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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my sister could have at least mentioned she got married?

25 replies

Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 22:59

OMG! Saw on my sister's FB status that she had got hitched to her boyfriend when she went to visit him in Morocco just after Christmas. I am shocked and mostly very very pissed off that she didn't even tell me! I thought we were close but obviously not. To have this bought to my attention by someone else- well I am upset and angry to say the least! I am afraid to say this is only the beginning of my ranting but I am not impressed! GRRRRRRRR

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Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:01

I know I should be pleased for her but am wondering why she feels she can tell me.

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Doodle2u · 31/01/2009 23:01

I don't 'get' other people's families. I really don't! Wouldn't enter my head to keep this from my brothers....wiered, IMVHO.

tiredsville · 31/01/2009 23:02

Is your sister Britney Spears?

Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:02

I don't get it either though and I am her family.

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Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:03

lol at Britney Spears- she wishes! No, and she is old enough to know better.

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CandleQueen · 31/01/2009 23:05

Is she home? Is he Morrocan?
Did she tell anybody? (Apart from 4.3 million Facebook users!)

Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:10

Yes, yes, no.

I don't think she has 4.3 million facebook friends.

Think she is avoiding me. Very annoying as I think she is worried about me reaction when I am mostly a very nice person. OK, a bit sarky, but I am not a judgy judgy type at all. Just a bit peeved.

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Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:11

my reaction (trying to watch typos but pissed off so making a few mistakes)

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CandleQueen · 31/01/2009 23:13

She's shot herself in the foot, so to speak.
If she'd told you straight away you wouldn't have been too bothered, but by not telling you has just pissed you off.
I don't understand some people. Is she ashamed?!?

Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:18

I thought that, but worried that if I vocalised (or typed) that I thought she was ashamed, I would be implying that she had something to be ashamed of. So does she think she has reason to be ashamed I ask myself? I am cross and angry, but tbh, mostly hurt and upset.

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Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:20

She is the same sister I posted about that is expecting twins, so I can kind of understand her actions, but while I am trying to do all I can to help her, she can't even tell me about this huge event in her life. The father of the twins is her Moroccan hubby.

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CandleQueen · 31/01/2009 23:25

I totally appreciate you are upset. It's understandable to be hurt.
Have you said anything to her? (Does she know that you know?)
She's obviously got a lot going on in her life, but I would have thought getting married and letting your family know might be quite high on her priorities.

unavailable · 31/01/2009 23:26

Let me get this right ...

She announces marriage on facebook, you announce your annoyance at not being informed in person on mumsnet.

Hhmm... I see a pattern emmerging here.

Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:27

I tried to contact her earlier, but she seems to be avoiding me. Possibly I am being a little paranoid/over-sensitive, but justifiably so, I think.

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Foyle · 31/01/2009 23:28

famblies. i love them. they are so nutty. you always think your own are so weird until you hear about other people's. anyway on case in point. my mum said to me once that when people hurt us or are horrible it is very rarely anything to do with us, it is because they are hurting/ scared/ ashamed or something isn't quite right. now can you examine the last while in your relationship with your sister say hand on heart that you have done nothing to p her off? if so, then it is unlikely to be anything to do with you and everything to do with her- maybe it's not exactly how she imagined her marriage/ life to be or go... and she isn't quite reconciled to it, so she's lashing out.... just an idea from amateur psycho babble... any help?

Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:28

lol at unavailable- yes, I see the irony, but I am just so cross and upset, and by sounding off here (anonomously) I am delaing with it without upsetting anyone in RL.

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negril · 31/01/2009 23:31

she is pregnant and might have been ansious or hormonal talk to her, i dont think its personal can he live in this country with her. There could be a variety of things happening with her new husband that she may have found difficult to talk about to you. The quick and hasty marriage could be to finalise him coming here permanantly. It could have been difficult to talk about have a heart to heart.

Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:34

Psychobabble is good. Yes, I think she is unhappy with how her life has turned out, there is resentment simmering under the surface and I think she feels I have it all while she has nothing. Interesting, as I always saw it as being the opposite.

She is a lovely person who has had a few knockbacks these past couple of years, culminatinincluding a marriage break-up (good) and our father dying (very sad). I suppose we all react in different ways.

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Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:36

Obviously I couldn't decide between culminating or including so decided to use them both!

I need to be the one to sort this out, I know this, but it is always me that has too and I am getting a bit fed up. I will ring her tomorrow for a chat. She might not answer though.

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negril · 31/01/2009 23:37

u sound like u have worked it give her time and space she will come around eventually just let her know u will always be there for her.

negril · 31/01/2009 23:40

Dont do nothing she has to grow up tell her u will always be there for her and that u love her and then come away she needs to figure it out for herself but always be at the end of the phone, that is all u can do for now.

Original poster
Rachmumoftwo · 31/01/2009 23:49

She does need to grow up, but she is my big sister and at 37 I would have expected her to be a bit more aware of how her actions effect others. Not that her getting married effects me, it is the way she has been about not telling me. Am I no more important than a load of FB randomers? Obviously not. Still seething btw.

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negril · 01/02/2009 00:09

She seems unhappy with herself and personally i dont care wat anyone thinks i think FB is sad its a look at me i have lots of friends but none of them gives to hoots about you, she insecure about herself. These are the exact reasons why i dont bother with my family my brother has gone back to the army for training he cant fight or nothing, the last time he was in there after 1 week he rang me up crying and seeing a priest, when he left after pretending there was something wrong with his leg and i mean his good one ( he was knocked over) got his good leg shortened, had my mother and father tried to dump him on me and now hes gone back. Did u read the sunday newspaper a soldier was tortured. I dont bother with family they will only drag u under with them and my story dont end there.

MadamDeathstare · 01/02/2009 03:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chefswife · 01/02/2009 04:59

DH and i never told the family we were getting married. we made that decision based on past events stemming from the marriage discussion with our mothers. plus we are on the west coast of canada and family is in ontario... it would have been loads of grief about costs of family traveling etc., that it was definitely the best choice not to tel them till after.

although, we told them after... they didn't have to find out on a social networking site. that's tacky... but find out the why's before getting pissed about it.

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