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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Close to tears

23 replies

67Impala · 07/02/2009 07:32

I don't know if AIBU or just anal but I always like to keep the house in some state of cleanliness or at least hygenic. I ALWAYS wash up by the end of the day and leave a tidy kitchen as it starts to smell and I don't want to attract rats to the house.

Last night, my DH cooked for us as one of his friends stayed here overnight. That's fine.

I went to bed earlier as I knew I'd be getting up with the kids this morning but they stayed up till gone 1am. Still fine.

They managed to wake the baby twice with the volume of the TV and when I just came downstairs, the kitchen STINKS, there's piles of washing to be done and beer bottles EVERYWHERE.

I just walked in and felt like crying at the amount of work I have to do BEFORE I can do anything else.

It doesn't happen often but I've just had a really crappy week due to school closures and am exhausted already.

AIBU or just tired and depressed?

OP posts:

stuffitllama · 07/02/2009 07:34

yanbu, put too much chilli in his dinner tonight

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 07/02/2009 07:36

You are tired, you are a little bit anal and a little bit unreasonable because of this!

Is there anyway you can grab what you need from the kitchen quickly, close the door and let him deal with it when he gets up?

geordieminx · 07/02/2009 07:38

You are not being totally unreasonable, but it sounds ike it is more to do with tiredness.

One night wont cause a problem with rats

TBH If I had a mate over I wouldnt usually do the cleaning up til the morning, I'd be tired and such like.

Is there any way you can carry out "damage limitation" - move everything onto one bench for him to sort out later?

More importantly - if you do clean up will he appreciate it? If yes, then do it, he can repay the favour by giving you an hours peace over the weekend - if he expects you to do it and he wont appreciate it - definatley go for damage limitation

NineteenForever · 07/02/2009 07:43

Not unreasonable to feel p*ed off at this- but chaps who stay up late do not do the washing up before bed, do they? I'm sure there are loads of parents feeling tired and low after the school closures, and so this will have put the tin lid on things for you.

Can you move enough to wash a cup and make a cup of tea for yourself? Do that, and then ask him to get up and help for half an hour- then he can go back to bed. From experience, it is probably better not to be angry all day over this.

Littlefish · 07/02/2009 07:44

You've said it doesn't happen very often, so I think you just have to let it go. He wasn't doing it to deliberately upset you. He just didn't think, and was probably a bit tired (and pissed) when he went to bed.

The main thing is, did you both have a lovely evening with your friends?

I agree with everyone and would say to leave at least some of it for when he gets up. Clear up the bits yourself that you really can't bear, then make yourself a nice cup of tea and go and sit down .

spicemonster · 07/02/2009 07:51

I'd leave it all until he gets up to deal with it (perhaps the friend should do it as your DH cooked?)

I think you're probably a bit tired. Get a cup of tea and go and sit down in the living room

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/02/2009 07:55

Fill the sink with soapy water and pile the dishes in there and let them soap until he wakes up to wash them Looks much tidier!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/02/2009 07:56

let them soak I mean

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/02/2009 07:56

and put the washing into the machine and close the door..works every time {smile]

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/02/2009 07:57

I cannot type this morning...I blame the wine drinking tasting I was at last night

Isaidno · 07/02/2009 07:58

I think it's a bit unreasonable to expect anyone, especially a man, to wash up and clean a kitchen at 1am after a load of beer.

Just leave it for him when he gets up.

BoffinMum · 07/02/2009 08:01

I am a domestically anal person, relatively speaking, and I think YAB a bit U. Make a nice cuppa tea and then go out for a bit, and I think possibly the kitchen might be sorted out when you get back.

Original poster

67Impala · 07/02/2009 08:05

I'm having a nice cup of coffe and a jaffa cake. The kids are watching a DVD and once I've finished I'm off to tackle the situation.

Thanks all. You know how it feels when you think you're all alone in the world to deal with everything. It's great that so many of you are there. Cheers...

Feel better for the rant though!

OP posts:

BoffinMum · 07/02/2009 08:09

That's my girl. Not a lot in the world a jaffa cake and a hot drink can't solve.

dilemma456 · 07/02/2009 08:22

Message withdrawn

Stayingsunnygirl · 07/02/2009 08:41

I don't blame you for being upset, Impala. I suspect that those who've said it's a bit unrealistic to expect him to clean up after a beery night with his mate, are right, but it's so disheartening to come down in the morning to find a load of work to do.

I'd suggest to him that he gets up with the baby tomorrow morning, and then brings you breakfast in bed after you've had a nice lie-in.

And if the jaffa cakes stop working, may I offer a Tunnocks teacake and a hot chocolate?

plj · 07/02/2009 08:46

I would be annoyed too, but don't let it spoil your day. Do a bit of the clearing up, but make sure you leave most of it for your DH. You will feel better for doing something, but not mad for doing it all. Enjoy the jaffa cakes, and if Stayingsunnygirl runs out of tea cakes, there's plenty here!

MrsSeanBeanIsEmployable · 07/02/2009 08:48

Aww, it's awful when you come down in the morning to find a complete and utter tip waiting for you.

YA probably B a bit U though, tiredness does this! Make DH clear up. That would be entirely reasonable!

LoveBeingAMummy · 07/02/2009 08:48

To be fair he probably would h\ave made even more noise if he'd tied to do it las tnight. Its not very often as you've said so leave it up to him to sort out.

queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 09:12

One night of leaving the dishes etc won't attract rats and unless you ahve been eating fish, curryetc it won't smell but I like to start the day with a 'ready to go' kitchen too!

As far as waking the baby, I would be cross and DH needs to telling.

BTW Are you making him tidy the kitchen?

Frasersmum123 · 07/02/2009 10:11

YANBU

HeadFairy · 07/02/2009 10:15

If you've cleaned the kitchen up for him you're in line for major spoilage today (or tomorrow morning as stayingsunny suggested) just make sure he realises!

Nekabu · 07/02/2009 10:59

I only know one man who is capable of clearing up as he goes along when cooking. The others (including my dh) seem incapable of cooking without using every pot/pan/utensil in the kitchen and then leaving them scattered like autumn leaves after a particularly hearty gale.

Another thing I have noticed is that men just don't view mess in the same way. You and I would go into our kitchens, Post Male Cooking, and see a bombsite. Our dhs will go into the kitchen and see a work in progress because (and this is the important part to the male brain) they are going to clear up after the meal. The morning still counts as it is after the meal and, to the male brain, is the normal and correct time to be thinking of clearing up the mess made the night before.

Deeeeep breath and go and have a cuppa!

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