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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go to my sister's hen night?

11 replies

Monkeygi · 09/02/2009 12:04

It's my sister's 2nd wedding in May, which she's having in Cyprus. I persuaded my husband to shell out £600 to go for 3 days for the wedding, with the promise that, other than the wedding itself, we would spend the time together having a little break in the sun. I've already been persuaded to go to their hotel the night before for drinks, now she wants me to go in the morning (to help get her ready? Or look after her kids?Dunno.)Incidentally, we'll be the only 2 on her side going as the rest of my family can't afford it/ too old to make the trip. Now she tells me that a friend of her future MIL has already arranged the hen night in a town a couple of hundred miles away and the idea is that we'll 'crash' at this woman's house overnight. There are a couple of issues for me here- one, I am a 'troubled sleeper' and dread staying in a strange bed where I'll have difficulty sleeping, especially after a heavy night out. Two, I don't have anything in common with these people apart from my sister, which adds to my concerns re 1. Lastly, I feel a bit miffed that, having paid out for the trip abroad, I'm also now epected to pay out for this trip (petrol etc.) Am I being really horrible?

OP posts:
HolyGuacamole · 09/02/2009 12:16

YANBU.

You are already forking out to go all the way to Cyprus. I think she is asking too much.

ANamesANameForAThatsTaken · 09/02/2009 12:24

YANBU -

The only hen nights I'll go on are for a drink and a curry in town. Asking people to fork out hundreds of pounds is greedy.

peachface · 09/02/2009 12:28

YANBU - it's enough to have such an expensive trip for the wedding itself but to then expect that sort of money to be shelled out for the hen party is too much. And is she then expecting wedding presents too??!
Maybe arrange something with her and some of your other mutual friends locally to you if you'd like to do something and then it avoids her feeling you're not participating and avoids you having to explain why.
That's what me and my sister are doing for our sis - we're not able to go to her overseas hen weekend so we're doing something within our budgets which will be great fun and help to "send her off" without feeling like we're abandoning our own sis! Good luck!

immediately · 09/02/2009 12:29

Oh, I don't know.
This is why I hate these type of weddings, I feel obliged becuse it's family, but at the same time I think 'I could really be doing without this.'
My friend had her birthday in the South of France and I agreed to go. What a bloody nightmare, it cost me a fortune for hotel, flight etc. Never again.
Sorry I can't give you answer

Baconsarnie · 09/02/2009 13:15

YADNBU. Just tell her that you want to spend at least some of your time away with your DH. She sounds a bit bridezilla. But she might just be thinking "I'd better organise stuff to make it worth their their while coming".

Wizzska · 09/02/2009 13:31

YANBU, if you try to explain your situation to her, will she get the hump? She must understand that you are at least able go to the wedding, unlike other family members who can't afford it, so it is entirely reasonable that you also have a limited budget. After all, money may be no object for your own wedding, but for guests it is just another wedding.

I hate this kind of wedding, so expensive for everyone and not to mention if you have limited annual holiday leave. They're a form oof emotional blackmail if you ask me.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2009 13:43

are you close to your sister?

just say to her that you cant afford to go away for her hen do and stay the night etc

but you would like to go out for a drink locally maybe the 2 of you, or with other members of your family who cant make the wedding

Original poster
Monkeygi · 09/02/2009 15:24

I hate this kind of wedding too. It always seems unfair to expect guests to fork out such vast sums. TBH it's not so much the cost of the hen night, I can do that, but I didn't expect her to do that for either of my weddings and I just feel that I don't want to spend more doing something I don't want to do anyway! The worst thing is she knows I can afford to do the hen night so I can't use that as a reason, but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. She's not Bridezilla about it all, but she has always been rather casual with her approach to money whereas I (and my husband) take it a bit more seriously. It's the whole thing of staying in a strange person's house, not feeling comfortable with the other 'hens' etc then not being able to leave at the end of the night and heave a sigh of relief to be home. Lord I sound like a misery guts don't I!?

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkeygi · 09/02/2009 15:24

I hate this kind of wedding too. It always seems unfair to expect guests to fork out such vast sums. TBH it's not so much the cost of the hen night, I can do that, but I didn't expect her to do that for either of my weddings and I just feel that I don't want to spend more doing something I don't want to do anyway! The worst thing is she knows I can afford to do the hen night so I can't use that as a reason, but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. She's not Bridezilla about it all, but she has always been rather casual with her approach to money whereas I (and my husband) take it a bit more seriously. It's the whole thing of staying in a strange person's house, not feeling comfortable with the other 'hens' etc then not being able to leave at the end of the night and heave a sigh of relief to be home. Lord I sound like a misery guts don't I!?

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkeygi · 09/02/2009 15:25

Oops! How'd that happen?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2009 15:30

then just say ( as she isnt bridezilla) that you arent comfortable in going away and staying at someones house that you dont know

and suggest doing a local one/meal/drinks with her

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