To be upset that all DDs friends have been moved up to the next class at ballet and she has been left behind :(

[LucyEllensmummy]

Now i know how pushy pfb that appears but i really couldn't give a hoot about the level of ballet DD (aged 3.5) is. The group that she is in is FUN and she enjoys it. I don't want it to become too regimented anyway as i really don't want to be a pushy ballet mum. Anyway, Today at ballet the organiser went up to all of DDs friends mums and said that could they come at the later time next week as the teacher feels they are ready to move up.

That will leave DD with no friends in her group as she has formed friendships with all of these children. She gets invites to parties etc but that will tail off if she doesn't see them as they don't go to the same school or playgroups. I know one of the other mothers asked for her DD to go up but i didn't say anything because this girl was older and i was pretty sure they would say no and i felt embarrased.

It is blatantly obvious that these girls are a little group and i have been soooo pleased that DD has a little group of pals and that she gets invited to parties. In fact i have suffered lots of M&T and play dates to ensure this . NOT because im pushy but because DD1 really struggled in this respect when she was at school and the invitations were few and far between It broke my heart.

Please tell me history isn't going to repeat itself - i know i'm probably being over sensitive but I am devestated

will there be new girls moving into your dd class to replace the ones moving up? if so tell her she can help them as she has been going for longer. I would also have a quiet word with the teacher and just ask how does you dd stand standard wise, just so you can have an idea of when she will be likely to be joining her friends in the other group.I don't think it is being a pushy parent.and at least you can tell you dd what else she needs to learn so she can move up with her friends.rather than her just feel left out.

Oh poor dd

My dd1's ballet teacher is thinking about putting her in for her 1st grading soon (earlier than usual) Unless her little pals sre grading too and getting moved to the later class i may ask the teacher to wait and let her do it with her friends later on.

My dd1 is very shy and it takes her a while to make friends/settle in (she is 4.5) so leaving her in that class with friends is more important than some grading malarkey.

yes, this is how i feel, i just want her to be with her friends, even though the new time will be a pain in the arse, i want DD to enjoy herself, im going to have to ring her up.

I am a bit about some of the money making side of this group too - their annual show will be in december and they are advertising it now - extra lessons required for rehearsal, all have to be paid for. The ballet school make the costumes - all have to be paid for, she will need two at the cost of £48!!! Then to add insult to injury, to actually get to see my DD perform in the show it will cost £8 a fecking ticket, EACH!!! Will probably net them over £100 per child in total. Oh and then there are those hideous track suits that they are trying to tout - £40 for something that you wouldn't pay a tenner for in Matalan, just because it has the ballet school name on it.

Starting to wonder if i really want to push DD into this - I want her to have fun and make friends, i don't really care how good or naughty her toes are! She goes to football club on a friday, and tbh that is far more up my street than ballet - plus DD HATEs pink (she got that from me!)

Aww She will make new friends in the group...she sounds like she can do so easily
Think of it as another string to her bow...the challenge of settling in with new people who may join the group now. Plus at least she will know some of the girls already.

I'm with you with the cost thing...the extra lessons for exams sort of grate a bit for me (either they are blardy ready for the exam or not!...and if they need extra lessons then why should i blardy pay for em!)

it might be worth giving the dancing up for a while and see if she misses it, if not then just stick with the football for now, she is quite young and can always start again later

interestingly tooty, she didn't want to go the past two weeks and i wont force her to go if she doesn't want to. Maybe this is why?? Anyway, maybe it will be worth having a break but i don't want to stop her from doing something she enjoys.

I am also a tiny bit miffed as I enjoy a good chinwag with the other mums - oh well, cest la vie.

you can chinwag with the footie mums, just wrap up warm and take a flask!!!but you might need to learn the off side rule!

tbh i think if dd is going to do the whole ballet thing you just have to go with the flow and do what the ballet teacher thinks is best. it's really unusual for the group to get moved up all at one time, and it gets even worse when they start doing exams - not all of them in one class will take them, and you'll have the 'front row/ back row' dilemma. it's endless.
having been through 4 ballet schools with 3 dcs (inc a ds lol) they are all like it. and ballet teachers (unless you have the one in a million) don't really like mummies questioning whether they have made the right decision. ours is v lovely, and i'd probably ring her tbh, but i can't see that she'd change her mind...
but dd1 gets her grade 2 results today, so dh is off watching the open day. i couldn't get her to stop if i wanted her to lol. although i did add up how much money i've spent on uniforms, lessons, shows, costumes, exams, extra practise etc over the last 5 years and wished i hadn't...

no problem tooty, i already know that [preen!]. Luckily footie is indoors just now so we just huddle around the radiator I like footie better because i can go whooo whooo, "get in there" etc from the side lines, even if all they are doing is dribbling a ball around and playing catch just now (that and the instructor is good eye candy!)

looking at it long term, i would be cheaper to buy DD a horse, you know, one about 15 hands, and stocky - one she could grow into (and of course, i don't mind if i have to exercise it in the meantime ) -oooh, if only!

I never did ballet and neither did DD1, its all a bit competitive isn't it. Exams? Stuff that, she aint doing that, no way jose! She's 3!! Watch this space, i bet i end up posting about her fecking grading.

my dd does all the dance and drama stuff, it would probably be cheaper to run a horse!!! I think as long as they have a hobby they can come back to as an adult and something to keep them off the streets as teens anything they get into is good. if you give them the opportunity to try out new stuff you can't go wrong.

I would feel exactly the same. Perhaps you could call the ballet teacher outside lesson time and speak to her? I don't think you should feel embarassed to explain that in the interest of your daughter continuing to enjoy ballet that it's important that she feels comfortable in her group. Definitely worth a try. Also, at 3.5 they're hardly doing anything very demanding; I can't believe the next class up would be that different.

I agree with madwomanintheattic about trying to go with the flow.

My DD, 11, has been doing ballet since aged 4 and still enjoys it. At her ballet school, they tend to keep the same age groups together (unless someone is exceptional and then they might move through the grades much more quickly), so I'm surprised your DD has been left out - are you sure these other girls are not older? Perhaps they have been going to ballet lessons for longer and have a bit more experience than your DD?

One of the reason that my DD carried on doing ballet is because she had lots of friends in the same class, so I completely understand how you feel.

I hope it gets resolved. If it was me, I might casually ask the teacher when you can expect your DD to move up to the next class? If it works the same way as our ballet school, it's possible she may go up at the beginning of next term.

Good luck

ps - my DD does not take it TOO seriously, and is not particularly great, but she never makes a fuss about going (3 or 4 times per week including jazz and tap).

lol doc, we have ballet, tap, jazz, modern and freestyle here. i'm exhausted just watching her...
LEmummy, is it the pre-prep class she would be moving into - out of 'baby ballet'? if so, the long haul into exams has already started lol... there'll be imaginary beaches, water to dip toes into, and shells to listen to everywhere lol... and a quick word of warning - moving up after this point is only based on exam passing, so either she does it, or she (generally speaking) doesn't do ballet lol.
hope you manage to sort it out with the teacher x

or buy a horse lol - infinitely cheaper and less stress.

having just read the letter regarding the annual show - im not sure i think that its a good idea for DD. Not least because of the expense - but because they want them to do 3 hour lessons for six weeks before the show, thats on top of the hour she already does. 3 hours??? She is 3 FFS . Nup, that is stepping into the world of uber pushiness so might give it a break and if she wants to go back at some point then great. I don't want to be putting her under ANY pressure at all at this age. Its a shame really because she loves just going along and having fun - if she doesn't do the show she will feel left out but im not putting her through four hours of ballet every week!

3 hour lessons? are you sure that's not the time she's got timetabled for extra practise for all her classes? so dd's would be a 30 min or 1 hour slot within that time? the most we've ever had to do is an extra hour a week for shows and displays...

better make sure she's not using the normal ballet lesson to practise as well, as dd will be a spare part if she's not doing the show and everyone else is.

they normally timetable the tinies so they are on in the first half and can then go home, worth asking about that too if you haven't quite made your mind up, as ten or so can be a really late night - for bigger ballet schools with lots of classes that all take part (and it's a real pain if the show is on 2 or 3 nights lol)

At this age I might be tempted to give the show a miss. My dd has done ballet for many years (except when prevented by disbility) and loves it, particularly the show, but there is no doubt you have to put a fair bit of commitment into it- 3 performances at our school, usually in a hired theatre, so you have to travel and be prepared for your lo to spend the day hanging around dressing rooms. But you never pay extra for rehearsals, so at least that's something. For an older child, this can be a great experience, getting the whole flavour of the theatre, but not sure it's something I'd inflict on a 3yo, particularly if she's not very confident.

At our ballet school, once you are out of the tiny tots group, you get moved up as and when you pass exams, which means that dd who has spent two years in a wheelchair has lost all her friends. Having said this, she is making friends with a lovely new group- but then she is a good deal older than your dd.

It breaks your heart doesn't it? My younger dd hads been doing ballet since she was three and has never found it paticularly easy partly due to very flat feet and knee problems and partly due to the fact that she is away with the fairies and doesn't concentrate!

However today she has finally taken her ISTD grade 1 - 8 months later than her friends as her teacher said she wasn't ready for it last July.

She was seriously upset. The teacher said she could go up to grade 2 without taking the exam but she was determined to do it. SHe stayed in the grade 1 class with the younger girls and has worked really hard for the last few months, whilst doing the grade 2 class too.

I was so proud if her today. She had to do the exam on her own (they usually go in in pairs)and had a crisis of confidence just before she went in and burst into tears. Luckily she pulled herself together and made a good job of it.

YOur DD is very young for the pressures of a show especially with all the extra rehearsals. At our dance school the tinies always perform in the first half of the show and then can be collected to go home and they also do not attend the extra rehearsals that the older girls do.

madwoman, i had to check and check again, i thought it said, 3 - hourly session, 3 lots of one hour, but not it meant 3 hour sessions - so they can get used to being away from mum and dad for that long it said . Thats not for us

Oh god ballet...I was so glad when dd decided to give it up.

eek! maybe shop around for a different ballet school lol. 3 hour long lessons for 3 yos?! the dress reharsal is usually that long so that they can make sure everything is ok - but even on the night they schedule the littlies early and then let them go home during the interval... have you inadvertently got yourself involved in a 'two lessons a week from grade 1' school? some are very very serious about the whole thing lol. it is worth asking early what is expected of the girls as they get older - some schools are quite strict...

cory - yes, we have the same issue with dd2, who is about to get asked to leave as she won't be an exam candidate for the same reason. she's a p/t wc user, but we've just found an sn ballet class locally that we're going to try.

but dd1 passed her exam and is off to grade 3 lol... more money

rehearsal...

The not moving up thing is a complete non issue. She is 3 and if you accept it happily so will she. All it is to her is a nice new group of friends coming in to replace the old ones. If you can treat is as meaning nothing, she will too and she will have no clue that they are 'moving up' unless you or the teacher present it that way, which I'm sure wouldn't happen.

Also with the show, if you are no nonsense about it and present it as something they are doing, not her, I'm sure she will accept that too.

i think this is all down to you and how you deal with it rather than her, TBH. Try not to let your understandable worries based on previous experience with another child cloud you; this is your DD2, not DD1 and she is a different person and this is a non issue!

you are right to a degree leo, but lately i have had to bribe her with promises of XY+Z being there. Also, she will see them as she comes out of the class and wonder why they are in a different group. I think i will just play it by ear, as i don't think it would be right to move her up as i really don't want it to become a chore for her. She does lack concentration sometimes and quite happily runs around staring at the ceiling while the others are delicately galloping or whatever it is they call it

Oh my goodness!

Dd does ballet and I also help run a theatre school.

At dd's ballet class dd was one of only 3 children who stayed down in the Grade 1 class last year. However that was becuse the other girls were all older and you have to be aged 7 to be allowed to take the exam.

The teacher is laying on a free extra class for the exam girls and their show will all be prepared for in class time. The only extra commitment will be an all day dress rehearsal in the theatre.

She is very young. She has so much time to make friends and to learn ballet. I would try really hard not to worry and just go with the flow a bit.