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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My brother in law has not been paying the mortgage. Eviction date 4th Feb,. New baby due 4th March.

27 replies

magicwashingpot · 30/01/2009 12:49

I dont even know how to feel myself, how the hell must my little sister be feeling. 2yr old and being v.preg is hard enough without all this.

She is coming for some lunch at 1pm. My mum is helping bro in law sort somethign out, and is bailing him out financially for the 2nd time. So hopefully they wont be evicted.

I can not believe I am joining those who sit and type that 'i can not believe I am posting this' but here I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
magicwashingpot · 30/01/2009 12:51

BTW he didnt tell sis, he told my mum they were going to be evicted, then went home to suppposedly tell sis, but didnt. My mum went round teh next day to see how she was and he hadn't even told her so my mum did.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 30/01/2009 12:53

Oh no!! Where as the money gone? or does he just not have the money?

how long has he not paid for?

Original poster
magicwashingpot · 30/01/2009 12:56

He does not say where the money has gone. DH and I s think he may have a gambling problem.

Not paid for 6 months.

OP posts:
RumMum · 30/01/2009 12:57

could you get them some money management help?
do they know where all their money goes?
are they intitled to any benefits?

entitledto.com is a good place to start,

Original poster
magicwashingpot · 30/01/2009 13:00

Thanks rum - I dont think they would be entillted to anything - they both get a reasonable wage. Thats the galling thing.

My mum worked for a few years in finance, so is going so sit down with them and look at their finances.

I am just waiting for the bombshell as to where the money has gone though.

What a tosser.

OP posts:
lalalonglegs · 30/01/2009 13:23

God almighty, what an idiot. It does sound as if he might have a gambling problem in which case I hope your mother does all she can to make her help contingent on the house being put in your sister's name.

I hope it gets sorted out - your sister is very lucky to have a parent who is willing to help.

Nekabu · 30/01/2009 13:42

Can your sister and your mum physically go to the offices of the company the mortgage is with and see if they can sort things out? A heavily pregnant woman actually sitting in front of someone needing help to keep a roof over her and her children may well get a lot of people pulling out all the stops to help her.

Original poster
magicwashingpot · 30/01/2009 15:36

I think that the financial side of things has been sorted now, as of lunchtime today.

BIL had 2nd handout of cash from mum to get him/my sis out of trouble - 1st time his stupidity putting the family at risk.

I know that he was nearly done for fraud the first time.

I couldn't be in the house with a man that did that to me and the children, but I suppose having a baby due in a matter of weeks must change your thinking.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 30/01/2009 16:14

I wouldn't have given him mney until he'd explained what had happened to the missing money.

How's your poor sister btw?

Nekabu · 30/01/2009 16:21

"BIL had 2nd handout of cash from mum to get him/my sis out of trouble"

Er ... I hope someone has gone firmly attached to his side to ensure that got paid in to the mortgage and that he hasn't put it to one side to blow later in the same manner in which he blew the rest?

MadMarg · 30/01/2009 16:22

magicwashingpot - there was something in the paper not long ago about post-nuptial agreements. If your mother has had to fork out loads of money to help out, then your sister and BIL could sign an agreement that a larger share of the house will be in her name, and apparently it is more enforceable in court than a pre-nup if the marriage falls apart.

Please tell your mum about that, she may make want to make her help contingent on that.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 30/01/2009 18:20

sounds like he is taking the piss a bit, tbh. Knows your mum cannot see her daughter on the streets, so goes to her, knowing she will bail him out.

I think your sister should take over paying the mortgage, get him to set up a standing order to an account that only she has access to, so that she can be sure the mortgage is paid.

And your mum should get a written loan agreement and make him sign it.

I really think he is taking advantage.

the problem with bailing him out again (and I understand why, obv) is that he will come again. And again. And again. Knowing that he can do it and your mum will bail him out to save her daughter.

If he has a gambling problem, perhaps he should not have access to the money for a while, until he gets some help.

CarGirl · 30/01/2009 18:27

I know of someone in a similar position although the marriage seems fairly down the pan as well. The parents aren't going to contribute financially until the gambler is off the scene and legally financially seperated. The problem with being bailed out is that it gives them the mindset of "well so and so will feed/clothe/house them"

wb · 30/01/2009 18:37

If your BiL has a problem with money then your sister needs to get more heavily involved in the family finances as a matter of urgency I don't mean she should suddenly start earning the money but she needs to see the bank statement every month and check everything that needs to be paid is paid rather than relying on her OH's version of events. Problems like this don't just go away unfortunately....

wb · 30/01/2009 18:38

Sorry, that should read "earning all the money"

Judy1234 · 30/01/2009 19:36

If I could work full time when I had a 2 year old and was 8 months pregnant and also do our tax returns, pensions etc and pay half the mortgage I am sure your sister can. She shouold also ensure she has on line access to all bank accounts adn read the mortgaeg statements as soon as they come in otherwise she's like a woman from 1880s England not a 2009 woman! HOpefully she can make sure the finances stay on track from now on whether she's in work orn ot.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 30/01/2009 19:52

Xenia the op's sister is working and just because you did FT doesn't mean it's right for everyone.

However I do agree with the control and access to finnacial information stuff, there is absolutely no reason for either partner to be in the dark, regarding matters finnacial, in this 'day and age'.

Original poster
magicwashingpot · 31/01/2009 12:09

So, now all of a sudden - the 'company car' he had has not been seen for 3 days. Some cock and bull story about someone else at work writing off 2 cars??????

The more I think about it, the more things just don't add up. I asked DH ages ago if he thought BIL was having an affair. He said that you never can always know either way for sure.

BIL is at mums now with his bank statements. I was going to speak with BIL later to ask about the car, the gambling - (he has put bets on whilst being in our company and done this with one phone call lasting seconds ) and also about if he was seeing anyone else.

DH is going to do it though as he is a bit more street wise than me and he will probably know better if BIL is lying again..

My poor little sister.

OP posts:
tribpot · 31/01/2009 12:24

Has he actually lost his job? Would explain why the mortgage hasn't been paid.

Agree that your dsis needs to take over the management of the family finances, why was the money handed over to BIL and not her? That's just asking for trouble IMHO.

bronze · 31/01/2009 12:32

My first thought was hes lost his job and is too scared/embarrassed to admit it

Original poster
magicwashingpot · 31/01/2009 12:42

Funny you should say that bronze - DH said that last night.

He has arranged for his wage to be paid into sis's bank account. Or says he has.

I couldn't understand why they still paid seperatley for things, but then some couples do don't they.

Its more the stuff we dont know that I am worrying about now.

Keep having to break off. DS1 poorly.

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 31/01/2009 13:06

Sounds like my BIL who has just come out of prison for fraud, pretended he had terminal leukimia to avoid paying the mortgage.

Original poster
magicwashingpot · 31/01/2009 13:12

Five, why are some people such devious bas*rds?

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 31/01/2009 13:18

He is horrendous, he forged DH's signiture on a £5k bank loan as well, which we think he got a community sentence for as the bank took him to court.

Advise - get as much as you can into your sisters name and have his wages put into a bank account in her name and not joint and give him an allowance, if not he will continue to do it and your mother will continue to bail him out just like my FIL is still financially supporting his daughter (although she is a lazy arse and refuses to work but that is a whole aother story)

FiveGoMadInDorset · 31/01/2009 13:18

£25k