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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should we hand a gizmo in to the Police?

76 replies

MannersCostNothing · 08/02/2009 22:13

My DH found a quite high value "thing" yesterday. It is something we would like to keep but my conscience troubles me. DS says we should hand it in to the Police. DH says not to be stupid, we should keep it and tell no-one. DD14 agrees with DH. I asked a friend who is a police officer. He says - FFS - don't hand it in there - they will nick it. I personally think I would be gutted if I had lost this and I would hope someone would return it. But how?

OP posts:
pinkyp · 08/02/2009 23:48

are you going to hand it in at the police station? is there any where near the place you found it you could put a little notice up with a contact number? even if its a lamp post or something? they'd def go back to where it was lost. Although they;d prob do it straight away.

Original poster
MannersCostNothing · 08/02/2009 23:50

BIWI - sorry, but I could say that I am an anything on here - I could be a banker, a shopkeeper, a teacher, or..... even.... a Police Officer. IYSWIM? Just 'cos someone says that are an XYZ, it doesn't have to mean they are one. I am not saying that "whoever" is not a Police Officer, just that they just might not be.

OP posts:
pinkyp · 08/02/2009 23:53

great another thread turns into an argument....

twinsetandpearls · 08/02/2009 23:54

Please hand it in, when dd was a baby and we did not have two pennies to rub together I dropped a bag that had money I had saved for my Christmas shopping. It was handed in to the police station within a few hours and meant that dd and I had a Christmas.

Original poster
MannersCostNothing · 08/02/2009 23:55

IYHO?, BIWI, there is nothing humble about your opinion. BIWI - I may have been rude to you and one other poster, 'cos you were quite rude to me. I don't think I have been rude to anyone else. I may of corse, be wrong. If so, I am sure you will advise me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MannersCostNothing · 09/02/2009 00:00

pinkyp and twinset - sorry - I have already agreed with Leo9 about handing it in. I don't want an argument, but I have been called a thief and a scumbag so far. Have to batten down the hatches and await further insults.

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 09/02/2009 00:02

I was not having a go, I did mean to finish by saying I would not have thought of looking in the paper or freecycle for someone advertising my lost bag. But got distracted by dp snoring.

Original poster
MannersCostNothing · 09/02/2009 00:12

No twinset, I didn't think you were having a go at all. LOL at the snoring. It has been a hard road, but I think I have it sorted now, regardless of what DH and DD say. DS is right and we should make every effort to return it to its owner. I knew this was the right thing to do all along deep down. Maybe it was buried a bit deeper than I would have liked. Thanks to all the Mumsnetters for sharing their views.

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 09/02/2009 00:16

I wasn't meaning or trying to be rude, although you obviously interpreted it that way.

pinkyp · 09/02/2009 00:16

to be a thief you would of have to of stolen it. From what u said you found it - sounds like who ever called u a thief could poss be jealous of ur find?

hope the owner gets it back and gives u a little something too

Monty100 · 09/02/2009 00:18

Hand it in.

What is a gizmo anyway?

Original poster
MannersCostNothing · 09/02/2009 00:28

monty27 - for our purposes it's just a "thing" - it doesn't matter what it is.
pinkyp - I am sure that no-one is jealous of what I found - OMG it sounds like something really valuable - it's not - it has some value but not enough to cause jealousy. Yes, it was just "found". But "theft" is a hard one to define - it is "the dishonest appropriation of property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it" Theft Act 1968 (as amended) (Now you'll all think that I am a Police Officer, but I'm not.
This probably just complicates something that was, I think, sorted.

OP posts:
Monty100 · 09/02/2009 00:37

Feel like I had my head bitten off then.

Anyways, so just hand it in.

End of.

SOLOveMeTenderLoveMeDo · 09/02/2009 00:46

My mum once found a diamond egagement ring in a supermarket freezer. She didn't trust the supermarket so handed it in at the police station nearby. They do give a receipt and take your details down. Mum was contacted some time later and became the owner of said ring.

Handing in a valuable item is the right thing to do. Imagine if you lost a valuable(or even a no value but sentimental value)item. You'd want it back surely? you'd have to rely on the finders honesty too...

SOLOveMeTenderLoveMeDo · 09/02/2009 00:48

Might even have been an engagement ring

Original poster
MannersCostNothing · 09/02/2009 00:53

monty - I didn't intend to bite anyone's head off, least of all yours. Sorry if it came out that way. It's been a long night.
BIWI - we may have to agree to differ, but you said you thought I was doing something "immoral/unethical". I had said all along that I wanted to return the "thing" to its owner. I was in conflict with 2 family members who didn't want to do this. I also had a problem with handing it in to the Police as I had been led to believe that here were honesty issues within local Police statons. I don't see how I am the immoral one. You saying I was immoral/unethical did lead me to believe that you wanted to be rude to me. I was rude in return, and if that was unwarranted, I will put my hand in the air and say that was wrong and I am sorry.

OP posts:
zazen · 09/02/2009 00:58

This is a very interesting ethical discussion - bar the uninteresting mudslinging!

Well, let's say that the OP really needed what she found; that it would mean a big difference to her and her family. Certainly her desire to keep it would imply that she will indeed find it of great benefit.

Let's say for instance that she and her family hadn't eaten properly for three days, just a loaf of bread and half a tin of beans for example - let's say they had an unexpected bill earlier on in the week - and they found a voucher for 50 quid for tescos?

Is she being amoral or unethical to want to keep that and not to hand that in?

How about they found a bag of crisps?
A woolly hat?
A lollipop?
A pair of gloves?
A newspaper?
A book?

Where, if anywhere do we draw the line - are we condemning her, as 'amoral' and 'unethical' because she has desire to keep the object she sees would be of benefit to her - or do we only think it's wrong of her because the value of the object is 'great' in our minds - we do not know after all what the gizmo is.

Karma works many ways - to find an object is as karmically linked as to lose an object.
Neither have to be negative or positive - both loss and gain can be neutral.

OP you have to decide if the benefit is greater to you to keep the object, knowing that someone who might have noticed it missing is going without it, or to leave the object in a place where, if the person who lost it notices it's missing will know where to find it.

Personally, and speaking from my life, I would hand it in to the police, knowing that there is a procedure in operation where you may see it 'returned' to you.
Without that certainty ( and going on the advice from your RL police friend) I can certainly see why you may be reluctant to let it go into the police system.

Some posters here have posted with (self claimed) expert advice on the workings of the lost and found system, and if you are in any doubt of whether you can trust your police, I suppose you can always ask at your local station what their policy is, before you commit to the proceedure.

I do hope that things improve for you and your family. I know it's a difficult time for a lot of people, and you must be in a difficult position if this find means so much to you.

I would be loath to pronounce the OP as amoral or unethical if she chooses to keep the gizmo - these alienating black and white judgments are not useful terms in a discussion about morals or ethics, and they don't help our OP!

And these harsh judgment words such as these labels, are karmically very bad for everyone, especially those who say them!

Monty100 · 09/02/2009 01:04

MCN - no worries. I think you know the right way to go and that's great.

Nite.

Original poster
MannersCostNothing · 09/02/2009 01:18

zazen - you raise a number of interesting points, but I must go back to my original post - I personally wish to return the item, regardless of its worth, as does my DS. My DH and DD think "we" should keep it. Their view is, I think, influenced by value. The happenstance of finding this thing had divided my family, and I don't much like it. I wanted to know how it might best be returned. Most folks think the Police Station is the best way, despite my misgivings. The Police Officer who told me not to trust them has not had a happy career, so I suppose I should factor that in to the decision. I also feel that I am the one who has to make the decision, although I was not the finder.

OP posts:
nooka · 09/02/2009 01:50

MCN I didn't say you were a thief btw, just that if you (or your family) kept the "gizmo" that would IMO be similar to an act of theft. It wasn't clear from your OP that you were so uncomfortable with your dh's point of view, and I think if you had originally said that you would have got sympathy rather than what you clearly see as a hard time. I guess most of us just thought your dilemma was something that didn't require any thought, because the right thing to do was obvious (to us). I do think it worrying that you think the police are so corrupt, but even more so that your friend was so disillusioned. I don't think you needed to be so defensive. This is AIBU after all.

Devendra · 09/02/2009 06:00

Keep it!

BecauseImWorthIt · 09/02/2009 10:19

I said what you were considering was immoral/unethical, not that you were.

But I don't want to invite bad karma so I too will leave it.

And I really wasn't trying to be rude!

xfabba · 09/02/2009 10:25

i cant be bothered reading all the toing and froing and insulting but if it helps your decision at all I know for a fact that my local police station give you receipts for found items handed in and you are supposed to be able to check at any time whether anyone has come forward. I find it hard to believe a police officer could pocket it if he/she had issued a receipt and you keep phoning up about it - maybe tell them you are going to keep an eye on progress. If I lost something of high value the nearest police station would be the first place I'd go after where I lost it so I think that is the best chance of getting it back to its owner if that is what you want to do.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 09/02/2009 16:38

I think that it is important to consider the message that keeping it gives your children.

Plus, if they ever nick something, you are on dodgy ground if you try to tell them it's wrong.

How can a parent hope to teach their children the importance of honesty if they don't demonstrate it?

You have to hand it in.

dilemma456 · 09/02/2009 17:29

Message withdrawn

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