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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not speak to our next door neighbour...?

16 replies

josben · 09/02/2009 09:59

We've had quite a few runs ins with our neighbour, we have a semi detached house - all mainly last year about the noise our DC's were making in the garden whilst playing on the trampoline and also playing football in the garden - my DS's did a very small bit of dammage to the neighbours fence - accidently. I apologised profusely about that incident but it all ended up in an almighty row. They are in their forties (although they act like they are 70 odd) with one son in his late teens - who rarely leaves the house and as far as i can see has no friends that call for him.

They have also complained about noise when we have had some friends round for a Bar B Q party... To me they are sooo miserable and just like having a row... Which I hate - but I feel totally exhausted by the whole situation and now refuse to speak to them or acknowledge them in the street.

I now urge the Dc's to be quiet in the house and in the garden.

I hate confrontation and so this doesn't sit easy with me to be like this but i'm so p*ed off with the way they have been towards us. They have sent us a christmas card and DH sent one back - which I didn't want to do. Basically - I am being unresonable to ignore our neighbours?

OP posts:

StayFrosty · 09/02/2009 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purpleduck · 09/02/2009 10:08

How late was the bbq? And I would pay for the fence to be mended.

choosyfloosy · 09/02/2009 10:10

I sympathise hugely as we are in a standoff with our neighbours at the moment - but please please do try to bend over backwards - well not literally - just start acknowledging them again.

Original poster

josben · 09/02/2009 10:10

wow - thats too the point! I do get where you are coming from - Maybe I am allowing my personal feelings about them into the situation too much...?

OP posts:

stickybeaker · 09/02/2009 10:11

I think it's a shame when people complain about noise that children make as they're just doing what children do.

However, you aplogised profusely for the broken fence but presumably you didn't offer to pay for or mend it?

Don't forget that neighbourly disputes have to be documented when selling the house so it's not worth it imho.

madwomanintheattic · 09/02/2009 10:11

yep. unless you're moving or they are then it would probably be wise to work out a way to get on.
the kid's playing stuff is daft, but maybe if you were having a bbq and it was likely to be late/ noisy, a knock on the door (or even an invite lol) in advance might have helped?

maybe the ds has sn and is noise-sensitive? either way if he is an only child they just won't be used to a herd of rowdy kids (i've got 3 but it sounds like 20 - fortunately my neighbours laugh when they hear me hollering at them or them screeching at each other - but they have elderly parents that come and turn the tv vol up to 30, so it works both ways).

maybe a smile instead of ignoring them would be a good start? you don't have to be best buddies, but if you are staying there, then it makes sense to learn to put up with each other's little foibles - the last thing you want is them getting the council round on noise-abatement, or ringing social services lol (not that either is necessary, but neighbours can be weird lol). it'll make life easier for you not to be eaten up this stand-off...

hope you can work out a way to co-exist...

Original poster

josben · 09/02/2009 10:12

Thanks for your messages - it does help to get other perpectives about the situation - especially when it all feels so horrible at the moment...

OP posts:

Original poster

josben · 09/02/2009 10:13

We did offer to pay to repair the fence - but the neighbour husband did it to try and build a bridge between us! God i'm feeling a bit bad now...!

OP posts:

GrinnyPig · 09/02/2009 10:18

If your DSs managed to break the fence then I think their behaviour is probably over the top. I know lots of people will reply to this and say but they are only children doing what children do, but I think your neighbours deserve to be able to relax in their own home.

I am a bit speechless about your description of their son. Do you stand at the window a lot looking out for visitors to their house?

YABU

stickybeaker · 09/02/2009 10:23

If he repaired the fence then I'd have bought him a bottle of Whiskey of something.

I think you need to think about what kind of neighbour you are.

Original poster

josben · 09/02/2009 10:25

One time I had the husband, wife and son all at my door - yelling at me for the the fact that my kids were playing in my garden having fun - but were just making a normal amount of noise that kids do. I brought up the fact that their son used come home from school and blare his music out in his room - when his mum was at work - he went ballistic at me . They are not nice people and so I admit that IABU about the son - but the way that they have spoken to me and treated me in the past (when my DH was not at home) and I am ar home with my 3 DC;s was totally wrong...

Sorry I don;t want to get defnsive about this...

OP posts:

immediately · 09/02/2009 10:46

There is always two sides to a story and perhaps your kids are APITA for them. He can't be that bad as he mended the fence.

Original poster

josben · 09/02/2009 10:59

I'm sure that my DC's are APINA for them - but they do not make anymore noise than any other kids under 7, i do try hard not to p*ss them off - even trying to keep my DC's playing in our kitchen/diner extension as most of that is detached from their house...

Our neighbours like a bit of confrontation and enjoy coming round to me and having a go at us... One morning the man neighbour came round banging at our door at 6.50 am accusing us of parking a white van across his drive - we do not even have a white van - it seems that if theres any sort of disturbance they come knocking at our door attacking us... And unfortunately i find it hard to forget the nasty way they've been towards me...

OP posts:

Original poster

josben · 09/02/2009 11:02

Sorry - APITA

OP posts:

immediately · 09/02/2009 12:36

Yes, I see what you mean. I would probably find it hard to be pleasent if my family were always being treated like villains, it would possibly make me turn, so I guess YANBU.

Ashantai · 09/02/2009 19:36

Do try to get on with them for your sake and dont let it get to the point where you have to involve the police like we had to

Maybe going round and offering an olive branch like a bottle of wine/bunch of flowers could smooth things over.

Have they always been like this or is it recently that they started behaving like dicks?

We were on good terms with our neighbours till new ones moved in who had kids with similar ages to mine, their mum was 6 days older than me and we started to hang out with them.

Our original neighbours picked a fight with the new ones and when i was called upon to try to make the peace, it ended up with the original neighbours going psycho at me for interfering. They were clearly feeling left out but always declined our offers to include them so in the end we stopped asking.

Cue a whole year of harrasment till they finally left, with us practically getting the flags out!!

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