Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DS to go on a playdate where he'll be looked after by a non English speaker

54 replies

redskyatnight · 29/01/2009 10:01

DS's friend X has 2 parents that work full time. Until recently, he was picked up from school and looked after by his aunt. Aunt and I were friendly and the 2 children regularly went on playdates with each other (both with and without myself/aunt).

His aunt has now moved away and X is now looked after by another family member. however this family member has just moved to this country and speaks no English (native Spanish speaker).

X is keen to have DS round to play (and DS keen to go) but I am uneasy how DS will get along with X's family member as they don't speak a common language. X is bi-lingual and could interpret but I think that is a big ask for a 5 year old!

I can obviously invite myself (which means DD coming too) as well which is probably what we'll end up doing , but wondered if I was BU (and a bit pfb) to not just send him on his own.

(Of course I'm assuming here that X's carer would be happy to have DS round on his own, which she may not be anyway).

OP posts:
FimbleHobbs · 29/01/2009 13:01

He'll be fine. I'd just make sure the family member has your name and phone number (as I would do with anyone I left my DC with) - he'll be in a familiar place with a familiar friend.

Although if the family member wants to make new friends and learn english she would probably like it if you went round too - but thats a bit of a tangent isn't it...

Overmydeadbody · 29/01/2009 13:05

YABU

Your DS will be fine, children really are very good at communicating non-verbally you know!
When I was 5 my parents moved abroad, I spent many many playdates in those early years not understanding a word of what my friends or their parents said, but you know what, it didn't cause any problems.

dilemma456 · 29/01/2009 13:13

Message withdrawn

laweaselmys · 29/01/2009 13:19

When is the OP coming back to realise they've been daft?

Gorionine · 29/01/2009 13:22

As a non enlish-born , I will have to go against the flow. I would have found it very stressfull myself to have friends of my children at home when my english was still basic! I have absolutely no problem now that I "sponged in" a bit more of it (although frequent readers of my posts might argue on that!)

Brangelina · 29/01/2009 13:33

Yes but from the child's pov it far less stressful. I used to go and play with children whose carers only spoke cantonese. Never had a problem.

Gorionine · 29/01/2009 13:43

Yes, the child will not mind.

What I am saying is in my case if anything had happenned, I would have been totally out of my depth, and no amount of my children translating would have changed that. In case of an accident for example, I ceratainly would not rely on a 5yo translation!

tankie · 29/01/2009 19:23

I disagree Gorionine - I've been the adult unable to speak the child's language and never felt out of my depth!

tankie · 29/01/2009 19:23

I disagree Gorionine - I've been the adult unable to speak the child's language and never felt out of my depth!

Tiramissu · 29/01/2009 20:42

When i read the title i though it was a joke.

Is this real?????

Where is the 'problem' ?

And i like the fact that the OP is getting serious replies aswell.

ravenAK · 29/01/2009 20:52

It might be worth checking that the relative is OK hosting a child who speaks no Spanish - she might be a bit nervous herself.

But otherwise, yabu I think. My dc were babysat occasionally by CM's mum last summer. CM's mum speaks absolutely no English (she was over on an extended visit from Pakistan after CM had a baby). It was fine. Dc picked up quite a bit of Urdu, which was a bonus!

FriarKewcumber · 29/01/2009 20:54

Given that people adopt older children who speak no English and survive - I guess a playdate should be managable.

What particular aspect are you concerned about?

MsHighwater · 29/01/2009 21:29

If it were my dd, I would want to know that she was being looked after by someone who would be able to meet my dd's needs (e.g. recognise when she needs to go to the toilet and help if necessary), summon help in the event of a serious problem, give essential information about whatever was wrong (assuming medical emergency) and contact me (or supply enough information for someone else to do so). If she was in the sole charge of someone who spoke no English whatsoever (i.e. no other adult on the premises), I might not be confident about that.

Otherwise, I don't think I'd have a problem, of course.

MsHighwater · 29/01/2009 21:31

OH, and I would not be satisfied with relying on another small child to translate in the event of a real problem.

Tiramissu · 29/01/2009 21:35

'otherwise, i don't think i 'd have a problem, of course'

That's reassuring

Smithagain · 29/01/2009 21:36

Last year, a new girl joined DD1's class. DD1 loved her and we heard all about what the new girl liked doing, what games they had played etc etc etc.

It was over a week before DD1 thought it relevant to mention that the new girl spoke not a single word of English. It just wasn't an issue for her and they managed to communicate just fine. So I bet your DS will be fine - and his friend will be fine translating if necessary.

And it's a good way of discovering that some people speak different languages. DD1 used to say that people spoke "funny english". Now she knows about the existence of Polish, due to her new friend, and can even speak a little bit of it.

KerryMumbles · 29/01/2009 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsHighwater · 29/01/2009 22:41

Spending time with a child, or even an adult, who speaks no English is likely to be an educational experience.

Being left, as a small child, in the sole charge - which seems to be what the OP is talking about - of someone who does not speak a word of the local language and would have only a 5 year old to interpret in the event of a real problem is a different prospect altogether.

Ashantai · 30/01/2009 08:41

My neighbours are Italian, and when my sons friends nan was over from Italy, he still went round to play even tho she didnt speak a word of english. His friend is 4 and he is 5.

I had no problem with it at all, your son will be in a familiar place and even if there was some sort of drama, i'm sure the family member could get in touch with one of the parents and let you know.

But if you are gonna worry the whole time he is away, maybe you should invite yourself along.

Bubbaluv · 30/01/2009 08:49

Ever seen children on holiday in non-English speaking countries? They meet local chilren and can play for hours very happily without understanding a word of what is being said.
I learnt Greek just going there on hols as a child (totally forgotten now) just from being spoken to - children are sponges at that age.
YABU, make sure he knows how to use the phone and can call you if he needs/wants to.

Bubbaluv · 30/01/2009 08:51

MSHighwater- What problems do you forsee?

starbear · 30/01/2009 08:57

Big advantage. My Mum is Spanish and when I was little I only spoke Spanish. Mum was lucky and had English friends (who loved her cooking) who spent a little time with her. But mainly I played with the other kids in the street no big deal really. Now they have to be out of harms way and supervised a little closer but should still have the advantage of playing with mates who are a little different as we all are anyway!

Original poster
redskyatnight · 30/01/2009 11:59

Hmm, so consensus is to let him go and stop worrying

I ought to say that I have no concerns that the 2 boys would play perfectly happily and that DS would respond to "stop beating each other" instructions fine, even if they were in an unfamiliar language.

My main worries were what would happen in an emergency ... I would always leave my phone number so I could be contacted, but if something did happen and I needed to be contacted not sure what the carer could do. She wouldn't be able to explain to me what had happened (her English is literally hello, goodbye, she's only been in the country a couple of weeks - she lives with X's parents).

I also know that X's mum herself is uneasy (because she's told me so) about her childcare arrangements re the lack of English and if her cousin would be able to make herself understood if need be.

But you've convinced me I am worrying unduly - I will send DS on an hour's play date (which is about as much as they can manage before they get overexcited and start fighting anyway) and see how they get on.

OP posts:
Othersideofthechannel · 30/01/2009 12:16

I can see where you are coming from redsky.

My Dad occasionally looks after the DCs at my house. He doesn't speak the local language and could not call an ambulance.

I always tell my neighbour that he is home alone with them so that if she sees my Dad my rushing out of the house in a panic she knows to call an ambulance!

starbear · 30/01/2009 17:37

Sorry I have to tell you this story. My Mum's Mum is Spanish and can speak a little English. Dad's Mum is Pakistani no English. Both very elderly (both gone now) DM was over for a holiday but very weak. MM came over to visit our house. When MM asked DM where my Mum was DM tried to explain by pointing to her mouth. MM though she meant she was hungry and made her a meal the DM didn't eat. Later MM said I wonder where my daughter is, again, DM pointed at her mouth. Another meal was placed in front of her. No she indicated and MM made her a pudding! DM said No! Finally Mum came home and MM complained that DM said she was hungry but didn't eat. Mum told her she'd was at the Dentist!

Swipe left for the next trending thread