09/02/2009 14:32

Scampadoodle - were they middle class or foreign visitors? Maybe they don't understand queuing etiquette! I would have stepped in for the woman trying to put her things on the counter and said "excuse me, would you mind moving slightly" but then I do live in central London so I am used to people who don't seem to know the rules

Original poster
scampadoodle · 09/02/2009 15:06

They were British. Cat, I am middle-class yes. Actually when I put 'middle-class' in the OP I wasn't sure if it were relevant. I suppose I meant it was typical self- & child-centred behaviour which always strikes me as a bit MC.

But then I worry I go too much the other way, religiously making sure my children inconvenience other people as little as possible when we're out & about... I'm probably giving them horrendous inferiority complexes

The woman inconvenienced was even posher than they were so obviously suffering from that strangulated courtesy we English do so well...

OP posts:
catinthehat1 · 09/02/2009 15:45

Scamp - (not picking a fight)

Why generalise bad behaviour to a class or a even a nationality? Surely that's far more offensive than recognising that some people on some occasions have lower standards than you do? It is entirely acceptable to acknowledge that fact without simultaneously denigrating yourself and your own class and background.

You're middle class
other lady is middle class
she is arsey
you are not (clearly!)

hence class is not relevant, only arsiness quotient.

ContainsWildPerilousLuurve · 09/02/2009 16:10

I cannot understand what arseholes some people can be.

DS2 went to party at a local sports centre yesterday. The little boy whose party it was was there on time with his mum and dad waiting for the lot from before to leave (they hadn't even set the table up yet). They were half an hour over time and still standing there chatting.

Arseholes.

ContainsWildPerilousLuurve · 09/02/2009 16:11

And believe me they weren't middle class .

Katiestar · 09/02/2009 16:13

maybe they were just in a world of their own and oblivious to the struggle going on ?

Original poster
scampadoodle · 09/02/2009 18:52

Cat, I'd already admitted I was hesitant about saying they were middle class! FWIW I get really fed up with anti-MC rants as though we're all braying 4x4 drivers with second homes in Padstow.

So, round the back in five minutes?

OP posts:
Nightcrawly · 09/02/2009 19:16

YABU, the woman should have just asked them politely to move. I'm not sure it classes as self-centred behaviour, rather just a lack of awareness of what is going on around you.

catinthehat1 · 09/02/2009 19:44
MadamDeathstare · 09/02/2009 19:54

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catinthehat1 · 09/02/2009 19:58

MadamD help yourself to my baseball bat, or I think you've got a pitchfork somewhere.

MadamDeathstare · 09/02/2009 20:01

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alambil · 09/02/2009 20:48

Did the woman with loads of stuff say "excuse me?"

I wouldn't have moved either - if she's not polite enough to say excuse me, I ain't polite enough to move!

Simple manners, but works both ways.

Original poster
scampadoodle · 09/02/2009 22:14

Yes I suppose the woman being served should have said 'excuse me' but as the in-the-way woman was looking right at her the whole time - watching the transaction - maybe she just thought she'd be passive-aggressive about it instead!

The thing is, I too, MadamDeathstare, am middle-class & considerate; the latter to the point of complete personal abasement sometimes, so I just get cross when some people ( not limited to the middle classes, I give in, don't beat me up!) don't display the same levels of politeness. My problem I suppose...

OP posts:
herbietea · 09/02/2009 22:23

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MadamDeathstare · 10/02/2009 00:46

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ThumbLoveWitch · 10/02/2009 00:54

Oh I would have moved, if it had been my family standing in the way I would have moved them; regardless. I hate to inconvenience anyone and expect the same courtesy from them.

I can add my own irritant here - people at checkout queues who don't move forward to allow you to start loading your stuff onto the conveyor belt, even though there is space - and who don't put the spacer there for you, thus obliging you to either wait until you can reach it yourself, or walk round them to fetch it.

In my local supermarket, the people who are guilty of the above are most definitely NOT MC (although I might be ).

I was under the general impression that an MC trait was to have good manners? In which case the behaviour described by the OP doesn't fit with the MC model.

Original poster
scampadoodle · 10/02/2009 12:45

Thumblovewitch: I'm with you there re checkout queues!

OP posts:
onepieceofbrusselssprout · 10/02/2009 12:50

herbietea what did that mother say?

Some people are just oblivious, regardless of class. I mean, why block an entire supermarket aisle with 2 trolleys having a long chat? Either because you are self absorbed, selfish, or don't really care.

Imo it's the same reasons as the person mentioned by the op.

Yes, one can say "excuse me", but why does the woman need to block the way in the first place?