well?

[yawningmonster]

Sorry all I seem to do on here is moan but if not here then I think I would have gone a bit mad by now. Anyway let me describe my day and then please tell me if you would be feeling a little pissed off.

I got about 4 hours sleep last night between heartburn and severe backache. I finally dozed off upright in the rocking chair when I felt a presence and sure enough there was ds at 3 in the morning. After a bit of negotiation I managed to tuck him up again and go back to sleep in the chair. Again feel the presence and it is 5.30 and ds is rearing to go. The minute I open my eyes "Mummy draw with me"

It takes me 3 hours to then manage to actually get dressed and have breakfast as he is relentless all morning. So then another 2 hours of art activities (you name it he wanted to do it)and I made morning tea which he promptly whinged and whined about. Right thinks me out of house time...cue massive tantrum as I won't get the bl**dy monkey that is inches away from him. He ends up in his room going hell for leather. Anyhow we go to park finally once the storm is over and he wants me to do everything with him from seesaw to climbing frame etc which might have been manageable if I weren't 6mths pregnant.

Got home and dh was back from his hunting trip (is 12.30ish now) He is on rocking chair with laptop so I make lunch and then clear up. DH goes from lunch to garage to deal with the deer he got so I spend the next hour and a half doing more art work with ds. DH then says oh he will give me a break and takes ds to get a movie from the shop, they are gone all of 20 minutes and when they get back Dh promptly goes to sleep on couch.

I proceed to then get on with packing the bags for going away tomorrow, unpacking dh's gear to see what needs a quick wash for going away and getting the dinner on. I wake dh for dinner which he eats and then goes to garage again. I clear up and get ds ready for bed and weather another massive tantrum. Finally get that sorted and ds is at last in bed...it is now 7.15.

So I am a bit pissed off at dh, he admittedly doesn't know what a rotten night I had as I haven't seen him for much more than 5 minutes to tell him but however he does know that
I am 6mths pregnant
I have done at least 1 day on my own every weekend so far this year not to mention during the week
Ds has Aspergers and can be very challenging
I have ME

Do you think that him saying on the phone just now to his mate "Oh yea I came home at lunch time so I could help out so my wife wont mind me doing that next weekend at all"
is justification in me feeling a bit pissed off.

Sorry if this is long was feeling like I needed to implode if I didn't get it down. I now have to approach dh to see what exactly he has planned for next weekend!!

YANBU. If I were closer, I'd come and give you a break. Make sure he knows how you feel!!! Can anybody help you out?

oh thanks turtle. It has been a public holiday today so no help around today but we are going away for a couple of days to the beach tomorrow so hopefully dh will be a little more helpful there.

YABU.

Did you actually tell your husband how you felt, or that you needed a proper break?

Men aren't mind readers, and with the best will in teh world they will never know what it is like to suffer through pregnancy.

1 - TELL yuor husband how you feel and what you need from him
2 - Don't be a slave to your son. You don't have to entertain him all the time. Learn to say no, play on your own for a bit, I am busy, I'll join you later. He needs to learn to occupy himself at times, sort out his own boredom, and that mum does not exist purely to entertain him.

My mum's the same, Caprica.

Worse actually she waits on my dad hand and foot and then moans that she has to do everything, but when he offers to help, she says no, she'd rather do it herself because he doesn't do it right/leaves a mess/it's just easier. Then she moans again that she's tired and why does everything fall to her!

Doesn't want you to help her, but moans that you don't. Drives me crazy! Does stuff around you, clattering and banging and sighing and looking very tired at you, then tells you not to help when you get up to give a hand. Refuses offers given before the clattering too. I think she just WANTS to suffer!

op is not nearly that bad (I think!) but the doing everything instead of delegating really reminded me of my mother!

YANBU - Its sounds exactly like our house!

What Caprica said!

I am obviously a total old harridan but I would never get in this position because if DH was sitting there while I was doing everything, I would say "DH do not sit there while I'm doing everything, can you please do.....x,y,z...."

Sorry - not much help to just say I wouldn't get in this position! But do you see what I mean?! Just don't allow it.

Bloody hell if I were you he would need to make sure his hunting rifle was stashed seburely out of my reach.

You need to tell him that you are knackered and DS is hard work - he isn't a mind reader. And DS will have to learn to play on his own at some point - better now than when the new baby arrives.

When DH is sitting down and I am huffing around him clearing up he gets the message and goes all Little Britain 'Look into my eyes, Look into my eyes' and I tell him he is being a lazy arse and needs to help me.

I agree with what others have said, yanbu but your dh just doesn't seem to understand and won't unless you tell him what you need and how you feel.

Also you need to really ham up the pregnancy symptoms or your DH will think you're fine. Really put some drama into it, they get scared of it - it is wierd woman stuff and it can really act as leverage in my experience.

I agree with Madame C - much as I would like it to be otherwise, my DH os not intuitive about the help I need.

But if I say 'please will you..A,B,C whatever' he will do it. Just would not think of it unless I pointed it out.

I'd love to have a break from all the thinking, but that just seems to be the way it is.

YABU to not make use of the thread title to tell us roughly what this was about.

Sorry you've had a hard day, but it definitely sounds like you need to tell DH what you want from him.

Agree he needs to be told. Men don't ask questions, they presume everything is ok unless you say otherwise. Tell him you had a shit night.

And if you have any venison left over - can I have some please?

Blardy hell, he shot a deer!!!

Not for fun presumably - he is going to eat it isn't he?

I've always wanted to come across fox hunters so that I can smack them one on the nose.

If it helps, my husband is the most brilliant father, he's fantastic; works really hard, cycles miles in all weathers to work to provide what he can for us, comes in, plays with DS, also gives the kisses and cuddles and bathtimes and reads to him etc etc; quite the 21st century dad. Yet he freely admits that in general men are lazy and if they can get away with not doing something, they will.

We've also worked out that if we are both sitting watching a programme, I may be sitting there thinking "ok in a minute I must get that washing out of the machine because I need DS trousers out so that they dry ready for tomorrow as he's going on that school trip tomorrow, and I must put that £1 in for the PTA, oh and I must book the internet shop tonight otherwise it won't arrive in time for Saturday and we need it by then so I can help SIL with food for the Christening. I wonder if DS' reading is really coming on, I am a bit worried, I think I need to make an appointment to talk to the teacher"..........................................while
DH is thinking .......nothing! just actually watching the programme!

They are just different - and they need things spelled out!

Hee hee, Leo9. That describes me and my DH perfectly. My mind is awash with the tasks that need doing every evening, and planning the tasks for tomorrow, and DH just seems oblivious until I ask him to get off his feckin arse and help.