... to tell my DD(8) that if she can't go to Brownie camp without me helping, then she isn't going!

[sandyballs]

It's in July, for 4 days (3 nights). Her twin sister will be with her and she knows the rest of the group very well. She's refusing to go unless I help. She is going through a particularly clingy phase at the mo but even so, I think it will do her good. And I quite fancy a couple of days away with DH whilst both of them are gone . Do I give in, or gently encourage?

Encourage, encourage and encourage!

encourage her esp if twin is going to be there

Agree- definitely encourage. Sounds like it will do evryone good.

Thanks, I'm feeling stronger now .

I opened this thread expecting it to be from a pfb mum unable to let her dd go [winnk]

Yep definitely encourage. Encourage, encourage.

you could go for the first night maybe and then find a reson to have to go home??

she will be having soooooooooo much fun by this time she would not mind...maybe

I'm disagreeing with everyone else, if my 7yo didn't want to go away for 4 days I wouldn't push them. My 8yo and 7yo dds do go on woodcraft folk camp and hostel weekends without us (and sometimes with us), but they don't want to go on the whole week summer camp and I think that's perfectly reasonable. They're young. And being away from home on those things can be grim if you don't get on with your dorm/tent mates or if something goes wrong.

I had a really nasty patrol leader who ruined my first guide camp, I was 11, she bullied us younger ones. These things happen.

long time between now and July - maybe she'll be ready for it when the time comes.

I wouldn't push her if she's really reluctant to go but children are different away from home. It's six months off though.

I'm gibbering at the thought of my dd going to Brownie camp without me even though my sister helps out at her pack.

at your nasty patrol leader, fennel. I see where you're coming from and agree that I wouldn't make her go. However, I would talk it through with her and lay on the encouragement. I think the chances are pretty good that she'll enjoy it once she gets there.

I went away to Guide camp when I was 11. I hated it. The girls in my tent bullied me and I had to move to another tent where no-one spoke to me.

There was a parents visit half way through the week and my parents came and said I had to stick it out for the rest of the week. I have never forgotten that and along with other things it made me never really trust them again. I never told them about any other bullying because I knew nothing would happen.

I still remember how lonely and abandoned I felt when they left me there knowing how unhappy I was.

I wouldn't push my dc to do anything they did not feel ready for.

Funnily enough, Brownie camp was the only place I was ever bullied, too

I think I would encourage and talk it up, but not force the issue if she doesn't want to. Eight is still pretty young for three nights away.

I'd go with her.

Encourage her. I went away for a week at age 9 and was fine.

Encourage. Could she do a sleepover for one night with someone before then? I don't think force helps. My DS2 was hopeless away from home, I often had to collect him. We never made a big deal of it and gradually he improved. He is fine now. I wouldn't go with her but I would agree to collect her if she goes and doesn't like it. You will probably find that if she feels she can leave she will relax and enjoy it.

is this the quieter/softer twin who struggled at school in the beginning? (that was you wasn't it? cannot believe they are 8!)

I think gently encouraging is good. Also, some children talk about fears like this in advance of an event but when actually starting something, feel better (sort of fear in advance). Is she a bit like that?

yeah, I'd say she either goes without you or she can stay at home. And I'd make it clear I wouldn't mind which she chose.

i wouldn't push her to go, but equally I don't think i'd drop everything and go along.
I would make it clear that you aren't able to go, but that she is welcome to stay at home if she doesn't want to go without you.

I wouldn't make her go. It's supposed to be fun, if she doesn't want to go what's the point?

I used to be sent on camps a lot from the age of 8 on and would get terribly homesick. It's just as bad a feeling as any heartache I've experience as an adult.

I also remember having to abseil when I was about 9 even though I was and am still terrified of heights. What I remember most (apart from the fear) is the sheer frustration that because I was a child they wouldn't listen to me and believe that I didn't want to do it.

If your daughter doesn't want to go, don't make her. Of course, she might be ready by July and that's a different matter.

Thanks for all your replies. I agree that 8 is young for 3 days away and I'm not going to force her to go against her will. I just think she is the kind of kid who frets too much beforehand, but enjoys it when it comes, iyswim, as you said foxinsocks. She adores brownies and all the people there.

And yes, she is the softer/quieter twin who struggled at school in reception, what a good memory you have! They're not quite 8 - beginning of March.

She's also the one with sick phobia which I think is the reason for not wanting to go without me.