to be hurt by sister and SIL?

[jessikart]

Long history here, I won't go into it just yet!

When pregnant with DD, SIL saw me every single day, but made no reference to it. My own brother saw me every single day (we all work together) also saw me every single day and asked me TWICE how I was. On the day my daughter was born, DP phoned SIL to say that all was well and she said 'Ok - jessikart can have the boys then, when you get back from the hospital this afternnon' (DS and my nephew being the boys).

Frankly, they treated me like shit when I was pregnant - they made no concessions towards us, even though I had SPD that crippled me, and the fact that SIL never once asked me how I was just infuriates me. I was told (when DD was ten days old) that I was 'selfish' (for having another child), 'incompetent' (at my job and at looking after children) and 'useless'. I'd already been diagnosed with PND, and was then also told by my brother that I was 'pathetic' for relying on my partner.

Phewww....

Anyway...now my sister's pregnant. I'm delighted for her - it's all she's ever wanted. She also behaved like a psycho bitch towards me both times that I was pregnant, but she's my sister and I understand that she was hurting. But now....my SIL has been ringing my sister in tears saying 'I'm so happy for you!'

So is it just me? Am I such a horrible person that people hate the idea of me being pregnant? I feel like shit, frankly - it was bad enough being treated so horribly by them when I was pregnant, but now it's almost as though they're rubbing my nose in it!

You have a lovely family, don't you?
Where are you in relation to your bro and sis - older, younger or in between?

I am for you that they are such a cliquey lot and that you don't seem to fit into their miserable little clique. F*ck'em. I know they are your family but they aren't treating you with any respect or consideration, so I wouldn't get too excited on their behalf either. And your SIL sounds like she only wants to be friends with your sis.

Dump the lot of them if you can - why put up with this sort of crap? What does your DP say?

Oh TLW! Thank you thank you thank you! I just want to walk away from the lot of them TBH - especially SIL

DP is lovely and sweet - he hates them all too, but keeps advising me to hold back - I think he'd be happy to just cut them out of our lives forever, but also wants to avoid me getting more 'low' than I already am.

Going offline now as DD is fussing (and will no doubt wake up any moment!)

jessicart I don't think it'd be a bad idea to cut them outta your life or at the very least minimise contact. You say you are low but I wonder if they are actually making things worse
I had a SIL who was the same...selfish, nasty,etc...and the best thing I did was decide that I would'nt have contact. I know it's hard if all your feelings are upside down after having a baby but this is the time when you need the most support. Rise above their nastiness and tell em to feck themselves you'll be surprised how much better you feel. GOOD LUCK.

Yes be gentle on yourself.
Don't make any effort to contact them, don't offer any babysitting only accept help for your dcs to go to them, once they see how much your help and input is being missed they may come back but don't hold your breath. People like this are always in the right so whatever you do is in the wrong so please please yourself you will be doing whats right for you and yours so make yourself a happy person and your family will follow and be happy for you and with you.
Also be generous by asking after your sister and sympathising so when the time comes she will actually realise what you have been through.

They sound like nice folk .
Agree with other posters, don't have a big barney with them, that will do you no favours especially as you are so fragile ATM. Just distance yourself and make yourself and your immediate family happy, your DP sounds like he will support you.

I agree. Send a card and leave it at that. They sound horrible and I think you'll be better off without them at the mo. Personally I'd keep an ear to the ground near her due date and send something then too. You don't want to stoop to their level but leave them to eachother.

Good luck.

JessieKart I sympathise so much.i have much the same sort of relationship with my brothers and their wives.To be honest I have just wasted so much emotional energy on it that I am just not going to be involved with them any more.I'll obviosly be civil but that's all

Unfortunately you can only choose your friends!
I agree with the others - step back and concentrate on your children and DP. Will you have to back to work with your brother and SIL? If so perhaps consider looking for another job?

I have had even worse experiences with both my DP's sisters (throwing things at me, telling DSS's that we (DP and I) hate them and don't want them around...I could go on!) and we have now cut them out of our lives. No explanation to them but DP explained to his parents the reason for our non-contact and that is all they are getting. Horrible witches.

So really my only advice is put your own family first and only involve your brother/sister/SIL if they actually enrich your life and make you happy.