Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my PIL to visit?

43 replies

peaceandquiet · 01/02/2009 01:14

I'm 35 weeks pregnant. My PIL are visiting next weekend and I really don't want them to come. Our relationship has been up and down over the years but is ok at present. I just feel like at this stage in my pregnancy, I don't want anyone staying at my house and I don't want to have to put up with their annoying ways ie messing my house up, coming into my room when I'm asleep and waking me for a chat , lying across my sofa so there is no where for me to sit etc etc.

I feel very tense just thinking about it and I am worried that this is going to come across and cause tension. AIBU?

OP posts:
Sidge · 02/02/2009 20:19

Wel potentially they won't see you (or your DH) then for 13 weeks. You are due in 5 weeks, might go 2 weeks over and then you're saying they can't see their new grandchild for 6 weeks.

I can understand you don't want them coming in and waking you up (that is rude) but to not want to see them for 3 months is a bit much.

I think you need to compromise.

Or let them come and say you're going for a bath, they're not going to come and disturb you in there!

Original poster
peaceandquiet · 02/02/2009 20:19

Notquite

I know what your saying.

OP posts:
Original poster
peaceandquiet · 02/02/2009 20:23

Sidge - They ARE coming but I just don't want them too. I know they may not see us for a few months but if my MIL behaved herself then it would not have come to this!

OP posts:
Mung · 02/02/2009 20:25

You obviously need to have more children so that you have no space in your house for them to stay, then they'd need to stay in a local hotel.

Sidge · 02/02/2009 20:43

Ah. I read your post as you trying to get out of them visiting, which seemed a bit harsh.

If your MIL isn't house trained then use your hormones as an excuse to lay down some house rules. Or make them stay in a B&B.

Or hope it keeps snowing and they can't come!

Original poster
peaceandquiet · 02/02/2009 20:46

Well actually they have just rang and said they are going to stay in a hotel, the bed is not comfy!!! (must have been the brick I put in there last time

It won't make any difference, they will arrive at dawn and leave after the DC are in bed.

OP posts:
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 02/02/2009 20:50

Still a positive samll mercies and all of that, you WILL have some PIL free time!!!!!

And whetever you do

DO NOT CHANGE THE GUEST BED

Original poster
peaceandquiet · 02/02/2009 20:52

Doris

OP posts:
Juicygirlpink · 02/02/2009 20:57

Hi everyone! I am reading these stories, my belly is jumping around in fear!! aggghh what on earth give people the right to treat you like this is in YOUR HOME???! I dont get it how rude- I really feel for you peace&quiet, just a question what does dp do to support you when you discuss with him the situation?

Original poster
peaceandquiet · 02/02/2009 21:06

Hi Juicy,

Well in the past i have tended to let these things go but I have told him that he must make sure MIL does not disturb me when sleeping and I will be wedging the door and that he needs to make sure there is room for me to sit down or I will leave the room! (I'm not bothered - more me time for me )

He is pretty good if the problem is spelt out to him but MIl sometimes ignores him.

OP posts:
Juicygirlpink · 02/02/2009 21:11

Why must we spell things out? very similar situation here sweetie almost makes me feel normal, the thing that annoys me is that if it was my m&d i would tell them but there is just this something that makes you bite your tongue or sometimes just get moody (sometimes with dh) cause you just cant say what you want to pil! how long are they staying in the hotel then? the whole sofa thing rings a huge bell with me

Original poster
peaceandquiet · 02/02/2009 21:14

Sorry you have the same problems, it is very fustrating is'nt it?

They are staying in hotel for 2 nights but they are not going to come until 8ish on friday.

OP posts:
Juicygirlpink · 02/02/2009 21:16

and some!.....8pm?!

scotagm · 02/02/2009 22:30

Both my PIL's are dead. My children will never know them. It's one bloody weekend and maybe a lifetime of a special relationship for your children. Sort this. You are being precious.

ChippingIn · 03/02/2009 00:08

Scotagm - this board is AIBU - not 'Bash the heavily pregnant poster'... If your PIL were nice, considerate, loving people when they were alive then lucky you, not everyone is that fortunate!

P&Q you are not being unreasonable (nor precious!) not wanting them to come. It sounds like you are being more than reasonable allowing them to come! It's still not ideal, but an improvement that they are sleeping at a hotel. Put a couple more bricks in the bed just in case one of them wants to try it out again .

Keep nagging gently reminding DH of the things he needs to do to support you!

Best of Luck!

SalBySea · 03/02/2009 18:02

scotagam, just because you would have liked you PIL to have met your DCs doesnt make that the standard for everyone

Not all grandparents contribute possitively to their grandchildren's lives. (not that the OP is claiming that hers dont)

The OPs in laws sound like they are okay in small doses, she just is dreading them staying a whole weekend whilst she is heavily pregnant - fair enough, she's not wishing them dead or anything

Original poster
peaceandquiet · 03/02/2009 19:45

Scotagm - Sorry your PIL are dead but that does not stop mine being a PITA.

My PIL see lots of my DC and do have a good relationship with them and yes you are right it is only one weekend out of a lifetime so it would'nt hurt if they did'nt come - would it? But I am letting them come as I said that does'nt ean I have to like it.

OP posts:
Original poster
peaceandquiet · 03/02/2009 19:46

mean.

Thanks Salbysea and Chippingin.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page