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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this a bit inappropriate, bearing in mind DS is 10

61 replies

stoppinattwo · 08/02/2009 10:27

he has an email address which he has obviously given out in school to his mates.

One of the girls has emailed him with rather a forward email, which he was a bit embarrassed about, I have told him to be polite about it and just pay no attantion to it but I think if I was this girls mother I would want to know she was sending such emails.

I have checked with DS and she doesnt have any older brothers or sisters who could have sent it as a joke. I would be shocked if DD is sending stuff like this out at 9/10

maybe Im just a bit stuffy, but I dont think so.

OP posts:
lilymolly · 08/02/2009 10:32

what does the email say?

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 08/02/2009 10:36

sorry, I dont know why I didnt actually put that down, it might help

hello fitty this is y i like you
? 1 YOUR fit
? 2 YOUR the best
? 3 loads of girls lyk YOU
? 4 YOU have the best body
? 5 I JUST LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!XxxXxxX AND THATS MY SPECIAL KISS 4 YOUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!XxxX

OP posts:
cory · 08/02/2009 10:46

Sounds very normal and innocent to me. Not sexually explicit or anything like that. Not suggesting secret assignments.

The only person whose behaviour I'd be worried about is your ds if he is handing out his email address indiscriminately.

A 9/10 girl will in all likelihood be hitting puberty and with it thoughts of first love. As long as she is not sending messages to older men, or actually suggesting sexual acts, I don't think there is anything to worry about. Your ds's job is to blush and pay not attention.

It is normal for children of this age to start "going out" and thinking of each other as boyfriends and girlfriends. It doesn't mean they actually do anything: it's just an early rehearsal. When dd was 11 she came home and told me a boy in her class had asked her to be his girlfriend. -And are you going to, I asked. -Well, it's not terribly flattering because I know I was the fourth girl he asked that day.

I do not expect dd to lose her virginity for quite a while yet.

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 08/02/2009 10:52

He hasnt been handing it out indiscriminately, I just thought that an email address it better than him having a mobile, and I can keep track of what is said and ensure that he isnt talking to just anyone. He check that it is ok to hand it out in school, he has a close group of mates and they dont all live nearby so they talk online rather than use up my phone bill

I see where you are coming from Cory and you have the advantage of having a DD who is at that age now. ..thankyou for your wise words

Oh I dread this "going out" ....where did the time go??

OP posts:
Coldtits · 08/02/2009 10:54

It's harmless. Just prepubescent silliness, just the sort of thing I used to do, in fact!

ANamesANameForAThatsTaken · 08/02/2009 10:57

i also have a 10 year old and I would be shocked if she sent out an e-mail like that. However, I'd be very surprised if she sent that without anyone else goading her on.

francagoestohollywood · 08/02/2009 11:04

I'm with coldtits, it's the same pre pubescent silly thing I used to write too. Though I would have NEVER had the courage to actually send it! (and actually I was devoted to John Travolta rather than a RL person )

DontSwimInTheLiffey · 08/02/2009 11:09

I agree with Cory. The email makes no mention of her intention to KISS him, or more, she's just noticing him, really.

I agree, as his mother, a bit ing but she's not saying let's get together? is she?

I remember at 10, people used ot go out with eachother, but it was innocent. It was like a recognition,you're attractive to me. and that was it!

DontSwimInTheLiffey · 08/02/2009 11:10

YesANamesAName, I wouldn't want my ten yr old dd to send a mail like that.

IF she liked a boy and confided in me, I would suggest to her that she sent a chatty email to him. I would want her to realise that you it is embarrassing and sometimes inappropriate to tell somebody that you see them in such a way!

TsarChasm · 08/02/2009 11:11

My dd is 10. Sorry but I wouldn't be happy for her to send something out like that (she wouldn't) or to receive it.

But I know some of her friends are very boy orientated already. One friend in particulars mother finds it all a hoot, so I guess it just depends on how you view the world.

ScummyMummy · 08/02/2009 11:17

Can imagine ds is mortified but secretly pleased! Sounds pretty harmless to me really. V silly but nothing major to worry about.

cory · 08/02/2009 11:49

My dd is not sending these emails or indeed taking any notice of the boys in her class, but that is simply because she finds them babyish. Her year is the first co-ed intake, so boyfriend material is scarce for anyone who prefers the more mature male.

I was certainly in love by the time I was 11. But for most 10yo girls it's probably more a status thing, egging each other on, a bit of a joke. About social status within the girl group as much as about actual hormones.

janeite · 08/02/2009 11:53

I don't think it's harmless, for the simple fact that it indicates that young children (not the Op's)are being allowed to use the internet/email unsupervised and I think that is a real concern tbh.

TsarChasm · 08/02/2009 11:56

Yes, I agree with janeite - that's another aspect too.

Eve4Walle · 08/02/2009 11:58

I agree with Janeite. That was my initial thought too.

But I have to admit that at 10, I certainly wasn't thinking of boys in that manner, and I'd not be at all happy for my DD to be sending messages like that to boys in her class (when she gets old enough obv).

I know 10 year olds are very different now to the way we were at 10, but I still think it's a bit much.

TrinityRhino · 08/02/2009 12:00

sounds silly and normal to me

you seem to think its terrible though which is a little worrying

UnquietDad · 08/02/2009 12:01

You're right, it's dreadful. I'd be shocked if I were her parent. Why does this girl not know how to use the contracted second person of the verb "to be" correctly?!

janeite · 08/02/2009 12:01

Yes - I agree with the view that ten is way too young for things like this; I find it a bit "icky" tbh.

TrinityRhino · 08/02/2009 12:03

actuslly true janeite
if she had written it herself and given it to him in the playground (actually she probably wouldn't have, email being so easy to hide behind)

the fact your 10 year old has an email and freely gives it out

and this girl has free access to email and sending whatever, whenever

THat is the worrying part of this
not the silly content

cory · 08/02/2009 12:09

I was seriously really in love by the time I was 11. Crying myself to sleep over an older teenager who would certainly never have looked at me twice (in fact, I can still feel my heart beating a little more quickly at the thought- he was so handsome). Not at all unusual even in those days. I had my first period about this time too. And I was certainly feeling giggly about boys by age 10 (oooh, just remembered another handsome one).

On the other hand, it seems clear to me that most of the banter going on at dd's school is a lot more childish and far less serious than my first falling in love. And that seems to be the case with the OPs ds's email too. Almost certainly a couple of silly girls giggling in a corner of the playground.

Anyway, giggling about boys at 10 is no indication that you are going to get into any sort of trouble. I was still a virgin when I met dh, and I found time for several more valuable hobbies during my teen years. A little silliness does no harm.

UnquietDad · 08/02/2009 12:11

I'd be tempted to send the email back with the "YOUR" underlined in red.

cory · 08/02/2009 12:12

Have just conferred with my own bona fide pre-teen, dd aged 12, first-hand experience of life as it is actually lived in today's schools. And she confirms my own hunch about this:

it is about having somebody to giggle about with your friends

it's most likely a joke

it's a social thing- you have a crush on someone because everybody else does

it's to have something to write about in your diary

when you go out with somebody, it's about saying 'I'm going out with so-and-so'

you don't actually want to get too close to them

ruddynorah · 08/02/2009 12:13

it's fine. before emails it would have been a cheeky note in the playground..also unsupervised.

Coldtits · 08/02/2009 12:14

I had periods by 11 and was by no means the first, surely by the point at which your hormones have kicked in enough to make you FERTILE you can be forgiven for having a silly crush on a peer of the opposite sex?

ScummyMummy · 08/02/2009 12:24

Do agree with janeite re lack of supervision, actually. This seems innocent enough to me but there are more potentially dangerous scenarios to be found on the internet, perhaps especially for innocent yet silly 10 year olds.

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