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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be cross that dh isn't coming on holiday?

14 replies

petitmaman · 09/02/2009 13:15

Will try to be as brief as possible.
End of last year my parents asked if we would like to go on holiday with them this year. they would pay and we get a foreign holiday and help with children. We discusse dit and said yes.
At thhis point I said to DH if you don't want to go on holiday with in laws (who he gets on fine with) then I would still take dcs but everyone would understand and no one would mind but he said he did want to go and dates etc were discussed.
then in jan he casually mentioned that he would be going on a boys holiday to devon for a week too. fine.
then last week he said that we had been invited to go on holiday with friends (more his than mine) i said no at first as we had done his before with same people and i had ended up doing all cooking childcare etc. then i felt guilty and so said yes as long as same thing did not happen again.
I spent alot of time last week looking at villas for family holiday (with my parents) which he knew. he also knew my dad was about to book it.
Turned around this am and said "been thinking about these 3 holidays. it is too much time off work (within about 6 weeks), what would you do?" knew what he wanted me to say but i wasn't going to so said that it was up to him (in stropppy voice and the flounced off). He then says "well if your dad hasn't booked holiday tell him not to book my flight".
I am really cross as he left it till last minute to say anything and it feels like he is chosing boys holiday over spending time with dc. AIBU?
(sorry for the rant)

OP posts:

Buda · 09/02/2009 13:24

YANBU. One boys/friends holiday is fine but two is just greedy!

I would be a bit at the week in Devon too tbh. A long weekend away - fine but a week is a long time.

bradsmissus · 09/02/2009 13:24

YANBU - that's it really. I would be peeved.

anniemac · 09/02/2009 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

compo · 09/02/2009 13:27

so you are having 2 family holidays - one with your parents and one with friends, all in the space of 6 weeks?
I'd cancel the one with the friends tbh

Original poster

petitmaman · 09/02/2009 13:27

think "week" is just mon to fri actually. and 2nd holiday with friends is with me and dc too....
perhaps i should say that if he was worried about time off he should do boys hol over a weekend? althought he would say he couldn't afford it then

OP posts:

unavailable · 09/02/2009 13:29

YANBU. He is behaving like a spoilt child. (I suspect he know this, hence the flounce!)

Original poster

petitmaman · 09/02/2009 13:29

I don't really mind hi not coming. It is just that I feel he is not coming because he would rather do boys one . and yes, i feel out of all of them we should ALL not go on the one that was only mentioned last week, we have to pay for ad i am not sure about anyway. But i would never dream of saying i wasnt going at last minute (or packing him off with dc) but that is him all over really

OP posts:

unavailable · 09/02/2009 13:38

Oh, I hadnt though of that one. Why dont you suggest he goes with the children for the holiday with friends and you take the kids on the one with your parents? You are at no risk of being used as a skivvy, and have a nice relaxing week at home. You each get to drop the holiday you least want to go on.

If you suggest this he may backtrack fairly quickly.

Original poster

petitmaman · 09/02/2009 13:57

sounds a plan but the difference is. i wouldn't trust him to look after them very well, they would be fine but he wouldn't put them 1st if you see what i mean and i don't WANT to be a week with out dcs

OP posts:

Tclanger · 09/02/2009 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 09/02/2009 15:20

Kind of depends doesn't it. Are the children now expecting him to come and will they be disappointed now to find out he isn't? If the answer is yes, then you should tell him he is coming as he said he would and he can choose which of the other 2 holidays he wants to cancel. (As you said, both lots are really his friends - let him sort that out and cancel who he has to!) If the answer is no then it's no different than if he'd said no in the beginning is it? Except that maybe you are now disappointed he isn't coming and if you are, then tell him that

I would personally find it very akward to tell my parents he didn't want to come on holiday with me, the kids and them, but he was having 2 holidays with friends - but that's just me! I think it's rude to drop your parents holiday at this stage, but if you and they don't find it rude then that's great

I think it's great he can go on holiday with the boys, it's nice to still have a little bit of space to call your own I hope you take the time to do things too

ChippingIn · 09/02/2009 15:22

Sorry that's all a bit confusing and full of having more help than I need from the LO (22 mths) so it's hard to think straight!!

warthog · 09/02/2009 15:23

cancel the latest hols ie. the one with friends.

your parent's one was being organized first so that must stay. he's picking and choosing, and it's not ok to miss the family one.

2pt4kids · 09/02/2009 15:36

Its a shame that when he said 'all these holidays is a bit much, what shall I do?' you didnt immediately say 'well, can you get out of either of your holidays with friends? Its a bit late to cancel the one with my family without looking really rude'

What did you say to him when he said about telling your Dad not to book his flights?

I'd either say to him that you dont feel you ought to tell your Dad he's not coming at such short notice and he needs to sort something else out with the one of the other holidays especially seeing as one of them was only suggested last week!

that he can cancel his place on your family holiday and you'll go with the kids on your own as long as he takes the kids with him on his friends holiday while you have a break at home.
If you say things like 'he wont look after the kids like I do' etc then you are enabling him to get away with never having t take responsibility for them!
It would be good for hi AND for the children to spend a bit of time together I suspect.

Hope you get it sorted.

Flip