To think that there are some things that 3 years old just should not do even if they protest to dh that they are a big boy now or go on and on about it?

[Sails]

I'm talking about being allowed to operate the microwave, switch on lights and reach for breakfast bowls all these things are out of ds1s reach and he has to be lifted (by dh) in order to do these things . Now I think that its great that ds1 wants to help and be independant but surely there are limits and when does it stop? Also he only does these things with dh because dh doesn't want the constant on and on when he says no. Makes me out to be the bad person when I'm on my own with him and I say no iyswim!

My almost 4 yr old is allowed (under supervision) to put the microwave on for his porridge in the morning, choose his bowl/cup/cutlery and get them out of the drawers, set his place for breakfast, switch on/dim lights etc. I think it's good to teach them how to do things and how to be independent, you just have to strongly put across the message that they aren't allowed to do these things with no adults around.

I would only care about the microwave TBH. DD is 2.7 and not allowed to touch the microwave or cooker or sharp knives. Everything else under supervision, which it sounds like your DH has been doing so I think YABU about this bit.

DS1 helps me with the diswasher by putting away plastic things in low cupboards etc and passing me the other things to put away. I always wash the sharp knives up myself and put away. However just in case any have slipped in he knows to never touch the knives because "they are sharp" his words.

Turning lights on, bowls etc all completely reasonable IMO. In fact I have put DS's cups and bowls in his own reach for this purpose, so he can help setting the table (he's 2).

As for the microwave, actually I think it's better to de-mystify these things under supervision and take away some of the mystique. Your DS will have a good idea of how to operate the microwave from watching you, so he's not learning anything new, and if he really wants to operate it then it's only a matter of time before your back is turned and he achieves it. Letting him operate it under supervision and explaining the dangers is sensible IMO.

As for the badgering, you just need to make it clear that this is a "daddy" treat. DH does stuff with DS that I can't or don't (either because I can't be bothered or too difficult for me on my own with 2 kids). DS understands that it's not a naggable thing with me - I just don't do it, so he doesn't pester.

YANBU in the fact that you don't want to lift him all the time to do these things but either make sure ds knows that he only does those with Daddy or get him a step for lights etc to use when he's with you.

My ds has a step and been making his own toast from 2.5 and now he's 4 has moved onto microwaved ready brek, he knows not to take anything out of the microwave and to only use wooden tongs to take the toast out.

Tell me about the dangers of the microwave? Something else I am obviously a bad mother about!

DH and I have this arguement but it's Dh that gets annoyed that I'm the one letting him do these things. I do feel for ds1 though when at the weekend Daddy doen't let him help with breakfast.

I suppose with the microwave, if they put something metal in and turned it on there would be a problem.

We always trn the microwave off at the wall, so ds cold only use it under supervision.

Sails My DH would carry Ds around long after he should. Granny couldn't I didn't want to! DH said yes. Nanny said she couldn't and I said no. He walked every where with me and Mum would be a pain in the neck to DH nagging to be carried Ha Ha! I have taught my 4 year old to dial 999 and what to say. No, would not let him operate the Microwave but neither would DH or Granny.

But WHY shouldn't they use the microwave?

seeker - I think because they could set fire to something if they microwaved it too long, or if it contained metal. Or of course burn themselves on whatever they're heating.

This is only in my opinion because I haven't read the guidance from the RSPA. For the same reason that I would move the handle of a pan in, not let him hold a hot pan, careful with ovens, hot drinks, kettle etc... He/she might think it was okay to cook something for themselves when your not around and scald themselves. Put teddy in the microwave etc..

Seeker, my DCs are used to having warm milk. They can open fridge, reach mugs, pour milk and reach microwave. DD, who is just 4, likes to experiment with the settings. She could easily scald herself.
DS is nearly 6 and sticks to the appropriate setting so he is allowed to do prepare his own milk (and Daddy's!)