to want to see my husband this weekend?

[MakkaPakkaStacker]

Bit of background... Last Saturday, after I'd put the children to bed, I went out with my best friend to celebrate my birthday. I stayed at her house and dh looked after the children. The following morning he took them to a big family party. I had already decided not to go, as last Sunday would have been my Dad's birthday, the first since he died last March and I didn't know how well I'd cope at a big gathering. I was worried I might become emotional and embarras myself

So, I decide to stay with my friend and have a relaxing child-free day, before coming home in the afternoon when dh returned from the party. MIL rang me whilst she was at the party telling me to get myself over there, and called me lazy etc (in a jovial way ) and reminded me that I should be spending the day with my family. I politely declined the 'invitation' and went out for lunch with my friend.

Sorry, that was long. So, this week, dh has stayed in bed each morning until I have left the house at 8am, then he returned from work at 10.30pm each night when I was either asleep, or falling asleep.

Saturday morning he had a lie in before going out for his councilling session, (fair enough), then after lunch he went to his parents house to have a night out with his brother who lives next door. This was arranged because I went out last weekend- pay back I think it's called!! So I didn't see him yesterday, and there is no sign of him coming home today.

I've texted him, to tell him dd2 fell down the stairs this morning and haven't received a reply. I'm sure he's still asleep.

But why isn't his mum on at him to come home and spend time with his family, as she did to me last weekend? When actually, I feel I had a genuine reason to give myself a relaxing weekend

Or AIBU ? Should I just accept that I won't see him this weekend either. Should I have gone to the party last weekend? Am I as inconsiderate as dh says I am?!

Sorry, that was long. And I'm a name-changer, btw.

Well if he is doing it to punish you then that is a bit childish and he needs to grow up

Would it have really been that bad for you to go to the family party last week? ok i understand you feeling sad about you dad, but that would have happened regardless of where you were that day, still your mil had no business to ring you and call you lazy..

Tit-for-tat is what is happening he, so i guess some adult communication (ie sit down and talk through your feelings) is what is needed to resolve it.

That is what I feel is happening VT- tit for tat, and I feel pretty sad about it. I really wanted us to spend the day together with the dc.

About the party, I had no idea how I would feel, what with it being the first birthday. I was OK at Christmas, terribly emotional at NY, sad on my own birthday... I didn't know how I would feel. As it turns out, I had such a lovely day with my bf that I didn't think about it being Dad's birthday once. I cannot guarentee that I would have felt the same at a gathering with dh's extended family, some of whom I barely know.

TBH if it was ok for you to have a weekend off last weekend then I don't see why it's not ok for him.

You went out and stayed the night at a friends

He went out and spent the night at his brothers.

You didn't spend the day with the family last Sunday

He isn't spending the day with the family this Sunday.

Your MIL called you and " I politely declined the 'invitation' and went out for lunch with my friend."

Your MIL has probably called him and he's chosen to do the same as you.

I think YABVU and that if it's ok for the goose then it's fine for the gander - maybe if you had joined the family instead of "politely decling the invitation and going out for lunch with a friend" then he would be unreasonable to do this.

OK, I'm BU. I wasn't actually sure. I won't give him a hard time when I see him next

As for the invitation Twims, I had already told the relevant people that I would not be attending long before the day. MIL rang me, despite knowing that I wasn't going, and effectively told me to get there. THAT is what I declined.

Ok MakkaPakka thatjust proves DH is not being unreasonable as you booked for a weekend off and so has he

Maybe next weekend you can do something altogether as a family.

Also in my defence- I didn't have the weekend off. I left at around 7pm on the Saturday and came home after lunch Sunday.

He was out all day yesterday and so far today.

It was also my birthday- it is not his this weekend.

I also had my phone on at all times, should have needed to speak to me.

But I posted in AIBU, so I take on board what has been said!

And are you sure that your MIL wasn't ringing you to tell you that you were missed, and she wanted to make sure you would be welcome if you decided to change your mind - it sounds to me like a thoughtful thing to do.

I also think that it's fine for your dp to go ot with his brother - it's not tit for tat - it's just how it happened. Unless there's more to this you haven't said - is there?

No, there's no more to it. He told me he was going out this weekend because I went out last weekend. Things just haven't been great between us for a while and I was looking forward to seeing him today, as we literally haven't seen each other all week- I miss him!

Anyway, I realise I have been completely unreasonable and will change my negative ways!

Sorry but YABU you had a child free relaxing weekend and that was ok now your husband wants to do the same and you are not happy with it.
I do not think it is called payback it is called being fair.

i do not think you were inconsiderate to not go to the party, but I think it is unfair to be unhappy that when you had something else to do not seeing you husband was ok but when he has something to do other then be with you you are not happy about it.

He should have replied about your DD falling though, I hope she is ok

i dont see he has done wrong you both need a break away to have fun and when he gets home have lovely dinner together and cuddles on the sofa

me an my dp spend alot of time apart and i found i was always finding something to moan about when he was home as i missed him but tried to make him feel guilty

but now i realize his not having fun at work and we appreciate each other alot more i text and say love and miss you appreciate all you do and he texts back the same

when his home i try to spend more time cuddling and talking than moaning hard when his had a 20 hr day but i'll phone just to tell him we love him and to cuddle up to me when he gets into bed

it didnt happen over night but we are much happier now and appreciate each other so much more now the negativity has gone its till comes back every now and then were only human but we laugh together now we enjoy each others company

and also we always do the you went out last weekend can i go out this weekend thing we just see it as being fair we both have hard struggles day to day and we create special time when at home

good luck enjoy each other