I hate them too. The following can be sent to people who really annoy you with this shite -
Dear All
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year?.....
I must send my thanks to whoever it was who sent me the one about cockroach eggs in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have a lot of savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
Or signed across my bank accoutn details to the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split £7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa?s novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains ? just as well really!
I no longer can buy petrol without having to watch and make sure that a serial killer won?t crawl in my back seat when I?m filling up and later grab me from behind whilst drawing a jagged edged blade across my throat.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a male deodorant sample and rob me after using me as a sex toy -
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ? posing as Borat on the other end of the line!
Thanks also, cause now I can?t use anyone?s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to the great advice I?ve been sent, I can?t even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a pervert molester waiting underneath my car waiting to grab me and have his way with me.
If you don?t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour?s ex-mother-in-law?s second husband?s cousin?s beautician.
By the way?.a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don?t bother taking it off now, it?s too late