to be a bit peed off with DH

[costagirl]

as have been on my own all weekend with 2 lovely but demanding DS - DH at work 10-6.30pm Sat, then off to hockey 8.15 Sun am, got back 6.30 pm. It's always been like this, but I usually stay sane by having a quick swim and/or coffee by myself early Sunday before he buggers off for the day. Obviously too early this am. So have been entertaining the boys ALL weekend, with loads of strops and arguments, and am knackered. Feel v grumpy and I bet he wants nookie. Have felt really flat and horrible all weekend, it's amazing what a difference that hour of free time makes. AIBU? I know I'm lucky to have 2 lovely DCs, but felt really lonely at the soft play/swimming/cafe with them as everyone else seemed to be with their family.

YANBU at all ... does your dh have to go to hockey every weekend. That doesn't seem fair on you at all, or your ds' come to think of it! When are you meant to have any time to yourself or time as a family?

Pressed the button before I had finished .... my dp works most Saturdays and I get grumpy when, once in a blue moon, he goes off to do something on a Sunday ... so I can only imagine how you must feel if that is your routine every week! Maybe you need to tell him how you feel or book yourself a weekend away!

Why does the hockey take 8 hours?

I am on my own every w/end with 2 small childrenand have been for years as dh works abroad.Not easy!

YANBU. If my DH worked Saturdays, he would be desperately keen to spend the day with DS and me on the Sunday.

It's a shame he doesn't want to be with his wife and kids on the one day he can be IMO. He has a responsibility as a dad to be there, if he can be.

That makes me appreciate dp only working Saturdays!

The farking hockey was in Loughborough today 2.5 hour drive away. Yes, I know. To be fair he has been at home the last 3 Sundays (tho always works mon-Sat and often Sundays in the summer!) but that's because he has a 4 day hockey jolly to Barcelona at the beginning of Jan each year, so can't push his luck for the rest of Jan. I have told him HUNDREDS of times that it's unfair - he honestly thinks he is making sacrifices as he could be doing it every single Sunday!! We've done the whole Relate thing (twice) and they just generally look at him aghast, to no avail. I've kind of resigned myself to it, but am pissed off that I didn't get an hour 'off' at all this weekend! (next weekend not looking a lot better...)Have to say he is great with the kids when he is here, tho crap at doing anything in the house.

why don't you plan a day to yourself when you know he has a hockey-free Sunday? You could go out with a friend for the day ...a break would probably do you some good.

YANBU - it's your weekend too!

Moondog, poor you - it's not much fun at the weekends, is it. Normally I'm upbeat and we have a lovely time, but the last couple of weekends I've felt v lonely doing whatever we're doing, which is pathetic really. Sometimes I can meet up with a friend, but don't like to keep asking as Sundays most people are doing family things!

I find that about Saturdays too ... I work all week so find that Saturdays are ideal for meeting up with people but they are usually doing something with their families, whilst my dp is at work! I have developed a bit of a routine now though for Saturday mornings at least. Sundays as well would be tricky!

Maybe if he was earning fab money whilst working/hockeying it would be a bit better - today I just about had enough for the soft play, so long as we shared a kit kat and drinks! Luckily swimming is free at the mo. Hmm. Yes will plan a day out with friends - I do it occasionally but not often enough. By the way girls, buyagift.com are doing 2 for 1 overnight stays at Champneys - this means about £65 each for you and a friend to go to Henlow for 2 days!! not bad!

You need as much time off as he does. It must be like for like. My dh is home every 6 weeks and i have carte blanche to leave him and the children to it and do whatever I want.Unfortunately i don't as it would mean seeing even less of him and spending even less time together as a family than we do.

Having said that,when he is home,family time together is sacred.

Moondog, you have made me realise that some people have it a lot worse than me. Having said that, at least your DH WANTS to be with you when not at work!! Grr. Nookie definitely off the menu.

There is a chasm of difference between a partner being away at the weekend with work which is unavoidable and in the grand scheme of things contributes to the overall family welfare through earnings and this situation which is basically one partner deciding that they act exactly as if they were single and the other partner just has to put up with it or walk out.

Having said that some people don't mind so much. My neighbours DH is a mad runner and is always away at the weekends, there is no way I would put up with that, but she understands his passion for the sport and is resigned to it in a fairly good humoured way.

Can you claw back any time during the week ? I find if Dh has been away, which to be fair happens rarely, a couple of evenings of being out when bath and bed time are being done restores my sanity marvellously.

Yes, he does.
And I agreed with him to us living the life we live, which is not all bad. he earns excellent money and I am abroad with him a lot.
As you say,key issue is wanting to be with us.
I have a good friend and she says her dh has never spent an antire day with her and the kids.Like yours, works on Saturday and out pursuing his hobby on Sunday.

i find it unbeleivable.

Oh and yes definitely no nookie for him. If he refuses to act like he is a married parent in all other respects then why should he enjoy the fringe benefits.

Get thee to Champneys.

bodiddly has a good idea, go away for at least one night for yourself which will work two ways as he will then see how much 'work' is involved in looking after dcs 24/7 and how you may need that precious hour or so.
Go on arrange it now for when he is there.