To expect social invites (playdates, dinners. lunches etc) to be reciprocated?

[Metrobaby]

I love having families and children around, so often invite my children's friends for playdates after school, and over weekends have friends and their children over for dinner or lunch.

However some people never seem to invite us or my children back. I don't expect a strict invite per invite back basis, but after I have invited a child (or family) to mine a few times - and had no invites back to theirs - I'm often at a loss what to do. Do I carry on and ignore, or just stop - hoping that they will get the hint.

What is the accepted social etiquette??

I love having families and children around, so often invite my children's friends for playdates after school, and over weekends have friends and their children over for dinner or lunch.

However some people never seem to invite us or my children back. I don't expect a strict invite per invite back basis, but after I have invited a child (or family) to mine a few times - and had no invites back to theirs - I'm often at a loss what to do. Do I carry on and ignore, or just stop - hoping that they will get the hint??

What is the accepted social etiquette??

If you and your child enjoy having guests then I'd carry on inviting them.

If you love having friends and people over to your house, then that is your choice. But you should not expect invites to be reciprocated necessarily - just because people are happy to be in your house, does not mean they are happy to have you in theirs!

Sorry if this is really harsh, but being hospitable should be a gift in itself, not one which comes with the expectation of a return match.

This is like the kids party invites thread the other week

You invite people over to yours because you want to, you enjoy entertaining, you like their company. NOT to get an invite back, though often of course as friendships blossom, this will happen.

You cannot know their reasons - maybe house is embarrasing to them, maybe they can't cook/have no space/have partner problems

keep inviting them anyway if you like them and don't worry unless you feel you are being used as a meal ticket or unpaid babysitter, that's different

There are lots of reasons why they might not be returning the invite, none of which have anything to do with not liking you.

If you enjoy the company keep inviting them, and don't worry about the lack of reciprocation.

some good posts on here. I find it really difficult to have children back after school as i work late and use a childminder. I can not be at the gate to collect DC (or their friends). which i would dearly love to as my dc are still young. Luckily for me both DC have at least 1 friends whose parents do n't mind not being asked back and get the occasional invite. If fact DC1 is going to tea tomorrow. I always make a point of being up front about my situation so that the parent can change their mind if they want and always express verbally my gratitude that they have invited my DC over regardless of not getting an invite back. In the school holidays when i am not working i do try and have their children over even if its only for an hour or so but may have to wait until the summer holidays.

This is a problem for me, lots of lovely mums have invited me and dd around for playdates, i don't reciprocate im afraid. Our house is just not set up to receive other peoples children really. It has stuff everywhere which makes it a bit unchild friendly. I also would find it incredably stressful, and have done whenever people visit. I do feel incredibly guilty as i have had some lovely afternoons and I keep promising to return that favour but never feel that i can.

I think they should be reciprocated as much as poss. I work and have a severely disabled DS (DS2) but if DS1 goes to someone elses house i always try to reciprocate within a couple of weeks (I do try to limit the number of times he goes to a friends so i don't have to reciprocate too much tho).

I don't often reciprocate

But its not because I don't want to, or am ungrateful, or anything. Its because of the state of the house, which I rent from possibly the worst landlady ever. We have no heating, and single glazing in rotting frames so it is freeeeezing and damp with mould. The bathroom is particularly bad. Its also tiny and though I keep it very tidy it is still full and there's not much room. It also frequently smells nasty due to an ongoing issue with a shared sewer leaking into our cellar.

In summer I do have DD's school friends over and throw them in the garden, or take them to the park, but generally I find it awkward having parents I don't know very well here.

My friends and their children are here a lot though, its not that we are antisocial (far from it!). We are moving soon and then I'll be a lot happier to have people round.

we've had leak after leak in our place recently. at the moment most of the bathroom is ripped out and have no bathroom sink (have to wash hands in bath or kitchen sink)

The oven isnt working, the hall is full of bits of wood and tools and tiles

Last year I did lots of entertaining, this year I dont, I will again in the future.

My ILs are very social, love having people round, but recently their toddler is going through a "smearing" phase so they are doing a little less at the mo

Could be all kinds of reasons why people are going through a phase of entertaining less. Hope it doesnt, but your place may flood and you may need all your floor boards ripped up and left up whilst it dries out and you wont be able to have a house full of kids for ages, these things happen! how would you feel if your DC started getting excluded from playdates after a few weeks as a result?