to think men should know how to use their eyes

[JackBauer]

DH - Where are the TV remotes? They were on the arm of the sofa.
Me - There, one is on the arm of the sofa under teh 5mm wide phone cable. Oh, and the other is on the floor next to the sofa where it has been knocked off.

DH - Where is my other xBox controller? I can only find one.
Me - on the windowsill.
DH - No, there's only one there.
Me - I'm telling you it's on the windowsill
Dh - It's not!
Me - Oh look, there it is, on teh windowsill, slightly hidden by the curtain.

ffs

Oh gawd! This drives me crazy!

him "where is X"
me "in the drawer"
him "where?"
me "top drawer"
him "where?"
me "left side"
him "no it's not"
me STOMP INTO KITCHEN!! Open drawer, pull out item, wave it under his nose and scream "HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!! WHY can nobody in this house ever FIND anything? You never LOOK, you just expect to stand in the middle of the room and have it hurl itself at you. For GOD'S SAKE...."

Which brings me to ds1 who will stand in the middle of the room and say "I can't find it" without even opening the damn drawer in the first place

ARRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

I do rememebr that thread, and rememebr posting virtually my OP word for word.
Today we had
Where is my work sweatshirt?
Here
Where? I can't see it
It's here!
Where? near what?
In my hand dickhead. where it has been for the last 5 minutes after you passed it to me.

DD1 now stands in teh middle of the room and sadly declares: Oh mummy, Elly's lost and I shall never find him again.
Isn't that Elly by your foot?
He's not lost!

lol, i have all these conversations and more!

most mornings i have the same conversation with DP (all of DP's comments are said in the kind of voice that suggests he's never lost/forgotten anything)

me: have you got your wallet?
DP: yeeeeees
me: have you got your phone?
DP: yeeeeees
me: have you got your keys?
DP: NO! bo&&ocks!

on the mornings i don't have the above conversation (incidentally its not always the same thing he forgets but it is always the item that's hiding behind something else on the shelf) I usually hear him coming back in, grabbing whatever he's forgotten and leaving again in a hurry. unless of course it was his keys and then i get to let him in

I think the difference is that women know something is there, and so if we don't see it immediately, we carry on looking.

My reasoning: the jug is in the cupboard. I take a quick look and can't see it. This means I am not looking hard enough and need to take a more careful look. If I still can't find it, I am still not looking hard enough and need to move things around so that it becomes apparent.

DH reasoning: the jug is in the cupboard. I take a quick look and can't see it. Error error error error. The jug therefore isn't in the cupboard and the person, the filthy LIAR, who told me it was (DW) is to blame for this confusion in my poor little life.

I posted about this before but my DH couldn't find the baby food in the microwave.
Despite the microwave being a cubic foot in size and containing nothing but a turntable and the baby food, and with a bright light to aid his fevered search, he was totally outwitted. He protested loudly that it wasn't there. When the search party had located the food, it turned out that the fault lay of course not with him but with the turntable. It had - sorry but do you all know turntables do this? - rotated the food to the back of the microwave.

My DH used to do this until I stopped every whine by repeating this mantra like a robot,
"The womb is not a locating device....The womb is not a locating device....."

My mum had a great approach:

Me: Where is my blue notebook?
My mum: On your desk probably.
Me: No, it's not there.
My mum: If I go to look and FIND it there, I'm going to smack you.
Me: Mmmh, I think I'll try look again.

I'm afraid Dh won't react very well if I use this great approach...

LOL at KatieScarlett - I am going to try that.

I think it is why men get married so they will never lose anything ever again. Since I learnt how to open jars by breaking the seal with a knife I'm not sure what I am getting out of the bargain.

thanks Balloonslayer, DH wants to know what I am roffling at...I daren't tell him!

Its all down to evolution - men have much better vision immediately ahead - help to track prey indistance, women have better peripheral vision and this is all controlled by the XY chromosomes so apart from a bit of training / education there is not much you can do about it!!

Men & Women do have different eye sights - doesn't explain all the conversations in the post.

My dad and brother have this problem too. It's called not realising that to look for something in a drawer you need to use both your eyes (to look) and your hands (to move the things on top so your eyes can see the things underneath).

DP has not displayed this feature yet.

Miamla I am astounded that you do that every morning (and had to check that you were referring to an adult person). Have you tried letting him forget things a few times, so he takes responsibility for his own phone/wallet/keys? Getting locked out a few times would cure most people, I think, especially in this weather.

It must be something deeper as I have been trying and failing for the last 8 years to train my boys to look for things like I do and not the way dh does - total disaster. Drives me nuts.

trillian, its a bit of a game for us, just like saying goodbye so not a serious thing by any means! He sent me a text the other day just after he'd left home to tell me he couldn't wear his hat because he'd forgotten his head!

I realised after posting that this is a "can't find things" thread so here's my offering from this morning...

me: (from downstairs) can you bring a couple of breast pads down with you please
dpfrom upstairs) yeah, course, where are they?
me: in a box on top of the bathroom cabinet
dp: ok

The baby monitor's on and I can hear him rummaging in our bedroom

DPstill upstairs) i can't find them
me: try looking on top of the bathroom cabinet in the bathroom....

At least he didn't ask how many i needed!

PMSL BalloonSlayer
DH is exactly like this, I have started telling him to "Look with your EYES!"
He has the full "It's not exactly in the first place I looked therefore is gone forever" attitude as well as the "I'm looking and searching but I just don't see"

My favourite one was when DH lost an expensive piece of his toolkit.
His parents were here so he was having to be quite restraint but essentially accused me of throwing out £60 worth of tool.
I was not best pleased, he was insistent it was not in the house.
I searched the entire hosue top to bottom, it took me a day. No tool. Started to think maybe DH was right...
DH went to work in big snit. I snuck the spare garage key, went into the garage, and there, in the cupboard, ON TOP OF EVERYTHING was the fecking thing.
I took a pic and sent it to him on my phone.

He is still convinced I planted it as 'I looked there and it wasn't there when I looked'

Oh, JackBauer, so timely. My Mum and I were ready to hit respective DPs because of this very thing. Why do men open a drawer and if the item they're looking for isn't on top, and labelled with a neon light, they can't see it? Opening fridge doors and failing to see cheese slightly hidden by a pot of yoghurt? AAAAAARGH.

YANBU.

Although can I mention the chorus in this household 'chair arms are not for storage'...

Essie, in my defence, I did order this sofa because the arms are at least 6 inches wide, so perfect for storing things on. I can balanced a plate and my wine on mine!

at "he couldn't wear his hat because he'd forgotten his head!"